At my breaking point (page 2)

harleybear

so confused: hold on just for a second. I am a clasic example of long term involvement in the ORG. DO NOT make them more powerful than they are. You have a great resource here and friends who care. Stick to your guns. admit nothing demand proof deny everything file counter accusations. My approach

Chariklo

so confused: harleybear above has it absolutely right.

And you're feeling as you are because you are coming out of a high control cult that conditions its members to feel safe only within it.

Those within it feel safe, but they're not allowed to think or reason except along the tramlines they're given.

You're also feeling like that because that's exactly what they've conditioned you to feel. It's very, very powerful. Even I, with my limited experience and time within it, feel it a little bit.

Any kind of difficulty or setback is all too easy for them to attribute to putting oneself outside the Borg, and it's so easy because part of ourselves says it within our heads. I know. Even I have the same.

But, we know it's not true. We can think, and this site is here and there are so many who can and will help. Whatever the problem, someone else has been there. You are NOT alone.

Oh, and I just thought, today I've been dealing with several very difficult things all at once. I got home at lunchtime already worn out, exhausted. And what did I find on my answering machine? TWO messages from elders!!!!

So, ignore them. You are fine, nothing is your fault, nothing is because you're not going to meetings. It's just life events, and after a run of really bad ones the good ones will definitely come along again.

Black Sheep

I'm with harleybear.

You be the one asking the questions. Do not answer their's.

Tell them nothing. Make them do all the talking & make them talk about subjects that they don't like. You have to control the topic at all times.

...and don't feel guilt for any of it. It was your parents choice to raise you in a high control cult with a 130 year history of failed prophesies and ever changing doctrines, not yours.

Don't feel guilty for their bad behaviour & don't let them think you feel any guilt.

Repeat after me:

I am not guilty of anything.

Chris

jemba

So sorry to hear about your painful time.

As others have stated...things will get better!

I too had post partum depression after both kids and the anxiety is enormous, every little thing is just so hard when you are depressed.

Hopefully the therapist can help you with the anxiety. If you do need 'happy pills', rest assured they can really help you through the impossibly hard times.

Sending you lots of energy and love.

Keep posting here if it makes you feel better, you can use us as a sounding board or just typing out your thoughts, it is therapy in itself.

Fernando

Hey so confused!

Having been through very similar, may I assure you that your responses are definitely "normal" although very serious under these negative, abnormal and trying circumstances.

Our worldview is something we all take for granted and derive a lot of security from. That comes crashing down when we discover it was all built on lies. This is understandably one of the most traumatic and life changing events imaginable. Comparable to rape or even a "hemispherical lobotomy".

A Psychologist with solid (and preferably personal) experience of cults (preferably as a victim) would likely diagnose a series of related conditions such as PTSD, stress, anxiety, dissociative disorder, OCD and so on.

The good news is that their therapies such as EMDRAA, CBT and psychotherapy are safe and really do work well - over time.

Whilst I am largely against (overuse of) Psychiatric drugs, and one-dimensional bio-medical Psychiatric philosophies, a baseline diagnosis from a Psychiatrist of related mental illnesses may also be useful from legal and insurance perspectives.

Psychological, social and authentic spiritual (not religious) therapies can reverse all manner of mental illnesses, whereas Psychiatric drugs generally suppress the symptoms, block the unfolding and necessary transition process, and are often addictive (take for the rest of your life).

Some more enlightened and progressive Psychiatrists such as Stanislav Grof feel that certain so called mental illnesses are better described and understood as temporary spiritual emergencies, and a temporary period of rapid and chaotic change, which should be facilitated and supported instead of drugged and stopped.

Some Psychologists may be supervised by Psychiatrists and may try to pressure you to take drugs.

Some Psychiatrists may be CAM (Complimentary and Alternative Medicine) oriented.

Exercise is medicine - one of the very best. An hour a day of moderate (aerobic level) exercise (even just walking) will do wonders. That is less than 5% of your day! A friend or partner could motivate or push you if needed.

Fruit and vegetables are also of the best medicine.

A naturopath may be able to advise you what to remove from your diet (such as all refined, processed and dairy foods).

Reading, writing and talking can also be very therapeutic/cathartic.

Change is a process, not an event. Embrace it and you will come out stronger and richer on many levels.

Best wishes

Fernando

Witness 007

Hang in there your going thru withdrawls...you have our support.

metatron

My dear suffering woman, tell them you are sick!

Depression and headaches ought to do it. Do not reason with them, they don't appreciate logic anyway. Do not discuss doctrine with them. Just keep repeating that you are sick.

Actually, a trip to the doctor might help at this point - some meds, some rest.....

metatron

MrFreeze

Family is supposed to be there for loving support. Seems like most of your family is not. Definitely start up your relationship with your sister. She will help you with your burden.

jgnat

You are in serious need of some TLC.

Break down your day in manageable segments. If all you can handle is the next ten minutes, do that.
Eat plenty of rest, eat good quality food.
Spend time with good people and the heck with what anyone else thinks.
If you need to write paragraphs to unload here, unload away.

You are indeed close to the edge and you must take this time for yourself.

Bobbi

Hang in there baby! lots of great advice from everyone and follow up with your doctor. With the amount of stress you are under and having a baby, you might need a happy pill for a bit. I finally admitted I needed help after my second son, took a pill for six months and then weaned off it. Sometimes it is just as simple as a chemical imbalance and time needed to think some stuff thru.

On a personal note: I was very surprised when I finally told my non JW family I was out. They welcomed me with open arms and made it so much easier.

Bobbi

At my breaking point

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