Fat Man Dancing.....

VioletAnai

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mow the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

The day care teacher holds up a picture and asks, "What's this?" "A horsy," one child answers.
"And this?" the teacher asks. "A piggy." replies another youngster.
And now this one?" asks the teacher, holding up a picture of a male deer with a beautiful rack of antlers. There was no answer, only total silence. "Come now, children," she coaxes, "I'll give you a little hint. What does your Mommy call your Daddy when he hugs and kisses her a lot?"
"I know! I know!!" exclaims one little girl. "It's a horny bastard!"

Q: What must a woman do when a man is running around in circles?
A: Reload and continue shooting.

Q: Why can't men get Mad Cow Disease?
A: Because it only attacks the brain.

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor.

Q: A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"
A: The woman says : "I will surely miss you!"

Hehe

VioletAnai

You boys know I luv ya!!!!!!

Edited by - violetanai on 2 July 2002 2:0:22

Beck_Melbourne

So funny...that was a good giggle to end the day...got anymore? LOL

Beck

VioletAnai

Sorry Hun, I'll hunt for some more just for you....But feel free to add yer own........

How was your day? Hope it wasn't a drag like mine!!!!!

Edited by - Violetanai on 2 July 2002 2:17:25

Mackin

An inquisitive young man was on a flight to Hawaii and having a few drinks to celebrate he upcoming vacation. He became alarmed when he found that the men's bathroom was out-of-order. He asked the flight attendant for admittance to the ladies' room. "Certainly," said the attendant, "as long as you don't touch the WW button, the PP button, or the ATR button." Of course the young man agreed.

No sooner had he relieved himself when curiosity go the better of him and he pressed the WW button. He enjoyed the sensation of warm water being sprayed up onto his ass. This first experiment was so pleasant that he had no hesitation in reaching for the PP button, and was rewarded by the soft pat of powder puff on his ass. It felt so good that he pressed the ATR button.

The next thing he knew he was waking up in a bright, white room with a nurse standing over his bedside. "What happened?" he asked groggily.

"You pushed the WW button, right?" said the nurse, with a knowing look in her eye.

"Yes," he replied.

"You also pushed the PP button, am I right?"

"Yes, again," he responded.

"And then you pushed the ATR button, am I correct?"

"Yeah, so?"

"ATR stands for Automatic Tampon Removal. By the way, your penis is in a jar on the cabinet."

VioletAnai

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!

Beck_Melbourne

That was funny Mackin...

Sorry Vi I don't have any 'clean' ones LOL...and my day has been sh*thouse, thanks for asking. I need a holiday...work sux...I feel so underappreciated and overworked. What would I do without your jokes and humour to get my thru the day Vi

Beck

GarbageGirl

Those were great!!! LMAO

OK, this isn't as great, but I got a chuckle out of it. Just got it in my Email today, so I thought I'd share:

A father came home from a long business trip to find his young son riding a
brand new bike.

"Where did you get the money for that?" he asked. "It must have cost over
300 dollars!"

"I earned it hiking," replied the boy.

"Hiking??? Come on son; tell your Dad the truth. Nobody can make that sort
of money hiking. Where did you Really get the cash from?"

"It's like I say, Dad. Every night when you were gone, Mr. Goldberg from the
bank would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a 20 dollar bill and tell me
to take a hike"!

SweatPea

The company that I work for has its corporate offices in Michigan. I travel the US for them and on occasions some of them travel with me. Im a pure southern girl so Im teased about my southern accent and heritage. The following is an example of what I love to E-mail them.

A Southerner is having breakfast (coffee, grits,

biscuits, and jam) when a Northerner chewing

obnoxiously on gum sits down next to him. The

Southerner ignores the Northerner who, nevertheless,

starts a conversation.

Northerner: When you southern people eat bread, do

you eat the whole slice?

Southerner: Yep.

Northerner: (after blowing a huge bubble) We dont.

Up north, we only eat whats inside. The crusts we

collect in a container, recycle it, then transform

them into biscuits and send them to the South.

The Northerner has a smirk on his face. The

Southerner listens in silence.

The Northerner persists: Do you eat jam with

biscuits?

Southerner: Yep.

Northerner: (cracking and smacking his gum between

his teeth and chuckling). We dont. Up North after

we eat fruit for breakfast, we put all the peels,

seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them,

transform them into jam and then send it down South.

Then the Southerner asks: Yall have sex up North?

Northerner: Why of course we do, the Northerner

says, as he pops another big bubble.

Southerner: And what do yall do with the condoms

once ya use em?

Northerner: We throw them away, of course.

Southerner: We dont. Down South we put em in a

jar, recycle em, melt em down into bubble gum

And sell em to Yankees.

Edited by - Sweatpea on 2 July 2002 9:17:21

Edited by - Sweatpea on 2 July 2002 9:18:10

Farkel

A man in his early thirties was in a hospital dying and no one knew why. His wife was at his side. He said to her, "I know I'm going to die, so I must confess something to you before I go."

She took his hand and softly replied, "No, dear. You don't need to do that. Everything is fine." But he continued to insist. She finally said, "Ok, what do you want to tell me?"

He said, "I feel so ashamed, honey. I had sex with your mother, your sister and your best friend."

She started stroking his hand and quietly said, "It's ok, darling. I already know all of that. After all, that's why I poisoned you."

Farkel

Fat Man Dancing.....

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