Tell us a little about yourself and your family.
Got myself in at age 13. One day I saw a leaflet on my door about “Babylon the Great” condemned by God and that’s all it took. I mailed a letter to the congregation listed on the flyer requesting a book study. They came to my door just as I requested. That’s all it took.
Never got married nor had any children.
Are your parents / family JWs?
Thank goodness no. Sometime after I had joined my mother had a study going on but she was doing it just to have some company. She soon quit it.
How many generations have been JWs?
I am the alpha and the omega. J
Did you hold any position in the WTS? (MS, Elder etc...)
No. I bombed at out of the ministry school. My talks were OK but I forgot to wear my tie one day. Handled the mikes a couple of times.
Did you *really* believe in the bible, in spirits (angels, demons)?
Yes, all of it.
Did you get baptised? When and why?
Yes, on my own initiative, no one had to prompt me. Got baptized at age 14 at Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles.
What was the initial trigger that made you start questioning things?
It wasn’t the doctrines or the 1914/1975 prophecies (I went through the 1975 fiasco) but rather the self aggrandizing attitude that they have. I remember hearing an elder say from the podium that every watchtower we got in the mail was like a letter from Jehovah. That offended me as I thought that such a phrase should apply only to the individual books of the Bible.
Another thing that stood out was the January 1st 1979 Watchtower. On page 31 under the topic Questions for Readers there was a simple question as to whether Christians should join the YMCA. The long winded answer was no because they were part of Babylon the Great (i.e. Christendom). To this day I have a very clear memory of when I first read that nonsense. I remember getting it in the mail; unwrapping the brown paper wrapper and going to that section (Questions from Readers was the first thing I would read because it was the shortest section.) For a brief moment I thought to myself that I would eventually leave the Witnesses.
Slowly but surely I started getting peeved at the Watchtower’s egotism. Since I had little experience with deception as an impressionable youth I had difficulty in expressing my feelings to myself. I started with the most bizarre visualizations/metaphors trying to explain to myself what was happening. I started visualizing Jehovah as a ventriloquist's puppet worn on their hands.
I wanted – naïve that I was – to express my concerns to an elder. I had wanted to meet with one elder in particular but another one, an abrasive hatchet man, joined in without my invitation. They started with the usual clichés such as “Who taught you Jehovah’s name?” (The devil could have done that). And this one:
“Jehovah’s people are like a bunch of lit coals huddled together. If you remove one from the pile it will cool off quicker.”
I responded with my own metaphor by saying that diamonds are made from coal and it is the light from God that they reflect individually or collectively (I was still a believer then). Elder Hatchet Man just laughed and said that I was missing the point.
I had gotten angry at that elder’s abrasive manner and decided to write a letter to him (big mistake) further elaborating what had been discussed. At a meeting which I did not attend he showed the Circuit Overseer the letter. The CO told the elders that my letter was definitely apostate and he declared me disfellowshipped (in my absence). Three elders came to my home and told me that I was already disfellowshipped but that they would postpone the announcement to give me an opportunity to repent. I did not but I appealed it.
I wanted to declare my disassociation in order to have some control over my exit but the appeal committee rejected it. My dignity was my motive behind getting my disfellowshipping overturned.
I was 13 when I got in, 15 when I started questioning things and 21 when I got disfellowshipped.
Where did you find information? Internet sites? Books?
While still a witness I read the old classic 30 Years a Watchtower Slave. At first I was so scared that I ripped the front cover off thinking that would help protect me (from what I don’t know). I also hid it even though my family were not affiliated with the Witnesses. However, when I read it I was not impressed by it. It wasn’t until a while after I was disfellowshipped that I started reading “anti-Witness” books in earnest.
That's when I picked up a few books from Christian bookstores and later ordered Raymond Franz’s book Crisis of Conscience and Carl Olof Jonsson’s The Gentile Times Reconsidered. Those books merely verified what I already suspected.
How difficult or painful was the process of leaving?
Very painful, I was enraged. How would anyone feel if they woke up one day and found out that their whole world was made of s**t?
Was it a big dramatic exit or a careful quiet fade?
Sudden, with some drama soon after my disfellowshipping.
Right after my disfellowshipping, in 1981, I joined a “phone tree” of ex-Witnesses. A phone tree is a network of people with each others’ phone numbers and something they share in common. This was well before the Internet. On that phone tree I got in touch with ex-Witnesses from coast to coast (U.S.) and all the way up to Canada. I got in touch with James Penton, Richard Rawee and even Ray Franz (before he wrote his books).
On one occasion I called an ex-elder from Maine to have a talk. He politely excused himself saying that he had had a very rough day tending to and cleaning the blood of a disfellowshipped girl who attempted suicide. I was already in a rage about my situation in general but that broke something in me and I resolved to do something about it.
Soon after that I went to the Memorial. When the ceremony was ended I walked up to the table with the emblems and tipped it over spilling onto the floor and breaking the plates and wine glasses.
I never even learned the name of that girl or why she was disfellowshipped.
Did you convince anyone else to leave with you?
No.
How were your family relations affected by your decision?
I was lucky enough not to have family in the religion. I had a few “fair weather friends” in the Witnesses who, with one exception, shunned me.
Were you or are you still being shunned by those who didn't leave?
The only Witness who did not shun me has passed away. He was one of the Anointed who still spoke to me in private. I remember how, after my Memorial plate and gobblet smashing, I went to his home not expecting that he would talk to me. He did with a smile on his face comparing my actions to that of Jesus overturning the merchant tables in the temple.
The rest do not give a rat’s turd. I also happen to live in a large apartment complex where almost everyone is or has been a Witness so I’m surrounded by them.
One example of how the Witness neighbors treat me was this lady who addressed herself to an apartment worker (non JW) right in front of me. She was right next to me a couple of feet away. She asked him, as if I wasn’t there, if I was the man with the bike (I owned an unusual bike which caught most people’s attention). Of course, she could have asked me directly since I was right by her.
Then there are the clowns. On one occasion I was having car problems with my engine releasing smoke. As I parked the car in the apartment complex one of the sisters saw the smoke and turned her head up in disgust. Within a minute I saw this young brother (probably an elder or Ministerial servant) running through the alley with his cell phone pointing at me in my smoking car. He seemed terrified at me and hid in plain view behind a partially demolished cinder brick wall ten feet from my car. I could see him from the chest up as he was pointing his cell phone straight at me. He cringed when I made eye contact with him.
How long have you now been out?
35 years.
Was there anything you looked forward to doing when you left?
No, I was just drifting away in life shell shocked for years by my experience.
What are you most proud of achieving since you left?
I have published a short book on the American Founding Father’s opinion on religious matters and some articles posted (by invitation only, on a Global Warming website). Not much of an accomplishment but I take pride in it.
Is there anything you miss about life in the congregation?
No and never.
Red pill or blue pill? Do you regret waking up to reality at all?
Red reality, blue delusion. I’ll take the red pill any day.
Did you become an atheist or transfer your faith elsewhere?
Atheist. Soon after my disfellowshipping I watched, on a two inch TV screen of all things, Carl Sagan’s Cosmos series. That was when I had my rapid conversion away from Theism.
How do you now feel about religion in general?
I really don’t care what anyone believes whether they believe in fairies or the Flying Spaghetti Monster but I do not tolerate it one bit when someone tries to impose their religion in the public arena. That could be prayer in public schools or any other type of government recognition bestowing favors to any one religion.
In the United States you hear Christian Nationalists say that this is a Christian nation. I would respond by saying that “this is not a Christian, Buddhist, Hindu or atheist nation but one for every religion and no religion.”
Do you feel any guilt celebrating xmas or birthdays or doing any other JW "no-no"s?
Nope. I rarely even think of the Witnesses during such celebrations. Good riddance.
Have you attended any face-to-face meetups of ex-JWs?
No. I’d like to but the only ‘Apostafests’ posted where too far for me.
Describe your circle of friends - mostly other ex-JWs or regular people?
A mixture of the two.
Do you tell people about your JW past?
I did once but he told me, in a mild manner, that I should not “wear my heart on my sleeve.” I realized that it could be embarrassing for me but never thought it would be embarrassing for others.
Do you feel animosity or pity toward current JWs?
Both.
How do you respond to witnesses when they call at your door?
Just like most others do. I tell them that I’m not interested. I never tell them that I used to be a Witness. That’s not out of fear but simply because I’m rarely in the mood to be confrontational. However, when I see someone out in ‘street service’ I tend to pass by and tell them that their religion is false.
Storm the barricades or tend to the wounded? (do you favor activism or support)
Both are important.
What do you think is the most effective approach to reaching people still in?
I never have reached out to any witness not that I believe that it’s wrong but simply because of my introverted character. However, if I had the opportunity I would simply tell them to take notice of how often the Witnesses aggrandize themselves. I would even tell them that they had no respect for Jesus and the Christian teaching of salvation. I’m an atheist with no desire of converting anyone to Christianity but I figure that almost anything is better than the Witnesses.
Do you think the WTS can or should be destroyed, will continue on as-is or grow / change?
They definitely are worthy of destruction along with a few other religions. As to whether they will change I really don’t know but whatever it is that they would change to is not likely to be good.
How has your life been impacted by your JW past?
Derailed. They took the most formative years of my life as a teenager. I never went to college and I even dropped out of high school (with a GED) so I could pioneer.
Are there things in your life you blame the WTS for?
Lack of a formal education, worsening of my introverted nature and social skills, and lack of fornication.
JW upbringing - a protection or a curse?
A curse!
How do you fill your time now it's not filled with meetings and field service?
Just reading and writing.
Do you still have an interest in JW beliefs and doctrines?
Not in their actual beliefs but I’m always curious as to how they’re evolving.
How much of your time is still spent on JW related matters?
Other than being on this site I spend no time on them.
What do you think of the ex-JW community?
A mixed bunch. Many of them, as I, are the walking wounded.
Do you see yourself still being associated with the ex-JW community in 5 or 10 years time?
Yes. The experience will be with me for the rest of my life.
Do you fear the future?
Yes, but not for reasons having to do with the Witnesses or any religious beliefs.
What advice would you give to anyone starting the journey of leaving the WTS?
Learn as much as you can have no regrets.
What would you change in your life if you could go back and talk to yourself?
If I could go back to the time I first started in the Witnesses I would tell myself to wear those braces that people who have scoliosis do in order to straighten their spines. It has to be done while your bones are still growing. I have moderate scoliosis which affects the way I walk.
Since Armageddon and the New Order were just around the corner I figured it wasn’t necessary.
Do you have any regrets about life since you left?
Not as far as leaving them is concerned.
Can we read your life-story anywhere? (links to online or books)
Nope, it’s all written up here.
I look forward to posting here on JWC.
Want to share your own story? Please use the Interview with an Apostate: Template and post it in the Personal Experiences & Reunions section with the title "Interview with an Apostate: [your name or alias]"