by still thinking 84 Replies latest jw friends
good grief Morbidz!
I wonder if its the same switch off thinking as cult mind control? Obviously this is connected to how I got involved with JW's in the first place.....Maybe we are prone to being blind to things. My partner also points things out that I don't even realise...
Sometimes I feel like I'm waking up from a deep sleep.
I agree....I'ts me that has let this happen...and it's me that needs to change it.
I have a theory for how to test how good a friendship REALLY is...sit down...your going to need to get your head around it...It may be a bit different to how we traditionally assess how our friendships are going.
The yawn test....
The relationship between yawn contagion and empathy is strongly supported by a 2011 behavioral study, conducted by Ivan Norscia and Elisabetta Palagi (University of Pisa, Italy). The study revealed that - among other variables such as nationality, gender, and sensory modality - only social bonding predicted the occurrence, frequency, and latency of yawn contagion. [29] As with other measures of empathy, the rate of contagion was found to be greatest in response to kin, then friends, then acquaintances, and lastly strangers. [29] Related individuals (r≥0.25) showed the greatest contagion, in terms of both occurrence of yawning and frequency of yawns. [29] Strangers and acquaintances showed a longer delay in the yawn response (latency) compared to friends and kin. [29] Hence, yawn contagion appears to be primarily driven by the emotional closeness between individuals. [29]t
So, if we time how long it takes our partners/husbands/wives and children to yawn, then a stranger, we can gauge how good our friendships are by testing all our friends. If they take a long time to yawn....you may not be as close as you think you are....
OK...you know I'm joking...but......hmmmmmmmmmm
Hey! you could even use it to test your spouse....but I take no responsibilty for any divorces.
still thinking: I wasn't implying your stingy BY ANY MEANS. I apologize if that's how it came across.
I was just saying hearing her side may make a difference because she may view it all differently. She must be appreciative for all you have done, just knowing your side of the story, emotions and all, you are indeed generous!
Still thinking - the situation with your friend is so typical of the way I would struggle to assert myself....whereas I can hold my own in real big confrontations I struggle big time with small ones or ones with people I care about.
Ive read the whole thread and something is ringing bells, are you by any chance the child of an alcoholic or from a dysfunctional family?
Loz x
Loz...yes...I recognised that with you too....lol
whereas I can hold my own in real big confrontations I struggle big time with small ones or ones with people I care about.
precisely!
Give me a traumatic event....cool as a cucumber...in fact people comment on how calm and in control I am when others are loosing the plot...but the little things like this...I turn into a mess and it worries me 'unnessirarily' most of the time....I am ALWAYS concerned about how they feel above how I feel. I don't think this is always just empathy...it's how I have learned to be.
So I need to change what I do. And I am going to.
She could be wondering why dinner is always at your house or why you don't ask her to cook. In her eyes, she could be wishing you could take turns.
You could have a point Flying High...but if she is wondering that...wouldn't she invite me?...or do you think I should do what she does and invite myself? That just confuses me....and I would never invite myself.
I think that you should take the high road and handle this in such a way as to not make her feel badly about it all. "I'm always handling supper. I realize I never give you the chance to cook for us. When would you like to do that?" She's your friend. Be a friend. I've heard it said: it's not what you did for people, but how you made them feel that they will remember.
flyinghigh...as I posted earlier I was happy that she laid the table...and she seemed happy to do that. I didn't have a problem about cooking after that. In fact I felt really positive about the meal and their visit.
Now this has become more an issue of looking at myself and how I deal with these types of things in general. I agree, I wouldn't want to treat her badly...that was the problem in the first place...I don't like to offend...and didn't know how to deal with something I knew I needed to do for ME.
Lozhasleft seems to get where I am coming from on this...being an adult child of an alcohoic instills in you that you put everyone elses feelings above and before your own. In fact, as a child growing up in that environment your feelings are NEVER taken into consideration....well now, I am trying to take my feelings into consideration...hopefully without hurting or offending anyone else.
silent-scream...
thank you...I know you weren't.......I just couldn't for the life of me see this particular situation from her point of view without going........what????? why would you think that?
