Two and a half years ago, my daughter got in the car and asked, "Mom, what's a Jehovahs Witness?" and our lives changed. Like most people out in the world, I wasn't sure what a JW was. Let's see, they go to church on Saturday...no, that's the Seventh Day Adventists. Oh yeah, they don't stand up for "O Canada", and hand out those weird little magazines.
Her reason for asking got more serious, and so, of course, I dug a bit deeper in my search for information on this mysterious group.
I started looking on the internet and was blown away by the negativity of so many of the websites I found. I've always been pretty flexible about religion. I have friends who are Jewish, friends who are Pentecostals, friends who are moderate Moslems, friends who aren't religous in any way at all, what could be so different? I thought, in fairness to the boy, I better find some neutral sites, and I looked, and I lookedand there really isnt much to be found. You know, when 90% of what you find on the internet is people who have left the religion and HATE the organization, you really start to wonder about that group and what has happened to create such an extreme reaction.
What I did find, about the religious doctrine, explained some of the theological differences, the cross versus the stake, why the no celebrating, and lots of Bible/doctrinal stuff that went right over my head. They shun their kids! Are they nuts? Headship? What the heck is that? Disfellowshiping , goats, sheep what on earth are they talking about? I dont know if all of you ex-JWs have any idea HOW LITTLE the outside world knows about Jehovahs Witnesses, and how totally alien the JW world is.
What I couldn't figure out was cultural information, how Witnesses actually lived their lives. Ok, so they go door to door. How on earth could teenagers do such a humiliating thing, what if they ran into school friends? What on earth could give parents or a religion so much control over kids who looked normal/ average on the surface? How could a parent who is extolling how well behaved everyone is in this organization, have a kid who is out drinking at age 14? Something didn't add up? A bit more than a year ago, I found this forum. I read and read and read, and I was really scared. I had NEVER posted on the internet. Isn't that one of the thing you tell your kids not to do? How do you do it, what do you say, how much, will people answer me? Am I suppose to answer back? I posted my first thread.
I have learned about the incredible mind control. There is such a dark side to this cult. I have learned about the unbelievable deceptiveness, that is so much a part of a religion where appearances count so much. I have learned about headship, and shunning, unnecessary deaths, sexual values, and abuse, discouragement of education.....so much that wouldn't happen without the mind control. The power of the double life, where someone can say and do things and hide what is really in their heart, and so much of life is a lie. I learned about how confusing, frusterating, sad and lonely the life of a JW teenager can be. I understand that unhappy, confused boy so much better now.
I have also learned that there are good people who are JW, who are happy in their lives, and can't see the dark side. I hate the things that they would be willing to do for their faith, but they aren't bad people. Some will see the light, and some will live their lives happily in their closed community.and some will be torn and confused for years.
Thank you, all of you, for your patience, for your understanding, for you willingness to be open. Thank you for your answers to my questions. Thank you for supporting each other. I have learned so much...even from the bickering and flame wars...even from the closed thread about dry "ahem".
Somehow, I want to thank you and beg you to continue your role in letting "worldly" people see into the life of a Jehovahs Witness. When some concerned parent or lovesick person posts about how to deal with their JW boyfriend/girlfriend, it is so important that they hear from you what they may be getting into, and how to handle it. They may not post again, they may not answer right away, they may not appear to be taking in what you are saying. But you are giving them the right information, and most people in such a confusing relationship take time to work it through, no matter what religion they are. Love, after all, isnt very logical. There are so many lurkers out there, reading and wondering what to do. I have heard from several of them, and what you say is so IMPORTANT and VALUABLE. It is so hard for non-JWs to recognize what a totally separate, bizarre world the Jehovahs Witness lives in. Please be patient with them.
This is not a dramatic goodbye, but it is definitely time for a thank you and a heartfelt plea to continue your good work. Simon and Angharad, you are terrific people and thank you for providing this forum. " Runningman" and "Mindfield", and one kind undercover, British friend who must remain un-named, you have all been wonderful supports and endlessly patent with my fussing and questions. All of you nice people out there, THANK YOU.
Edited by - concerned mama on 4 December 2002 10:56:10
Edited by - concerned mama on 4 December 2002 15:15:31