Why the hell do I feel like this suddenly?!?!

by freshstart 28 Replies latest jw friends

  • AGuest
    AGuest

    While I agree that there are some good, loving people (at least, on the outside and so long as you don't disagree/aren't considered an "apostate") in the WTBTS, dear Fresh (peace to you!), I have to agree somewhat with dear LWT and MS (peace to you, both!) in that you were programmed to react that way and just haven't had the switch completely turned off, yet. When we repeatedly do certain things, they become habit and our minds/bodies become used to them and so sometimes it's hard to "quit"/change. Sometimes, certain things (words, sights, sounds, etc.) "trigger" them in us. Like recovering drug addicts, we can go for ages without a "craving"... until something happens that sets off a craving "trigger."

    Here, the words, "district convention," "convention," "circuit assembly," "assembly," can be signals that "trigger" former feelings. For me (and my kids!), it's "Cow Palace" or "Yuba City" (where we attended the district and circuit assemblies, respectively). Every time I hear either of those... or pass by a sign with those on it... I think of the assemblies (and sometimes the thoughts are good, as we often included some vacation and, other than the talks, etc., generally had a good time).

    Think of it like smoking cessation: on occasion things are going to happen/come up that make you think you want a cigarette. You don't - it's just your body responding to previous programming is all. It will pass.

    I hope this helps and, again, peace to you!

    A slave of Christ,

    SA

  • freshstart
    freshstart

    AGuest, you're right about those feelings. I've had to remind myself all afternoon of the shit that happened to drive us out in the first place.

  • freshstart
    freshstart

    Cofty, that's beautiful. I guess I do in some ways desire the familiarity of people that I grew up with. There were a few that I was really close with and I want to see them, but at the same time I know it won't be exactly the same because they know we're inactive and they look at us with a degree of pity that really annoys my husband and I. It's a tough situation really, this emotional tug-of-war. As for doctrine, yeah I know it's a load of crap, but my weakness is my sentimentality.

  • trueblue
  • GLTirebiter
    GLTirebiter

    When you are reminded of it, it's natural to want to return to a lost emotional attachment. It's like being divorced, dreaming of what once was, and waking to thoughts of the one who no longer sleeps beside you.

    As Shelby noted, the words can be a trigger that selectively recall the good memories while temporarily masking the pain that convinced you to leave. Stit back, relax, and think about it clearly. When hindsight seems to be 20/20, it may be because of the rose-colored glasses we are looking through.

  • i_drank_the_wine
    i_drank_the_wine

    Sounds like you still haven't de-programmed and that you have fallen for the "love bomb". If you want to go be a JW, go be a JW. Have fun knocking on doors and attending brainwashing sessions!

  • RagingBull
    RagingBull

    soon as they start bashing your current viewpoints, you'll probably be reminded of why you left. Once I'm out, I'm neeeeeever going back. If I were to go to a meeting I'd raise my hand repeatedly just to see if they'd call on me. (fantasized about it) It would be kinda funny

  • nugget
    nugget

    You were in a comfortable place when you heard the news. Your friend although hardcore was accepting of your fade so the idea of being with other jws seemed less threatening. Imagine the scenario differently if your friend had shunned you or had seemed hostile then the mention of the assembly would have been less appealing.it would not have brought back feelings of nostalgia. It is funny how our conditioning comes back to bite us how we bury negative memories after all there were good bits in amongst the dross.

    Your friend was untypical as was her response. Remember if you were to act on this impulse you would be entering an environment where you would be judged and treated with suspision.

  • freshstart
    freshstart

    I_drank_the_wine: Kinda harsh man. I was having a moment of emotional weakness and you're coming down on me like I'm running right back to the cult. All I said was that I was battling with some nostalgia, but if read my subsequent post, you will clearly see that I've reminded myself of the reasons we left. Check out some of my first threads as well to familiarize yourself with my situation. You might want to consider easing up on the pedal.

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