I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said,
"Thyroid
>problem?"
>-- Arnold Schwarzenegger
>
>My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
>--Jack Nicholson
>
>Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but
he
>never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.
>-- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara
had a
>sense of humor)
>
>Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
genitals
>through his wallet.
>-- Robin Williams
>
>Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the
only
>time of the month that I can be myself.
>-- Roseanne
>
>Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
>-- Billy Crystal
>
>According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing
>in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They
say
>that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
>--Robert De Niro
>
>There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are
>having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe
>swelling. So what's the problem?
>-- Dustin Hoffman
>
>There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I
know
>what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.
>-- Jerry Seinfeld
>
>Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't
like
>and just give her a house.
>-- Rod Stewart
>
>See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only
enough
>blood to run one at a time.
>-- Robin Williams
>
Amusing quotes.
by TruckerGB 10 Replies latest social humour
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TruckerGB
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dottie
Trucker...
LMAO!!!!!! Those are great !!!!!!! I love Robin Williams...he is definately my favourite comedian
Dottie
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Utopian_Raindrops
Thanx 4 the laugh Trucker!!
I so have to share the last 2 with the children’s father!! ( My x-hubby)
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't
like and just give her a house.
-- Rod Stewart
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only
enough blood to run one at a time.
-- Robin WilliamsROLF!!!
Ciao 4 now,
U_R
p.s. hope my kids don’t see me making this comment…..
-
joannadandy
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition - Timothy Leary
Shopping Tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at a bowling alley - Al Clethen
Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women. - Sylvia (Nicole Hollander)
Any girl can be glamorous; all you have to do is stand still and look stupid - Hedy Lamarr
Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. - Mark Twain
Use an accordian, go to jail! That's the law! - Sherwood Anderson
Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it. - W.C. Fields
To generalize is to be an idiot. - William Blake
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception - Groucho Marx
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xenawarrior
((((((((((((((((Trucker))))))))))))))) I miss you !!!
Just had to say that !!!!
XW
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Joyzabel
Great quotes Trucker and jo!
Keep them coming. Love to read them.
Hugs,
j2bf
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SheilaM
(((((((Roflmao)))))))
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joannadandy
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? - Woody Allen
He was a wise man who invented God. - Plato
Plato is a bore. - Nietzsche
The good Lord never gives you more than you can handle. Unless you die of something. - Guindon cartoon caption
If I had been the Virgin Mary, I would have said, "no". - Margret "Stevie" Smith
Religions change, beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen
Few people can be happy unless they hate some other person, nation, creed. - Bertrand Russell
Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink. -Variously ascribed
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. - Mark Twain
The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around. - Herb Caen
I'm astounded by people who want to "know the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. - Woody Allen
Life is a God-damned, stinking, treacherous game and nine hundred and ninety-nine men out of a thousand are bastards. - Theodore Dreiser (He was a happy fellow wasn't he?)
-
greven
Creationists make it sound as though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night. Isaac Asimov
The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself. Richard Burton
Men will wrangle for religion; write for it; fight for it; die for it; anything but live for it. Charles Caleb Colton
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh. Robert A. Heinlein
Theology is never any help; it is searching in a dark cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn't there. Theologians can persuade themselves of anything. Robert A. Heinlein
Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear. Thomas Jefferson
Creation science is an attempt to give credibility to Hebrew mythology by making people believe that the world's foremost biologists, paleontologists, and geologists are a bunch of incompetent nincompoops. Ron Peterson
How fortunate for leaders that men do not think. Adolf Hitler
The great masses of the people will more easily fall victims to a big lie than to a small one. Adolf Hitler
The great strength of the totalitarian state is that it forces those who fear it to imitate it. Adolf Hitler Universal education is the most corroding and disintegrating poison that liberalism has ever invented for its own destruction. Adolf Hitler
Who says I am not under the special protection of God? Adolf HitlerFaith is the great cop-out, the great excuse to evade the need to think and evaluate evidence. Faith is belief in spite of, even perhaps because of, the lack of evidence. Richard Dawkins
There may be fairies at the bottom of the garden. There is no evidence for it, but you can't prove that there aren't any, so shouldn't we be agnostic with respect to fairies? Richard Dawkins
Oh, come on. Revelation was a mushroom dream that belonged in the Apocrypha. The New Testament is basically about what happened when God got religion. Terry Pratchett
That seems to point up a significant difference between Europeans and Americans. A European says: "I can't understand this, what's wrong with me?" An American says: "I can't understand this, what's wrong with him?" Terry Pratchett
'Educational' refers to the process, not the object. Although, come to think of it, some of my teachers could easily have been replaced by a cheeseburger. Terry Pratchett
Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil...prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon... Terry Pratchett
God does not play dice with the universe: He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time. Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens
Greven
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TruckerGB
Ahhh,thanks Xenawarrior,nice ones JD.
Take care,
Rich
