I like your definition Lady Lee. It's what I strive for with my own family. It's the direct opposite from how I was raised and what I continue to deal with with my parents. I hope I'm a good mom...I try to be.
What,s a dysfunctional family in your opinion???
by jam 16 Replies latest social humour
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Satanus
Mine was very disfunctional. In nature, raising offspring is the most stress filled time in the lives of most animals. Stress within a family may be natural. How it is handled might be the deciding factor in how successful the parents are and the mental and physical health of the resulting children. Just surmising.
S
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mrsjones5
I agree Satanus.
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cobaltcupcake
I grew up in a dysfunctional family - Dad sexually and verbally abusive, alcohol problem. Mom completely in denial.
I came out of it with two deep-seated beliefs: Men are incapable of love. Fathers do not love their children. Those were even more deep-seated than the mind-control crap from JWs.
I'm still amazed when I observe parents who recognize their children's talents and actively nurture them. Who cheer their children on when they're doing well and who comfort and support them when they're having a tough time. Parents who are actively involved in their children's education, review their homework, reach out to their teachers. Parents who are completely unselfish, who exercise self-control, who allow their children to be themselves.
I never had any of that. I honestly don't know why my parents had children at all.
I never had children because I was afraid I would do the same thing to them, and I never wanted to treat another human being so badly.
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cobaltcupcake
I should add that thousands of dollars and many years of therapy later, I managed to build a good measure of self-esteem that allowed me to get out of the horrible marriage my parents pushed me into and to leave the cult.
The best revenge is living well.
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Mum
Once I was listening to Dr. Laura on the radio. A caller started her statement with, "I come from a dysfunctional family . . ." at which point Dr. Laura interrupted and said, "Shw me one that isn't! What can I help you with today?"
I don't know how a cult family can be anything but dysfunctional, as the parents have very narrow guidelines as to what their children "should" do with their lives. Being reared in a cult messes people up. That is the result of dysfunction: messed-up human beings without goals or direction.
Unfortunately, when people grow up in a family where they are not supported or counted as worthwhile, they can't "just get over it" without significant help. They are habituated into thinking in certain patterns and have to overcome it. Realizing that you are an adult and the fact that your sister is the parents' "favorite" is no longer relevant.
At some point, we have to take charge of our own lives and put the dysfunction behind us. Thank God we have professional therapists on this board and with AAWA to help with that.
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Lady Lee
I hear you all loud and clear and wow no we didn't have a chance to grow up in a normal of functional family. Our growth was stunted. But it doesn't have to stay that way.
cobalt that was one thing I was so concerned about as a mother. I didn't want to pass on all that abuse to my children. I succeeded in some ways (my kids weren't sexually abused) and I never called them names the way my parents did but as per WT "beat them with the rod of disipline" I failed. They got spanked. Interestingly that stopped as soon as I was no longer a JW.
Now I see my daughter with her children - they have never been spanked. In 2 generations we have turned around the abuse from at least 3 previious generations and who knows how far back it goes.
My mother was abusive before she became a JW. The WTS just gave her Godly permission to beat the crap ou tof us.