Sheparding Call

by DS211 32 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  sir82

  Not sure what your ultimate goal is, but, if you just want to fade and be left alone, just make lots of vague references to "emotional distress" and how you "need to work a few things out", and "you appreciate the brothers' concern", etc. etc. etc.

  Smile and nod, agree with everything he says, and deflect any questions you don't want to answer.

  Most elders are scared of anything that looks like "depression" or "emotional problems" - how to help those with such issues is not covered in the elders book nor in WT publication, and they don't know how to handle it.

  They'll likely be anxious to get the heck out of your house if you sound vaguely "depressed" and indicate that it will be a long term chronic condition.

  Elders like nice, short, quick & easy to resolve problems.

  If you look like you're going to need lots of time-consuming attention, they will leave you alone.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Without going into your situational specifics, generic advice seems to stand here.

  When elders want to visit, the best course is to say "No thanks." Maybe be a bit insistent on that with "I said 'NO THANKS!' I know how to contact you if I have any reason to do so."

  If family asks about it, truthfully say "I don't want the inquisition."
• 

  DS211

  Some good advice here...the difficulty i face is this cong is filled with people who pick us out of the crowd. We were baptised with this hall and i am recognized because i was "worldly" and converted...so they oay a lot of attention to my wife and i. If i were in trouble they wouodve brought me back at the end of the meeting so i know its just that, an inquisition. They wanna know why i missed all those meetings and why i seem to have change
• 

  DS211

  Anything i know to be incriminating ill avoid since my wife doesnt know how deep my doubts go. Hopefully when i ask what its about ill get some sort of answer and not something vague. I did hear this same elder who approached me make a joke to me when passing out my KMs. He called me over and said "Mr. brother! I have a lot for ya! Delinquent eh?". He was trying to be lovingly joke....ful lol but this gave away the reason for this visit i think.
• 

  DATA-DOG

  Here is what I am going to do, because I agree with SYME. If an Elder wants to talk out of real concern, then I will say, " Sure! Let's talk!" Then I will sit down in my seat and motion for them to sit down. If they say they want to go in the back room, then I will say no. Surely if they just want to be encouraging, they can talk in the KH auditorium. If they won't, then why not??

  You could take it one step further. Tell one Elder that they can come have coffee and talk. If they ask for another Elder, say the deal is off. REMEMBER, they can't do anything without 2 witnesses. If you choose to engage 2 Elders, you must know exactly what your doing. I don't recommend that route if you just want to fade and think about things.

  DD
• 

  tiki

  it's all about "encouragement"........ it's your call - if you want the visit, fine.....if not, you are under no obligation to say comon over....
• 

  RubaDub

  If possible, having someone else there in the house can work really well. They will be MUCH less likely to probe into personal matters or may not ask any real questions at all.

  If they do ask for any kind of privacy, it then puts you on the offense by telling them " I have nothing to hide ... we can all talk together."

  Of course if it is a brother they may mention that they want to talk to you alone and the brother may be forced to leave. However, a non-JW relative can work really good.

  Also, if you are having any work done around the house (painter, plumber, etc.) that would be a great time to have them there.

  Rub a Dub
• 

  ABibleStudent

  HI DS211, Send the elder an email/text to notify him of your position so that you can prove that you notified the elders. Would the following message help your situation?

  "Dear Elder, Thank you for your concern. Please notify all the elders that I'm am feeling very stressed and please do not contact me nor any of my family members without contacting me first by phone/text/email. When I need your help, I will contact you or the other elders."

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert
• 

  DS211

  i believe they want to have a visit with my wife and i....so having another person thats not a JW prob wont work. But i agree About truing to just chat right there. If theres two witnesses want i will probably decline. Like i said they know ive had doubts before so im sure theyve got that filed away lol. Im gonna ask him what its about so i know more of what to expect and then oush it till after my trip so i have plenty of time.
• 

  The Searcher

  If it's simply a shepherding call, then why don't they just tell you so?

  It is only reasonable for someone to ask them politely, "Why am I being privileged with a visit from the elders?". If they remain unforthcoming about their motives, play the depression card as suggested, thank them for their concern, but you'll call them when you're feeling better!

  It wouldn't hurt to be prepared to say, (if they really push you) that your personal problems can only be told to Jehovah in prayer, and then thank them again for their loving concern!! :)

  P.S. DO NOT ALLOW ELDERS TO HAVE A MEETING WITH YOUR WIFE ON HER OWN!!