by StinkyPantz 11 Replies latest jw friends
I just wrote a letter to my mother and father today. I cried through a lot of it. I basically told them how unfair I found their treatment of my to be and their treatment of my husband. They pretty much never talk to me and it hurts a lot. I also informed them that if they didn't accept me then they would never know their grandchildren either. (I don't have kids yet but one day I will.)
Was I too harsh?
Without knowing the exact wording, Stinky, it is hard to say if you were too harsh or not. However, if you put the point across in a way that is not directly attacking them, I doubt it was too harsh.
Parents need to know that when a child is grown, just as the Bible says, they leave and become their own family. Parents no longer need to continue raising their children from that point on. It is time to sit back and watch and see whether or not you did a good job. I am always there for my daughters, but I no longer tell them what to do or interfere in their marriages. My oldest ddaughters choice of a husband may not have been my first choice, but he was hers. After giving him a chance and not iterfering, I must say that she couldn't have chosen a better guy. He isn't perfect, but he is real good provider and a hard worker in their home.
I sincerely hope your parents give you and your husband the same chance and don't miss out on their grandchildren when they come along. I would be lost without mine.
Lew W
Dakota-
The letter was primarily about how I did not appreciate them shunning me for not bring a JW. They like my husband but since he's not a JW they don't talk to either of us. On the rare occasion my mother does talk to me she mentions grandkids. I was merely informing her that if she couldn't accept me not being a JW, then she would not get to see her grandkids either.
Your post really tears at my heart. This stupid shunning policy of the wbts is destroying families. If you simply inform them that THEIR actions of not comunicating and visiting you will mean they will miss out on seeing your children. That you are not going to not let them. That you prefer that they see your family as it grows. This leaves the problem with them. Since people are constantly changing and there is a lot now going on to discredit the wbts I would suggest you display a continuing interest in having close ties with your parents for the sake of the children.
My heart goes out to you. I and others have lived through these things and they do hurt and hurt badly. But we can not change others and do not want to adopt the jw attitude in return. Live your life. Enjoy your marriage and your family as children arrive. Associate with any family members that treat you well. Your parents will see this and maybe realize that THEY not you are missing out on a part of life that could be very enjoyable.
Stinky, I would say it was direct and to the point and not disrespectful. If you and your husband are to be shunned, then shouldn't they also shun any grandchildren? They cannot have it both ways, as far as I am concerned. I pray that your letter reaches their hearts and they forget the Watchtowers archaic and barbaric shunning policy and when you do have children, they grow with the love of both you and your husband, as well as their grandparents.
Good for you for sticking up for yourself.
Lew W
(((stinky)))
Crying is good, done a lot of that lately myself (like right now, reading your post).
FWIW, I take solace in knowing that those who now have nothing to do with me are just stuck in a behavior-controlled environment, and that most haven't really stopped caring about me. I know this because many of them have "broken the rules" and told me so. I pray for them all.
Like outoftheorg said: They may have cut you off, but don't cut them off! Blood is thicker than water, and who knows what the future will bring?
Craig
StinkyPantz,
I just wrote a similar letter to my parents, inviting them to call/visit. But they haven't responded. I also asked for an explanation of why they are shunning me -- could it be obedience to an organization, or don't they love me anymore? Oh -- and my daughter is an innocent victim of all this too.
I expect my letter to hit their circular file, or to be tucked away never to be considered again.
I totally empathize with you. I don't expect to hear much at all from my parents for the rest of their lives. This is all so sad, I am at my wit's end and am about to mentally abandon them (for the sake of my own sanity).
Gopher
Gopher, sometimes that has to be done. Let them know how much you love them, but you will not submit to their emotional blackmail. You and StinkyPantz both are grown and adults and starting families of your own. Mommie and Daddy now take the back seat to your mates and children. Whatever it takes to ensure your sanity and the well being of your family is what you'll have to do. I pray that both your families see the error of the Watchtowers way and come to their senses soon.
Lew W
((((Stinky))))
I just last nite saw the email you sent me. Please check your mail for my reply.
Stinky - you gotta do whatever it is that you feel is right. Not what we feel is right, but what you feel. It just can't be any other way.
You have been trained by X years of association in and with Jehovah's Witnesses not to trust your own judgement. Try to throw off that training. You know what's right for you.
Francois
