talk me off the cliff please

by sowhatnow 14 Replies latest social family

sowhatnow

My son, at age 25 finally, was able to get accepted into a community college. he called me with the good news,
But I dont have words of joy to share with him. Im instead dizzy with fear of possible financial failure. i mean for him it means the world, so im happy for him, im not feeling it though. why.
he lives on his own, paycheck to paycheck,
I try to be positive, but I have always prepared for the worse, [gee i wonder why] . I feel college costs in the US are totally unfair. i have read so many negative things about colleges basically robbing people for tuition. [ we live near a college that recently spent tons of money on fancy building extras, instead of lowering tuition for more kids.why does a university need 5 huge flat screen tvs in a luxurious lounge water falls ect ect?]
though this is a community college he will be taking on line classes for his associates, he says he will transfer to a better university for the other degrees.he says no way is a community college anything more than a glorified high school diploma and he needs a masters just to get a decent job.
right, so he will be freaking 35 before he gets a 'good' job. and die owing student debt. i was told you can learn for free on line, and then pay to take the tests, he wont do that. he said no one takes 'certificates' of learning and online free classes, seriously on a resume.[ what good are they then?]
If a 'city' named community college , according to my son, when its on your resume, get tossed in the trash.
well, my son is trying to 'go for it', and me? I cannot a positive outcomes for anything based on the articles i read for the near future. i mean, I want him to go to college because he has always wanted it since he was 18.
Im so upset that I dont make my son feel worthy, im not on the phone with a big smile on my face saying
"way to go honey'.
I fear he will struggle even more financially than he does .
hes working ten hours a day in front of a computer talking on the phone, now he will be on the computer all night doing classes on line, i fear for his eyesight and his health in general.
this is a cloud over my head daily. I loose sleep over this.

I cant help it, all i hear about is how people who got their GED drop out of college because they are not prepared for the work,they get burned out trying to juggle work school sleep relationships, and bills.

im so tired of the anxiety of the 'what ifs'
any good news for me about such late in life schooling?
[well its late now ill read reply's tomorrow.]
digderidoo

Good for him, he's decided to get an education. I started my education at 37, the best thing I ever did. He'll be 35 when he gets to where he wants to be and will have 30 years of working in an environment he enjoys. Would you rather he be stuck in a job he doesn't enjoy for the rest of his working life? I doubt it.
At 25 he is a man now, allow him to make his own choices regarding student debt. He is correct about free online classes, they are good for learning but not if you want an accreditation to take into employment.
Starting studying at 25 is not late in life. Be happy for him, congratulate him and encourage him.
bafh

Everything is your fear, your anxiety, your judgement. This isn't about you this is about him. And no doubt he is a bright capable man. From what you describe, everything he's said is true.
There is good debt and bad debt - bad debt is generally for things, TV, eating out, etc good debt is called an investment and it can lead to better things education generally improves a person as a person and gives them skills to provide for themselves through meaningful work
I'd suggest that you get counseling to deal with your anxiety because that is all about you not trusting yourself and has nothing to do with the reality of what you describe
stillin

One of my sons did the same thing. He wanted an MD but once he got his Bachelor's degree he realized he wanted to go to work and he was accumulating a fortune in student loans. He also started at the local community college, went to university and transferred to a well known, world-class university. Best money he ever spent. He makes way more than I ever did, has great benefits.
I don't know how he did it! Kids are tougher than we give them credit for. Determination and hard work. Yours may not play out exactly the same, but be glad that he doesn't want to be a loser! He'll be fine!
Pistoff

This is community college, right? Not a for profit college?
They are not scammers like the for profits.
He can probably get his credits to transfer to a state college or University; he'll be fine.
He will have loans, yep, but if he is bright and has social skills he will have jobs that will help him make back the investment many times over.
My children are all out of college, they have jobs that are way better than any I have ever had.
None of my children face the high cost of health care premiums that I have always had; they have good salaries, lots of vacation.
And they learned to think critically.
sowhatnow

thanks all, after sleeping on it, and reading these i feel much better. its an experience he always wanted that i so wish i could have given him the first time he applied and was accepted to a community college.
that was a disaster, and shouldn't have been. he was all ready to get classes assigned, and he and my husband both got laid off from the same company, so we had a different income immediately, and the stupid college did not help us one bit figure out how to get financing, and I had to sign him out. he went home and later that night i heard him sob for the first time in his life [after being a baby that is,lol] I was crushed. then shortly after that, with my husband and i separating he was put on hold again, since he and i moved out into an apartment, and he had to find a job and get on his own. now hes on his own but still parents paychecks are used on top of his as to how much loan he would have to pay back, and it was not fair since he did not live at home. [gee does a married person, age 20 have to report his parents income?]
quick oddly amazing story about how he found his second job.
he was standing in line at the Verizon store waiting to get the newest phone [dont we all know new cell phones are on the top of everyone's priority list when all you have is unemployment checks, lol ] and he had done research on the new apple phone that was due and the other phone he chose to buy, , and he did not like the specific apple phone at the time for some reason, [hes all about apple] anyway, a man was standing in line in front of him, and they started to chat about it, and the manager, who was waiting on people overheard him. When my son got to his turn the manager asked him during their conversation if he was looking for work. My son replied, funny thing, yes, i just got laid off.
this man was so impressed with my sons knowledge and sales skills , to this other man, as to why he was buying the other phone model, that he offered him a job. He got my son an interview in two days, and then that interview resulted in him being sent to boston for a week or two of paid training to be a tech, for a company called flextronics, which then he got a job working for verizon. though technically not a verizon employee [the paychecks were from flextronics] he did so well at his job, selling and up selling, that IF he would have had at the very least an associates degree, when flextronics contract expired with Verizon he would have gotten hired by them directly. but he did not [and even his girlfriend tried to influence the company, knowing his skills set] , all he had was a GED, so verizon let him go by the way side. fools they were. he saw i bet 20 people come and go in that store, because they could not handle the stress of sales. he said some people couldn't last three days. he was there for 10 months at least. before he got terminated [and never got a single penny of commission, because he was not a verizon employee, see how sneaky they are? subcontract out sales people , call them techs and save money on commission ]
see, he had the ability, and he got turned away, only because he did not have a piece of paper. and thats what makes me angry about certain college degrees. when you have skill, you shouldn't have to have paper to say you do, its like you have to pay to be believed. verizon could have aid for my son to go to school and get that associates degree thus having an awesome employee. but no they do not reward talent. verizon is not a great place to work and they know it, its human resources that ruin a lot of a companies potential, [as my husbands company is finding out]
though he will never regret that job, its where he met his current girlfriend, who was the supervisor. and since she was they had to hide their relationship or risk her getting fired. and he got experience.
after that job panned out he went on to somehow landing a job for a man who owned a cricket wireless store and he made him manager right off, but that man took advantage of him and ripped him off with pay, and he had to work so much he got sick, he quit , and won his unemployment due to unfair labor practices.
but with that job he gained knowledge.
my son would have been a stellar jw 'sales' person, had he not been so smart. his personality is likeable and hes convincing, and hes a quiet talker and calm. but he experienced the typical jw hypocrisy, the obvious rank and file and DF'ing of people he knew to be good loving persons, and left way before i did.
I hope for his sake he lands his perfect job that he wants. he wants to work in government.so hes taking political something or other.
like me, and we always try to consider people and fix whats broke.well i got to go to work now, my tea is gone,
thanks all for listening.
carla

Sometimes the kids need to take a few lumps on their journey in life just like we did. You made your worries known to him now it is up to him so wish him well. He is 25 after all.
Who knows what new doors may be opened to him now? New ideas, new critical thinking skills, etc.... who knows? he may even decided an entirely different course before he is through.
Wishing him all the best and for you some peace from your anxieties. It will all work out.
DesirousOfChange

At least for now, he is in Community College, which is cheap. As a first time student, the tuition for college is a 100% TAX CREDIT (not simply a tax deduction). As a tax credit, it means that every dollar he pays in tuition (up to $2000) is the same as writing a check to the IRS to pay his taxes. So...........he can pay the IRS and get a cancelled check; or, he can pay tuition and go to college and work towards a degree while at the same time getting to apply the money against his IRS bill. Hopefully at 25yo he is gainfully employed at something and owes taxes. (Otherwise, a parent or grandparent should pay the tuition and get the tax credit.)
No-brainer.
Dear God, the ~~boy~~ man is 25 years old. Let him live his life or he will grow to hate you.
Doc
confuzzlediam

Community college is a GREAT place to start! My daughter started there and will be transferring to a university in the fall to complete her Bachelor's degree. I started at the same community college in September at the age of 43. It is never too late to start!!
Has he thought to look into financial aid? I know quite a few students, young and old, who have applied for assistance and have all of their schooling paid for by the state with NO loans to pay back!! All he has to do is talk to someone in financial aid at the community college to see if he would qualify for any grants...not loans. At least the financial burden would not be as great. Worth checking in to it. FAFSA is a federal aid program. Maybe he could talk to someone at the school about it.
violias

at 38 I went to college, starting with a 2 yr college. We lived paycheck to paycheck, grants, loans , etc. I was not going to let anything stop me. I found a way. He can do the same thing. It may take a while, but it is so worth it. I am the first person in my family to attend college. I wanted to set the bar higher than was set for me.

talk me off the cliff please

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