MANDATORY Reporting of Child Abuse

by silentlambs 129 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

• 

  dungbeetle

  I read this, and a link is not good enough:

  Everyone must report all cases of child abuse
  "The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong in the broken places."
  -Ernest Hemingway

  The first blow strikes you across the face. You feel the hand print staining your cheek. The sharp pain persists. The tears begin to well in your eyes.

  You are touched in ways that you know are wrong, yet there is nothing you can do about it. You are poked, prodded, fondled. And then the beating starts again.

  The second punch is harder than the first, aimed at your stomach. You double over in pain, gasping for breath. You bend over, begging for air. You are kicked, stepped on, pinned down against your will. Kicked again. Pulled up by your hair. Punched. Slapped. Bruised. Beaten. Defeated

  You want to fight back. You want to defend yourself somehow, but it is impossible. Why? You look down at your body and what do you see? You are not a college student.

  You are not 21 or 19. You are a child, maybe 3 years old, maybe 8 or 12. And who is this monster attacking you? Some stranger? Are you the victim of some random hate crime?

  You stare at the face of your attacker, at the person who has done this to you so many times in your short life. It is not a stranger -- it is family. A relative. A father, mother, aunt, brother.

  Your body, frail and fragile, gives up. You succumb to the pain, dropping to your knees and then your stomach. Your body instantly curls into a ball.

  You huddle in a fetal position, letting the sobs sniffle their way out. Why? Why? You ask yourself over and over. Why?

  Child abuse is one of America's hidden killers. Think this couldn't happen to you? According to Child Abuse Prevention Services (www.arbon.com/abuse), over 3.1 million children are abused or neglected each year.

  One out of every four females is sexually abused by the time she is 18. One in seven males suffers the same fate. Over 2000 children die each year from this abuse.

  They are beaten, bruised, prayed upon. In some cases, the abuse isn't physical or sexual, but mental and verbal. This abuse is just as detrimental to these children. The scars that remain, although not visible, never heal.

  We are one big family, America. And we have a responsibility to help protect these children. They are our children; they are our future. They cannot defend themselves, and so we must.

  Thousands of cases go unreported. Of those 3.1 million cases of abuse and neglect, only 90,000 are reported. We need to help save these children, and notifying the proper officials is the first step. If you know of any instance of abuse, it is your moral duty to report it and help that child.

  The National Child Abuse Hotline, 1-800-4-A-CHILD, is open 24 hours a day. There are crisis intervention counselors available around they clock, and they want to help.

  But they need you to make the first step. If you are aware of a child abuse victim, call and get that child help. Save that abused child now, before it's too late. Help the victims, save a life.

  The abused children, these scarred precious humans, deserve the chance to live their lives to the fullest. After experiencing so many awful things, these children need our help. They are practically destroyed by their abusive experiences.

  And, like Ernest Hemingway once said, "The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong in the broken places." With our help, the abused, the victims, can rebuild the strength that has been shattered
  Cold and scared, you continue to cry, still huddled in your tight little ball. Your body is weak and has long given up. Your wounds sting, your muscles ache. The blood has crusted to your cuts. The bruises have already started to appear.

  Your mind thinks of lies to cover them up: falling down the stairs, out of bed, off your bike. You have no one to turn to, no one to confide in. No one would believe such a story: your own relatives abusing you, hurting you, destroying you.

  And suddenly you see it. A shimmer of light, a brilliant glow. Reaching out to you is a hand, the hand of a friend, a teacher, someone who cares.

  Slowly you offer your own weakened hand. And slowly the pain begins to heal, the physical wounds disappear, and you learn to heal the inside. And you live, you survive, you defeat.
• 

  Marvin Shilmer

  To all, a question:

  If an unidentified child comes to one of you and says they are a victim of abuse and needs help but is unwilling to discuss the problem if their story will be reported automatically to authorities, will you help the child or turn him or her away? If you explain to the child that you believe it is in their best interest to report any allegation of child abuse regardless of how they feel and yet they insist they will not talk about the subject or cooperated with anyone who would automatically report their allegation, what would you do?

  Why have you answered as you have?

  A similar question with some context:

  Assuming the WTS one day invokes a policy that elders should ALWAYS encourage that victims of abuse should report the crime to authorities, then,

  If a child approaches an elder and says, “I want to talk about being molested, but I am unwilling to do it if law enforcement must be notified of who did it to me,” should the elder turn the child away or provide them with whatever help they could otherwise give? In answering this question keep in mind that the child approached the elder, not the other way around. If the elder turns down offering whatever help they could have because of mandatory reporting and the child never approaches anyone else for help, who has been protected? Then who would have an opportunity to encourage and strengthen the child to a point where they would turn in their abuser?

  Why have you answered as you have?

  Path asked:

  I will ask you directly, when a victim comes forward with their story to Silentlambs, do you Bill Bowen contact the authorities if the victims have not yet done so? Or do you allow the victim to make that choice? If victims knew that if they told their story to you, you would contact the authorities irregardless of their wishes, do you think you would be contacted by more victims or less victims?

  The closest thing to an answer from Bill I could find:

  I have talked to many victims who have never reported their abuse, I simply encourage them to talk about it to counselors, close friends, or report the matter on the sl website. The more they learn they can speak out the more likely they are to report the crime.

  It appears Bill does not practice automatic reporting of child abuse allegations himself. If this is true then maybe Bill is correct, maybe we don’t understand it when in the past he has asserted that the only good policy for elders is that it be mandated that they report all allegations of child abuse/molestation, without further ado. Of course, this still does not answer the last part of Path’s question; a question that deserves close consideration by those who would insist on mandatory reporting no matter the feelings of the victim.

  I think my response would be similar to Bill’s. I would encourage victims to talk with anyone they felt comfortable with (including some JW elder they might have confidence in) hoping they would receive healing assistance to a point where they could cooperate with law enforcement officials in identifying and prosecuting their victimizer(s).
• 

  dungbeetle

  Bill Bowen does not claim to be God's only true channel to humans.

  Bill does not claim to be a practicing clergyman.

  Bill doesn't claim that anyone and everyone who does not agree with him is going to be killed, plus their children and companian animals.

  Therefore, he (nor I) should be held to the same standards.

  All someone has to do who wants to discuss their abuse but not 'report' the abuser is simply not give the abuser's name, I believe, or any identifying factors. "A trusted family friend' or some such thing. It could be a start. That happens a lot on the web, in case you haven't noticed. People report their abuse without naming names. That is their choice and it HAS to be respected...there's no name to report!!!

  Happens all the time.
• 

  morrisamb

  Re: "But if the "innocent" parent does hold back from reporting a crime like this, I would be inclined to hold them somewhat responsible."

  Thanks McCullough for your response. Of course, you don't know the whole story, so I'll clarify a little...

  Here's the irony of our situation: A body of Elders publicly reproved my mother for not disclosing abuse and then sleeps well at night as they send four victims to the molester's home and don't disclose the abuse to the police. 'Job well done....we protected the congregation.'

  That is ridiculous. My mother was abused by my father from the moment they married. He owned her and brainwashed her. My mother was not a co-abuser. I have had 20 years of excellent therapy and I've heard all the psycho-babble crap about how the silent parent "knows" and does nothing, and, of course, there are those sick cases where the Mother does nothing to help her children, calls them liars etc., BUT this did not happen in our situation. Our Mother believed us, condemned him in front of us.

  I think our case makes the hall-of-shame top 10 Witness blunders of all time awards.
  You want proof: Here's another excerpt from my book: (NOTE: ALL NAMES ARE CHANGED IN Father's Touch EXCEPT FOR MY FAMILY; I'VE ALSO EDITED THIS EXCERPT TO ONLY WHAT IS APPLICABLE TO THIS THREAD; THIS IS ONLY FROM CHAPTER 14 OF A 46 CHAPTER BOOK)

  But were the Elders aware that an adult who engages in a sexual act with a child is committing a criminal offense? There was no talk of contacting the police, reporting our disclosure to the Children’s Aid Society, or offers of escape.
  How could a twelve-year-old boy know this event would be the beginning of a long series of disclosures, public announcements, hearings, and media attention? I didn’t. The only emotion I remember during that period was sadness over my mother being punished. She was being punished for knowing about the abuse for two years.
  Would it have been such a sin to stand up, say, “This is a load of crap!” and walk out of that meeting? Such a blasphemous move would have labeled one a devil’s disciple. We four children believed in this system of discipline, even if we didn’t understand it. How could we know better? The Elders dealt with our problems internally because their perspective was focused on not being a part of the ungodly world.
  Separating church and state led to an unspoken taboo against interference and also a desire to stay innocent....In general, though, if someone broke the law of the land, the Elders encouraged the individual to initiate the unwieldy process of settling accounts with the appropriate law enforcement officials....Why had the Elders not encouraged Daniel D’Haene to go to the police? Was not incest also a serious crime?
  No doubt the fact that Ronny’s disclosure followed on the heels of ...[another case involving a different crime] ...worked against us..... Four physically healthy children came before him [an Elder] to testify. We were not seen as Daniel’s victims. We were witnesses and participants in a series of sinful acts. More importantly, we were alive—what did we have to complain about? Such was the depth of ignorance of sexual abuse within the Witness society in 1973.
  Yet Elder Surin wasn’t completely naïve. He told me, “I warned my wife to keep our children away from your father.”
  Did the adult players in this fiasco act out of self-interest? I was a child. What did I know? I wished someone would have taken us away from my father, but I did not understand the legalities of the situation. Outside the looking glass that was my childhood, one could ask why Mother had not taken action to remove us. Were we asking more of the Elders than of her? Perhaps. But Judgment Day seemed far off. Was it so wrong to look to the shepherds of the flock to be our immediate saviors? The Elders were well-educated men. Mother was not. Who had more responsibility?
  I know that I associated disclosure with hurtful consequences, unfair punishment. These experiences only encouraged my separation from reality. I was a body without a voice, programmed to be silent, to feel nothing. There was no acknowledgement of my worth. In fact, my public image was negative by association. I was my father’s child. I had hardly begun my life and already the strikes against me were building. Worst of all, a condescending attitude from certain ministers—God’s chosen Elders —fed the feeling that a negative energy was coming to us in an indirect way from God. One traveling Witness overseer told me that from the moment he heard of our being sexually abused, he vowed never to touch another glass or cup in the Kingdom Hall—because it was tainted by, “your father’s touch.”
  He was truly horrified by our experience. He always expressed genuine caring for my family—and chose a symbolic act that would signify his personal protest to the abuse, yet he never made an overt gesture of help. He never said, “Get out! Call the police or I will!” His revelation was like an abuse victim of a Catholic priest receiving a get-well card from the Pope. Too little—too late.

  Chapter 14, pg 80-81
  Copyright 2002, Father's Touch, AMERICAN BOOK PUBLISHING

  FOR MORE INFORMATION ON MY BOOK: VISIT www.fatherstouch.com
• 

  silentlambs

  Marvin and Path by their words continue to defend Wt Policy. Once again they are double teaming this thread to try and change the subject to a personal attack on silentlambs. Small men with small agendas who care more for their personal viewpoints than what is in the interests of children. Your united stubborn opinion ultimately protects child molesters.

  Now for the answer to the question you could care less about knowing the answer to;

  Any victim who is a child that has been molested that comes to my attention will immediately be reported to the police. Any adult who reports a molestation when they were a child will be strongly encouraged to turn the pedophile over to the authorities and given whatever support they need which may include counseling to get them to do so asap. I have talked to hundreds of victims of abuse, devoted hundreds of hours of my time, and thousands of dollars from my pocket to assist victims to report child molesters as well as require the change of WT Policy. Sadly your positions are to "face no sanction" or requirement of reporting if they do not wish to do so. The child molesters need more men with opinions like yours, you service them well.

  Yet here I sit tonight after talking to six victims today for five hours on the telephone wasting my mental effort offering answers to two pompous nobodies who by their comments show they would rather defend a position of WT Policy rather than get off their cowardly backsides and work for victims of molestation.

  "Let the reader use discernment"
• 

  dungbeetle

  In the case of many families where the father is the abuser, the mother has a choice between sticking up for her children, or sacrificing their safety and well-being so SHE won't have to go through all the trials and troubles normal people do when they go out into the world and make a life for themselves and their families. These people know right from wrong.

  A mother has an obligation to protect her children from harm, even if that harm is from their father/her husband. But it's not a perfect world, and there are no perfect people.

  But that is a far cry from 'innocent', or not being responsible and accountable.

  Education is an important part of helping to ensure that the next crop of abusers in 10 years, if not preventable, is at least smaller. We've let this problem exist in our human family for thousands of years; maybe we all have to accept the fact that we can't fix it in one generation.

  Kind of like nucleur waste.
• 

  morrisamb

  To Dungbeetle: Since I went public 20 years ago, more than 1000 victims have confided in me about their experience. Of all those men and women, maybe 5 involved cases where the Mother was an abuser herself, and or wilfully and knowingly looking away.

  Just as the abusing priests in the Catholic Church use every scape goat in the book (I heard one on the news say these words: Well, these boys were available...), I believe that generalizing and not pinning the blame squarely where it belongs serves to deminish the culpability of the perpetrator.
  I've sat in court, I've heard this kind of evidence presented time and again: "The accused was an alcholic...drug abuser...his wife wouldn't give him his marital due...he was possessed by demons...he was having a nervous breakdown...his religion confused him...the victim came to him.." You name it.
  Rarely is the dialogue "The accused accepts total responsibility for the crimes he committed...He raped children in a calculated, premeditated manner."
  Well, you get the drift.

  I believe that society feels better rationalizing that Mothers share the blame so that "we" don't have to feel responsible for not stepping in and rescuing the victims (or initiating the process by reporting). To suggest that these Mothers don't rescue their children so that they "won't have to go through all the trials and troubles normal people do when they go out into the world and make a life for themselves and their families" shows a lack of understanding of the complex dynamics, the individuality of each scenario. But that's my opinion and I respect your right to express your own.
• 

  Sunspot

  "I have talked to hundreds of victims of abuse, devoted hundreds of hours of my time, and thousands of dollars from my pocket to assist victims to report child molesters as well as require the change of WT Policy. Sadly your positions are to "face no sanction" or requirement of reporting if they do not wish to do so. The child molesters need more men with opinions like yours, you service them well."

  Ahhh, yes. Let's by all means, perpetuate this travesty instead of taking positive steps to eradicate it!

  "Yet here I sit tonight after talking to six victims today for five hours on the telephone wasting my mental effort offering answers to two pompous nobodies who by their comments show they would rather defend a position of WT Policy rather than get off their cowardly backsides and work for victims of molestation."

  Bill, your dedication and sacrifice on behalf of all the little victims stands only to be admired.

  Where was it said, that "if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem"?

  Hugs,

  Annie
• 

  dungbeetle

  Morrisamb: >more than 1000 victims have confided in me about their experience. Of all those men and women, maybe 5 involved cases where the Mother was an abuser herself, and or wilfully and knowingly looking away.<

  I can name off the top of my head no less than twenty famous cases where women were the abusers of their children, to the point of death or near death.

  Those children had fathers very much like your mother, at least so I'm guessing.

  In addition I've done volunteer work with mothers who were in abusive situations with their children. Most of the mothers were in therapy because someone had reported them for child abuse. Some were there in therapy under duress (court orders, etc) but there were one or two who were grateful the authoirites had been called. They confessed to me that they may very well have killed their children, without intervention. That was over a decade ago and sometimes I still wonder how they all are doing. I've never seen their names in the newspapers, that's good news I guess.

  Times are different now. Help is available. This isn't 'twenty years' ago. This is now.

  Education begins with us. Then we exchange and proliferate what we know, and it spreads, likes ripples in a pond that become the waves of the ocean.

  I think we are living in wondrous times. I think there is hope for the human family. I think we're going to beat this thing.

  Hugs to everyone who has posted on this thread.
• 

  morrisamb

  Dear Dungbeetle, I appreciate the spirit. It's great to see.

  I do think that if after 20 years, this is only how far we've come, yikes! On the other hand, that wouldn't and won't stop me from doing my part.

  And I still think unless you've seen it from the eyes of within...a monster's victim, son, daughter, wife, (and I don't care what anyone says, most molesters are men), you can only imagine, speculate, judge, should of's, would of's, could of's. For from even within, for example, my siblings, my mother's and my own experience, we individually chose complete different paths of disclosure, release, healing, etc. Even the way we dealt with the abuse as it happened is individual.

  Finally all four of us siblings believe, without a shadow of a doubt, we'd be dead without our dear Mother's love, sense of humour, humanity, kindness and unconditional love. Of those things, we are thankful she is guilty of.