So depressed...(world conditions)

by DanTheMan 32 Replies latest watchtower medical

DanTheMan

Today was one of the hardest days I've had yet since leaving JW. I was barely able to work, and I have a knot in my stomach.
I look at the world situation and I feel so hopeless and helpless. Knowing there are millions of people outside of the U.S. that, if you were to put a button in front of them that had a label below it that said "Kill every man woman and child in the U.S.A." that they wouldn't even hesitate to press it.
I wonder where it will end. These people HATE us, and desperately want to see us DEAD. How long can the U.S. hold off the barbarians at the gate? It seems like the pattern of history is, great civilizations rise, then start to rot internally, and eventually are destroyed by barbaric forces from outside.
I'm so afraid to die. I long for the security I felt in the org.
I feel like I'd be better off ending my life than living through the coming hell.
It seems man can't live with consciousness and uncertainty, and therefore animalistic barbarism is the unconscious choice that many are making.
LyinEyes

I can understand your pain. I look at the news and see so many suffering worldwide, especially the little children. I love living in the USA , but my heart goes out to all in the world , because we all are suffering, and I think those in some of the third world countrys , living in such poverty have it much worse. I know the conditons are here too, and that is what is sad, no matter how civilized a nation becomes, there are always the problems that mankind can not solve, they havent been able to so far . SO it makes what we learned as JW's that only God's Kingdom will solve mankinds problems so appealing. It might be true,, he may interceed on humans behalf, but I wont hold my breath.
But I want to fight , and not give up so I can have the time to see some things for myself. That way when I die, I might feel more at peace with alot of issues I have now.
I hope you find some peace today, I know it is hard without any answers to all the questions we have, and the heartbreak we see on tv everyday, or read about. Hold on,,,,,,,,, Dede
Shakita

I know how you feel. I, too, have been depressed and anxious lately with all the bad news in the world. Snipers, nuclear weapons, chemical weapons, biological weapons, enough bad news to send anyone to the doctor for antidepressants. I, myself, have been having trouble sleeping lately. I have had anxiety attacks in the past. Some pretty bad. Usually happened in the kingdom hall. I would just try to breathe deeply and tell myself that it will soon be over. In my case, I think I watch too much TV. Geeze, you can watch all the bad news 24/7. All bad news, all the time.
I am not equipped to give you any advice. I am as anxious as you are. But, I do think that you sound, by your posts, to be a very nice person. If you are having thoughts about ending your life, I think maybe you need some professional advice on how to deal with your stress. People on this board can sympathize with you, and maybe give you some good advice on dealing with depression, but please seek out help from those who have experience in dealing with depression if this doesn't go away.
You will be in my thoughts, take care of yourself,
Mrs. Shakita
Someone who is hoping you feel better soon,
Mrs. Shakita
wednesday

I do understand how u feel Today i saw2 jw's in my docs ofice while i waited. They were preparing for thursday night meeting and had bible in tow. how smug thay looked-like little robats, so sure of what the future holds. Even my son who hates jw and left a long time ago and was never baptized is so fearful of going to war. he was in KoSoVo and saw things he did not ever want to see again But he said that if he has to he will go and fight and kill some of those bas***ds before he will let them destroy our way of life. As his mother i say"NO!" but those people are determined we are the enemy and want to hurt us.the reason-Religious zeal.
which now makes me worry that jw are right that all religion will be destroyed.
I have not helped here-i feel just as worried about this as many others. The thought of my son giving his life well makes me want to go in his place. I have lived and raised a family. I wish i could do it for him-so he can raise his family.
wednesday-who has not been any help i know
Dutchie

My son is draft age and I just cannot imagine him going to war.
However, some things we just have no control over and this possible conflict is one of them.
No one wants to die but sitting and worrying about it will take away the joy of life we have now and will ultimately accopmplish nothing.
Whatever happens is going to happen.
mpatrick

Dan, Here is an email I received from a friend that I want to share with you...
I Believe ...

She is 92 years old, petite, well poised, and proud. She is fully dressed
each morning by eight o'clock, with her hair fashionably coifed, and her
makeup perfectly applied, in spite of the fact she is legally blind. Today
she has moved to a nursing home. Her husband of 70 years recently passed
away, making this move necessary.

After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home where
I am employed, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready.

As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual
description of her tiny room, including the eyelet curtains that had been
hung on her window.

"I love it," she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just
been presented with a new puppy.

"Mrs. Jones, you haven't seen the room ... just wait," I said.

Then she spoke these words that I will never forget: "That does not have
anything to do with it," she gently replied.

"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room
or not, does not depend on how the furniture is arranged. It is how I
arrange my mind. I have already decided to love it. It is a decision I make
every morning when I wake up. I have a choice. I can spend the day in bed
recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer
work, or I can get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do work.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I will focus on the new day
and all of the happy memories I have stored away ... just for this time in
my life. Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you have
already put in. I believe that our background and circumstances may have
influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe - that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you
every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them
to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest
distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may
be the last time you see them.

I believe that you can keep going, long after you can't.

I believe that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it
needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the
best time.

I believe that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down,
will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but
that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've
had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays
you've celebrated.

I believe that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes
you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop
for your grief.

I believe that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't
love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could
change your life forever.

I believe that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something
totally different.

I believe that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who
don't even know you.

I believe that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend
cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I believe that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too
soon.
Cheer up! You have friends and family that truly care about you! Thank you for coming to my Birthday Party!!! It made me so happy to have you show up! Please remember you are new to this xJW thing...just like it takes time to become indoctrinated...it also takes time to become undoctrinated. Also remember, if you think about things that are depressing, you will be depressed...likewise if you think about happy things, you will be happy. You need to make a concentrated effort to only think about things that you love and enjoy and in time those things will just come to you naturally..Life is what you choose to make it!
Blessings,
Michelle
garybuss

One thing I noticed after I left the bad world reminders of the Watch Tower Publishing Corporation sponsored meetings, I still watched the news on TV and read the newspapers. It seemed I needed a bad world fix. I stopped reading the news and watching TV news at all for one year and I just looked at my real world, my home, my job, my city, but no media. My outlook changed a lot.

Now I watch some news and read the paper once a week or so but I am not addicted to bad news like I was as a JW.

There is so little bad news in the world that it can fit into one newspaper. That's all the bad news for 6 billion + people. Good news is so usual and frequent it does not make any news. How many kids made it to school today without any being hurt? Lots! How many people got good news in the mail? or got a raise? or got a good belly laugh? or had lunch with a friend? Lots!

The planet is a beautiful thing and there is so much food and so many beautiful places, like my own backyard. People are friendly and helpful everywhere. If I have an accident 500 miles from home someone comes with lights flashing to help me and take me to a hospital or doctor without even leaving their name or sending me a bill.

Every job is people serving other people. People cook for me and serve me, they clean my clothes, they fix my car and deliver my mail, they mow parks for me to walk in and they pick up the trash and sweep the streets, they open their shops and bake bread for me and some are doctors and nurses and they help me stay healthy. Others like Simon here serve strangers by providing free posting space and others share their experiences so I can enjoy them and it all makes life enjoyable, comfortable, and interesting.

The inability to enjoy life or see the fun and the good might be a sign of depression and may need to be treated by a professional. I hope no one who sees life as doom and gloom accepts that and continues on as if that is fact without checking out the possibility that this just might be a delusion and a symptom that is treatable. Because I see a good world full of nice people.

Happy week everybody,

gb
DanTheMan

Thanks all for your comments. I have days where everything seems so empty and pointless. I guess I tend to the "glass is half-empty" type.
Michelle, I had a great time at your place this weekend, thanks again for your hospitality, and thanks for your post. Your kids are the cutest, Emma Kate especially cracks me up.
nilfun

You are afraid to die, but you feel you'd be better off ending it all now than living through what may come.
You long for the security in the org, but we all know that life in the org is no kind of life at all.
The future is unknowable. The unknown is scary, but please, stick around. You never know what beauty may be waiting just around the corner.
Take a break from the newspaper, from the gloom and doom of the T.V. news.
Take a walk and focus on all the beauty you see, it's there for you.
((((((Dantheman)))))))
joannadandy

I do understand what you are saying, and I am not trying to attack you in your down state, however language like this:
barbaric forces from outside
Scares the crap out of me. It's an us versus them sort of thinking that can be very dangerous. I really hope you rethink the term "barbaric" and how you are using it. Those people you claim want to see every man woman and child in the US dead are people as well. I would grant they don't want death but have been faced with so much depression and hoplessness their whole lives their frustration at their situation gets taken in a violent direction. Imagine you depression, despair, and feelings of no hope multiplied by ten. These people have no formal education, short life span, disease and death are common place.
Again I understand how you feel, I am not taking that away from you...you have every right to feel down. But labeling and guessing at the intentions of others is not fair and how conflict rises.

So depressed...(world conditions)

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