Is it ever ok not to expose pedophilia?

by SixofNine 24 Replies latest jw friends

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  teejay

  After much thought:

  No.
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  bitter mango

  i agree with vali on this one.

  let me dream inside you
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  Pathofthorns

  I would agree that the authorities should be contacted if any child IS being abused or in a dangerous home environment. But I think we need to keep in mind that most of these people who have been molested or abused had this occur several years in the past when they were children.

  At some point these individuals attempt to come to terms with what happened. They may confide in someone and begin to talk about what happened to them. What the Silentlambs group appears to be suggesting is that if an elder were to hear this information he should immediately report the matter to the authorities whether the victim wishes this to be done or not.

  From what Bill posted earlier on this thread, it would seem that in actual practice he takes exactly the same position as the WT in leaving it up to the victim to decide whether to go to the authorities. Unless Bill Bowen reports all crimes that come to his attention I would be mistaken.

  I have talked to many victims who have never reported their abuse, I simply encourage them to talk about it to counslers, close friends, or report the matter on the sl website. The more they learn they can speak out the more likely they are to report the crime.

  The fact that many states don't have mandatory reporting laws is proof that the matter is not black or white.

  Why leaving it to the victim to go to the authorities is wise in the majority of these cases where the abuse happened in the past is because it is the victim's testimony that will be required to build a case. It is the victim who may indeed be 'victimized' again in the courtroom through harsh cross-examinations.

  A victim may have made much progress in moving on from what happened and this fragile recovery could be set back as they are forced to relive the events that happend for the court in the often slim hopes of a conviction. Sure, a victim may have done their civic duty, but at what price?

  when you do not report a child molester and he or she molests another child you now share in the crime.

  How does a statement like this make the majority of victims feel who have not reported the crime committed against them? Are the victims criminals now?

  I would venture to say it is families that are more often than not covering over abuse while it is occuring and indefinitely after it has occurred. I think it is unacceptable for any parent to cover over for abuse on the part of a mate or another relative or anyone. Why have we been overlooking the parent's responsibility in all of this?

  Because we hate the WT. Run WT, Run

  Path
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  morrisamb

  Path, excellent points.
  Every case must be judged individually. Because I went public with my case, scores of people who have been raped or sexually abused ask me my opinion on disclosure. I do not give pie in the sky, flippant answers for such a personal and important subject. One of the reasons I wrote my book was to help people who are considering using the justice system...In a perfect world, every child who discloses their abuse receives love, support, protection, justice.
  Time for a reality check: people have been disclosing -- to teachers, police, ministers, parents, friends -- how many of these do you think have positive experiences? From my experience, few and far between.
  I think it is of utmost important to prepare victims who disclose to some real harsh possiblities..That some people are going to say the wrong things, that molesters rarely tell the truth unless it involves a plea bargain, that some people aren't going to want to listen to your pain, that sentences often don't match the severity of the crime, that some people will make you feel different, might suggest changing your name or moving away...finally that some people might consider you a whiney little brat that won't go away.
  How do I know? My siblings and I experienced every single one of these possiblities.
  There is no question, if anyone knows of abuse, report it immediately!!!
  But don't tell a victim what she or he should do unless you are willing to be there for them throughout the gruelling process that immediately follows disclosure.
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  waiting

  Thank you, Donald, for such a thoughtful answer. It ain't easy.

  My daughter told of my brother forcing her to have oral sex with him from her ages 6-11 while he was aged 13-17 (approx). When was I told? When she was 21. I called him - he confirmed.

  While in therapy, she told therapist - I also told same therapist (who appeared in court many times as specialist in dealing with child rape). Did she EVER suggest reporting my brother to either of us? Did she report him? Absolutely not.

  My brother entered therapy - and during such, I told him about memories that I had of my father sexually abusing him. My psych. prof. aunt said I should tell him. His therapist told me to stop talking to him as these were my memories and not his - and he was one sick puppy, and had acknowledged abusing my daughter. Did she report him in Nevada (his state)? Absolutely not.

  Btw, my daughter absolutely refused to speak to my brother - not out of fear. She just has a total aversion to being the center of any storm......and she knew by telling me, it broke my connection with him. She also absolutely refused to tell police. I spoke with his wife about him, and his therapist, but I didn't report him to the police either.

  My daughter-in-law was raped by her older brother and his friend when she was about 11, they were approx 15. She entered therapy at 20. She was never encouraged to report to police, nor did therapist. Interestingly enough, the therapist brought out to the woman that her brother may have been acting out......and there were many reasons to do so in that family (few sexual, however.) It didn't excuse his actions, but helped explain them.

  Just because they're professionals - doesn't mean that reporting will be done.

  waiting