Shunned & I don't seem to care. Can u relate?

joeshmoe

Here's a concern... I've been shunned by my family for going on 3 months... and so what? Is it wrong that I don't seem to miss them? I know that this can be painful for many and I wonder why it doesn't seem to bother me? Oh sure, I play the shunning card for sympathy from time to time, but I'm not really that bummed about it.

Which presents a follow-up concern. I think it's possible that I DA'd myself in part to escape from family and friends I never really liked or felt close to. I could have attempted the fade away (as many do) in order to remain close to everyone, but I convinced myself that I openly DA'd myself to gain closure... to distance myself forcefully and honestly... Blah, blah, blah. I'm not so sure anymore that that isn't just noble sounding justification for something a lot uglier.

Anyway, there just seems to definitely be something wrong. It's easy to blame WT for everything, even things that are more a feature of personal nature. I'm wondering, since most on the board seem so frankly loving and personable, if it's fair for me to blame the WT. Many here express such sincere and bitter pain when speaking of being cutoff from close family (and my heart really does go out to them) that I'm left thinking... has anyone experienced what I'm going through? Just kinda curious.

-Josh

Swan

Dear Josh,

Yes. Anger is a definite part of the pain and part of the healing process. I went through the same distancing process myself. There isn't a set schedule for all of the different things you feel. It just happens when it happens.

Tammy

animal

I have been shunned for the better part of 30 years.... and it is to the point that I tell the kids thier family tree starts with us, on my side of the family. I have learned to hate, as they do. I shun the shunners.

I also blame the WTS, but only in their leadership of this. It takes a certain personality flaw to follow the JW's blindly and for very long, so my family most likely would have been ignorant and hateful without the WTS.

Enjoy life your own way. It is great not having to answer to anyone, and taking an active role in heading in your own direction.

Shun those that practice shunning.

Animal

joeshmoe

Thanks for the kind words tammy.

Animal, I guess I am shunning those who shun, though I think I'm only just now recognizing it. I'm wondering if that's a healthy attitude, long-term (it's really worked out for the best for you for 30 years?!!).

Edited by - joeshmoe on 8 September 2002 12:51:1

animal

What can it hurt.... trying to get thru to the shunners, without going back to the dubs, will only hurt worse.

Animal

joeshmoe

good point animal.

Francois

Yes, I can relate. In a closed, highly controlling environment like the JWs you are not allowed to have any emotional reaction but happy ones. You're a JW, right? The happiest people on earth. Therefore, you don't have any experience with a very wide range of emotion or how to express and release them. Remember that old song about the "Law against knowing yourself"? Well, here you are right in the middle of its grip.

My grandfather died when I was 17. I loved him like I love myself. he was wondeful. I never shed a tear. I didn't how how and I didn't know how to deal with any of the emotions surrounding his death till much later after I got out of that GD cult.

francois

joeshmoe

And sadly Francois, my grandma died just two days ago and I can't seem to muster much more sympathy than I would for any obituary listing. I admit I wasn't that close to her, but still... I just feel like a jerk. I can pretend to cry, but what the hell is that?!

I'm whacked.

QUEENIE

YES Animal I too can relate--I have so called relatives that are JWs..Relatives NOT close knit family...family is LISA and Mamie kitty I had a lovely birthday and on this site I have made some really close friends and for many many years to come..hugs to all that are healing from their hurts and those that do not give a tinkers damn who shunns them..hey I care I hope this amounts to something..hugs QUEENIE

ignored_one

joeshmoe,

I was exactly the same when my grandma died. I couldn't feel anything. Yes like you I didn't really know her but still, you'd expect to feel something wouldn't you.

Ignored One.

Shunned & I don't seem to care. Can u relate?

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