Welcome, msconcerned. I have never been a JW. I do think deeply about things. Think of me as the neighbour on the other side of the fence. We are supposed to be kind to each other, yes?
Here's an idea to reduce your confusion. Start a blank notebook and start it off with, "What I believe". Put all the motherhood things in there like love your neighbour, etc. etc.
Here's another idea. Start marking your Watchtower with two highlighters; the new highlighter is for fuzzy logic and false reasoning. Here's a hint; every time they use the word "evidently", they are making stuff up. Mark every time a statement is made without a backing scripture. Sometimes a statement is made with a scripture that barely relates. What doctrines are they making up as they go along? You can make a list of this in your notebook under "What I don't believe any more."