Welcome,..
In case up I have not found it yet, there is a great site that shares much info you will be interested in.
When you feel more comfortable you need to look up, " cognitive dissonance". It's what a person experiences when he confronts valid evidence that conflicts with what he currently believes to be true. And also what has to be done to reduce the dissonance in your mind.
We are the SAME people you would have seen walking around the assemblies, Kingdom Halls, quick builds, etc we have just decided that there are too many things that must be looked into to find out what is wrong.
We are not wicked apostates, that is just a label that the WTBTS has put on ones like us that recognize that something is amiss. They must label ones that are able to think for themselves to prevent everyone from waking up to what is going on.
Never be ashamed or let the WTBTS shame you for waking up to the lies.
Anyway, welcome and continue to move forward with your research. As Gloria Steinham once said " The truth will set you free, but first it's going to piss you off"
NJY