At my breaking point
by so confused 23 Replies latest jw experiences
-
-
so confused
Thanks for all your responses and support. I got a call from my JW sister and brother today. They has spoke to my mom and found out I'm having problems dealing. They apologized for being hard on me. My sister stated she will try to treat me more "gentle" when discussing things with me. They said they love me and are worried about me. My brother said that apostates are just going to twist things to there own agenda. I wanted to say what does the watchtower do. But im tired of fighting and just accepted there apology. I'm sure it wont last for long but hopefully enough time to get my emotions under control and my brain working again and my confidence back.
The other day when when talking to my niece the she asked me if i feel guilty about not going to the meeting. when I told her no. She stated I should feel guilty.
My problem is i care what people think of me its part of my personality for so long. Also, I feel if I trusted myself on such a huge decision and got baptized. Maybe my decison making is not so good and i will make another bad decision. The problem with talking with my df sister about JW stuff is I do feel guilty about putting the JW in a bad light. it's that weird. The same with people at my job. I just cant tell them what is going on. I also have keep them at a distance no socializing out of work for over 4 years. Its hard to change things know. I dont even know what i would tell them.
I need to get myself under control because it if effecting my baby. He gets worried when i get upset. I just started reading this book about attitude is everything and with the right attitute you can get through anything. I know it is a journey and going to take time. I know in the end i will be a stronger person.
I'm glad i took the day off and just spent it with my baby. We had a good day. Took a walk, played with playdoo, read a book and watched Cars (his favorite movie) and took a 3 hour nap we both needed. Also, did some forum therapy. Thanks for taking this journey with me.
-
finally awake
I remember how I felt when I had my babies. There was no one except my husband who I could really count on, and there were days I felt like I was losing my mind. The hormonal changes really knocked me down - even with the third baby I still didn't expect the level of crazy I was feeling. My advice to you is to severely limit contact with any JWs - don't answer the phone, don't read emails, and don't return calls. Let it all just pass right by you, and *if* you get cornered, just say "I;ve been really busy with the baby and I've not been feeling well". The best thing you can do for your stress levels is to disengage from the people who make things worse. I know family can really lay the guilt on thick - but you don't have anything to feel guilty about. They are being overbearing, nosey, and out of line.
-
Retrovirus
Hi, I'm a never-jw (some family in, and "studied" for a few months), but I am a mum. You are exactly right to put your welfare first now, and that of your children, born and not born.
Unfortunately, in my experience jws are trained to detect and exploit vulnerability (after all, it's for our own good right? ). But, it's great that your family have decided to ease off.
Best to avoid discussion of things jw until you are sure you're ready. Don't hesitate to say you're not ready, have a headache, backache, need some space, whatever. Practice some "gentle put-offs" - any counsellor could coach you - such as "I'll consider that when I'm feeling better", "no, not right now, thanks", "tell me about . . .(anything else)" etc.
And keep doing whatever makes you feel good now - spending time with your kid is great; that's the sort of thing you'll remember in the better times to come.
Best wishes, Retro