Family is drawing the line in the sand (page 4)

lost

Good for you for having an active life

Bombs the sick card.

Emotional blackmail ah, the memories, had a mother-in-law like it .. grrrr (non jw) and certainly not a 'right' woman.

Wholly

You could honestly say that you have a private issue you are dealing with and don't wish to discuss it.

I think the advice you’re being given is good, but I want to add this caveat. Don’t assume this is a control issue. When I was a Witness and I noticed that someone I loved was not attending meetings or going out in the canvassing work, I made it a personal project to invite them out in the canvassing work myself. I laid the groundwork for this by visiting first and talking over different things we had done together, future prospects we had, what we might want to do in life. That broke the ice; and so when I invited them out and also said I would come by and pick them up, the invitation was usually accepted.

Then, while in the canvassing work, we could talk about what was bothering them. I did this with the people I loved the most and always had good results. My point is that your family may be expressing deep concern for your spiritual welfare. They may not be doing this in the most tactful way, but give them the benefit of the doubt.

On the other hand, they may well be drawing a line in the sand and transgressing personal boundaries. But they may also not be aware of this. Eventually, they will have to be told your feelings about the canvassing work. You can tell them directly now, or you might go canvassing with them and spill the beans then. Whatever you choose, I wish you all the best. But always remember, make it clear that your love for them is unconditional. In that way, the onus will be place where it belongs—on them. If any shunning is done, it will be on their part and not yours. In the meantime, as others have counseled you, find new friends.

Quendi

LisaRose

It's time to learn to set boundaries. You are an adult, you do not need permission to miss meetings. The more pointed and intrusive the questions, the more direct you will need to be. What works is asking questions back, or even just saying nothing. "Sister busybody said I am missing meetings? Hmmm..... how odd. Actually I am fine, how have you been?" If they say "you shouldn't be missing so many meeting" don't respond, just let the silence speak for you, as if you have been insulted and need a moment to think how to respond (which is true, you should be insulted if someone else is rude). Then say "I appreciate your concern, but we are fine" then change the subject. You may have to repeat that sentence until they get that they are not getting anything from you.

You have to teach people how to treat you.

likeabird

I would say don't play the emotional game with them. Just pick and choose which emails you reply to and they will understand with time. You can always say you didn't get round to answering it and in any case you weren't free.

Also do as Blondie said, it is good advice. Make a life for yourself outside, even if it just means doing stuff you like that you used to put off doing for the borg. This is what can make you happy and when your family sees that you're happier than before, it's a little hard for them to go against that.

Worse case scenario, just tell them you need a little me-time, that's all. They don't need all the details.

outofthelionsden

Many have given you good advice . Personally i am in the same situation.. it is very heart breaking to be going through this with your family. Just remember they love you, so yes they do use emotional blackmail but in their eyes its all valid. so, much of what you have to do depends on you.

do you want to be genuine and be who you truly are or do you want to hide it from them?

we started by telling our family that we needed time ,that we needed to think and study to help us spiritually

we personally were open with my father , not acting "apostate"(hate that title) but showing him all of our concerns and what we found out.

well a few weeks later the rest of my family found out and just cut us off, they went to the extreme of changing there phone numbers so that we cant contact them.

they are adult so leave it up to them , put the ball in their court . tell them how much you still love them but that its up to them to them to accept you and even if they don't that you still love them unconditionally, so its there choice

it has been very sad to say the least. as you said it as if they all of a sudden died.

But you come to a point in life that you have to be true to yourself and others to be able to start life free of it all. i wish you the best ! i know exactly what your going through..you can pm me if you like!

Newly Enlightened

DO NOT ADMIT anything to them, they will start shunning you that instant, if they're like my family.

If you live here in the U.S.A, the weathermen are warning about the heatwave coming and since you got heat exhaustion last weekend you have to stay indoors under the air conditioning and take plenty of fluids.

Or, One of your out-of-town friends [don't name any names] just caught their spouse cheating on them and is really down & depressed and you have to go visit them.

If you live in the other hemisphere adapt the excuse to the winter

Dagney

Ah...memories...

My .02, thinking the best of them, this is what they are supposed to do, right? If they are getting demanding and impolite, it is lack of respect for you and they are frustrated, their issues/problem. I don't respond to that emotion.

At that type of scenario, I would have plans for that day...leave town if just for the morning for errands. I would NOT put anything in writing about TTATT, unless you are ready for that.

Seriously, eventually they will give up on trying to coerce you, at least the "demanding" part. They will always try to get you back. Be firm and in control when in contact with them even though you feel you are not. That aura about you will deflat them a bit. Just keep giving excuses...it's none of their damn business even though they think they have the "right" to bully you because they have "da troof." The world does not revolve around them although they think it does.

In the big picture...things are changing...you will be losing these relationships. It's what happens, and it's sad, but then again...it's sad JW's created this situation. Good luck. It's tough, but for some of us, it's the only way...we cannot put up with being a fake JW.

dissonance_resolved

Their intentions are good- its not that they're treating me badly. They are only trying to encourage and support me in staying in the truth. What they don't realize is that instead of encouraging me, it's basically a guilt trip. Thanks to everyone for your help and advice. I have a lot to think about.

Thor

Hello dissonance_resolved, so sorry for what your going through.

My two cents worth is to be as loving and kind as you can be with them. I also agree with Roberta804 to never put anything in writing and with Wholly and say you just need a little privacy right now to put them off a while. Take your time even in responding to their e-mail.

I hope it goes well for you and your family!!

Mrs. Thor

Family is drawing the line in the sand

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