Creationist Museum Acquires 5,000-Year-Old T. Rex Skeleton

by freemindfade 17 Replies latest social humour

  • freemindfade
    freemindfade

    Creationist Museum Acquires 5,000-Year-Old T. Rex Skeleton

    TULSA, OK—In a major coup for the growing field of creation science, the perfectly preserved remains of a 5,000-year-old Tyrannosaurus Rex were delivered Monday to Tulsa's Creationist Museum of Natural History.

    Methuselah stands on display at the Creationist Museum of Natural History.

    "The Good Lord has, in His benevolence, led us to an important breakthrough for scientific inquiry," Creationist Museum of Natural History curator Dr. Elijah Gill said. "Our museum has many valuable and exciting exhibits that testify to Creation and shine light on the Lord's divine plan. But none have been as exciting—or anywhere near as old—as this new T. Rex specimen named 'Methuselah.' This skeleton, which dates back to roughly 3,000 B.C., offers the most compelling proof yet that the Earth was made by God roughly 10,000 years ago."

    Added Gill: "It's awe-inspiring to gaze on something that actually lived here on Earth, so very many years ago."

    Methuselah was discovered last summer in northern Turkey by a team of Oral Roberts University archaeologists, who were on a dig searching for the Tower of Babel. According to Gill, the skeleton, which stands nearly 20 feet tall, possesses terrifying, razor-sharp teeth and claws, confirming that it was an evil beast in league with Satan, the Great Deceiver.

    Using advanced dating processes from the cutting edge of biblical paleontology, the Oral Roberts team determined that Methuselah lived during the late Antediluvian period, or "The Age of the Dinosaurs." They said the pristine condition of the find strongly suggests that it perished in the Great Flood, fossilizing quickly and thoroughly due to the tremendous water pressure during the event.

    "It was a truly majestic beast," said Gill, gazing up at the massive skeleton. "One almost has to mourn that there was no room for it on the Ark."

    Gill called the discovery "a powerfully compelling refutation" of secular scientists' long-held assertion that dinosaurs lived on Earth millions of years before humans.

    "The fact that no human remains were found anywhere in the vicinity of the site of the skeleton serves as proof of the tyrannosaur's ferocity and huge appetite," Gill said.

    "At most," he added, "tyrannosaurs existed a few days before the first humans, given that the birds and the beasts were created early in the week, and Adam and Eve were made on the sixth day."

    Founded in 1874, the Creationist Museum of Natural History has amassed a collection of thousands of exhibits from around the world demonstrating that the Earth was made by the hand of a Divine Creator over the course of a week, roughly 10,000 years ago. Among its most prized exhibits are a trilobite believed to have lived during the Jewish Exodus and a stunning specimen of "Java Gibbon."

    Methuselah has caused such a stir that even supporters of evolutionary science have found themselves caught up in "T. Rex Fever." Christopher Eldridge, director of New York's Museum of Natural History, raved that the acquisition was "absolutely inconceivable" and "not to be believed." Dr. Harmon Briggs, a Smithsonian Institution paleobiologist, gushed in a phone interview that the discovery of the 5,000-year-old beast was "mind-boggling" and "in defiance of all the human senses."

    Said Gill: "I have even received an exciting letter from a paleontologist at UCLA asserting that Methuselah could be even older than 5,000 years. Who knows, it might even date back to the Sixth Day of Creation."

    The T. Rex skeleton will be on public display at the museum beginning Feb. 3. Conversions will be performed every two hours at the museum's baptismal font, located in the Apologetics wing.

  • rebel8
    rebel8
    I seriously hope they aren't going to destroy it.
  • _Morpheus
    _Morpheus
    Lol this HAS to be from the onion or some other similar satirical web site :P
  • rebel8
    rebel8

    Oh it is. Oh crap, The Onion got me.

    It is a pretty realistic story, especially when they mentioned the teeth being Satanic.

  • freemindfade
    freemindfade
    I get all my news from the onion!
  • JeffT
    JeffT

    Rebel, you're in good company.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Onion#Taken_seriously

    To be fair, I thought for a moment it might be real.

  • Daniel1555
    Daniel1555

    According to Gill, the skeleton, which stands nearly 20 feet tall, possesses terrifying, razor-sharp teeth and claws, confirming that it was an evil beast in league with Satan, the Great Deceiver.

    HA HA HA

  • Slidin Fast
    Slidin Fast
    I love The Onion. Found on a dig searching for the Tower of Babel, who knew? This will be quoted by WT apologists soon/
  • The_Doctor10
    The_Doctor10

    LOL I better not see this posted by JW friends on my FB page...

    I remember 3 of my friends posting the story about how the chariots from the Exodus were found and they were like, "Just more proof for the Bible!" , "Jehovah has revealed another of his works!" Etc...

    It was a story from worldnewsdailyreport... I told them all to check their sources, WNDR is a fake news site.

    This simple task of vetting a satire site just impressed upon me the JWs woeful lack of source-checking skill or even the thought that one might want to/should do so.

  • John Aquila
    John Aquila
    All the WT study articles come from the onion!

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