Reverse Shunning

by mrhhome 13 Replies latest jw friends

  • mrhhome
    mrhhome

    OK. Now I find myself in an odd situation. My wife's family, who has let the Witnesses walk all over her for 30 years, is trying to play nice. (Mother-in-law is a Witness. Father in-law is not.) They are actually going to visit.

    My issue is this. I appreciate that they are trying to play nice, but when you press my mother in-law, she still has a cult mindset. She genuinely loves her daughter but will fold when the Witnesses put pressure on her. If you start pressing, you find all the cult ellusiveness and denial.

    What the heck am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to accept them with open arms and blindly hope that we do not encounter issues again in the future? Do I swing to the other extremely and prohibit my family from having any interactions with any Witnesses?

    Really, what the heck am I supposed to do? My choice is between (a) letting my family play with a rabid dog or (b) implementing the very shunning that I have fought against.

  • WingCommander
    WingCommander

    I feel ya, as I'm in similar circumstances with my non-JW in-laws. I pretty have shunned them the past 4 years.

    Here is the thing, there is a big differance between JW shunning and the shunning I am doing (and that you have done apparently)

    JW shunning is done out of manipulation, punishment, and to scare (manipulate) members back into the fold and under the cult mind-control.

    My (and probably your) shunning is a REACTION to the abusive treatment that we have recieved from said family members. They are toxic, and I want NOTHING to do with them or their hatefulness, therefore I stay as far away from them as I can, and want NOTHING to do with them. My (our) shunning is done as a protective measure in order to further protect ourselves from their mental abuse.

    Big differance here, so think nothing of not wanting to be around people that have screwed you over and emotionally abused you. Big differance. You are right not to want anything else to do with them, whereas they are just self-righteous a**holes.

    - Wing Commander

  • LisaRose
    LisaRose

    Be polite.

  • sarahsmile
    sarahsmile

    Look most people know how to respect a temporarily visiting relative.

    If it is not your mother and father leave it to the wife. Stand up for your wife when needed.

    And smile at her when she is stressed.

    A man who stands by his wife without interferring in her relation is a smart man.

    Dump shits cause conflicts and problems.

  • JimmyPage
    JimmyPage

    I totally relate to your situation. Every time I spend time with a JW, even when I like them as a person, it just becomes exhausting to be around all their JW bullcrap, which they invariably bring up because their life revolves around it.

  • talesin
    talesin

    Anyone who visits my home, has to go by *my* rules, and those of my flatmate. You can tactfully and firmly, establish that you will not tolerate disrespect for you and yours in your home. Let your wife know that you support her fully in her courtship (?) of the JW family, and that you are 'prepared for the worst, but hope for the best'. You can be partners in crime - have a secret signal - when they do something that is close to OTT, you can give each other the signal and *she* will feel she is not alone - you will feel less like exploding! Maybe have a private chuckle about it later. Just a thought ...

    It's rough.

    tal

  • Crazyguy
    Crazyguy

    Be nice then if anything comes up hit them between they eyes with all the love stuff that Jesus talked about and how love is what its all about. Quote scriptures like if two or more meet in my name I'm with them and any other scriptures that blow up there exclusive right to salvation.

  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim

    just shun them right back, throw it right back in there face

  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    As TALESIN said - YOUR home, YOUR rules. If anyone disrespects either, you simply ask them to go, and tell them they are welcome back when they decide to act respectfully toward you and yours!

    Don't fight evil with evil - why sink down to their disgustingly low level of cult mentality? You're better than that!

  • Fernando
    Fernando

    What WingCommander said.

    What must one do with relentlessly abusive, extremely toxic, and extreme destructive family members, except take note of just how poisonous the food is that Watchtower followers are being fed?

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