As with itunes, you can pre-order your personal copy of "Return to Jehovah" right now!
Beat the other dimwits who slithered away in shame from the kingdom hall. They need elders to hand them a sweaty, dog-eared copy. Be the first in line to receive this latest honey-soaked hypocrisy-fest. You're special. Your heart can be re-captured and restructured. You are easily wooed by ill-motivated overtures.
Marvel as you wade through the same old tripe. Stuff a hanky in your mouth to stem the yawns.
Be over-joyed that the writers think so much of you that they ignore what you actually went through at the hands of nincompoop elders and trivialize the pain and loss you endured from brothers and sisters.
Respond now - don't delay. Read its loving contents and swamp your poor addled brain with a renewed round of infantile befuddlement.