I am so determined to not have my sons raised as witnesses that it's crossed my mind to have something in writing incase something happened to me and my husband at the same time about them not being raised as witnesses, because I'm sure my parents would get them and sure enough they would start dragging them to meetings and not have holidays and stuff. So that's what I'm thinking about doing, actually having it put in writing, whether or not it would hold up I don't know. I love my parents and they treated me and my brother very well, but I have chosen differently for my sons.
How did our parents do it?
by pbrow 19 Replies latest jw experiences
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Mickey mouse
I am so determined to not have my sons raised as witnesses that it's crossed my mind to have something in writing incase something happened to me and my husband at the same time about them not being raised as witnesses, because I'm sure my parents would get them and sure enough they would start dragging them to meetings and not have holidays and stuff. So that's what I'm thinking about doing, actually having it put in writing, whether or not it would hold up I don't know. I love my parents and they treated me and my brother very well, but I have chosen differently for my sons.
This is what we've done. I have a letter lodged with my will which states that whilst my chldren could be taken to the kingdom hall, if they ever decide they no longer want to attend, this should be respected. I hve also requested that they not be baptised before the age of 18 and if they do get baptised at all, they must read Crisis of Conscience and Combatting Cult Mind Control first.
Maybe it wouldn't be respected but I have no non-JW family so it's the best I can do.
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Ding
In some jurisdictions, you can provide in your will for who will have charge of your children if you both die while they are still minors. They don't necessarily have to be relatives. You could explain your reasons for not nominating family. Courts aren't required to follow these directives, but they give them great weight. Obviously, you would need to select those people carefully and get their consent.
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take me higher
Mickey mouse, I guess I'm not the only one who has thought of this. I like the terms you laid out in your letter, where they can go to the KH but not be forced if they don't want to later. And I agree about the baptism thing, too many minors get baptised too young I think because of pressure. That's a great idea though about adding a letter to the will, might have to do that.
Ding, yes it weighs heavily on my mind on who would get my 2 young sons in the event of them losing both of us, and a lot of thought should go into like you said. So even though it's on paper the courts or whatever wouldn't legally have to uphold it? My parents are closest to my boys but they are getting up in age, so we don't really think they would be able to handle it full on like that. My husband wants his best friend and wife to get them but they live out of the states (where my husband is from). So I wonder what would happen legally in a situation like that.
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pbrow
morbin and ann, not sure how its misleading, I was a born in of a single mother. I have asked the same questions of my mother and she doesnt have a real good answer although she is waking up as well.
I am definately in the "just get out" program. It is what I have done and its working fairly well... ask me again in 10 to 15 years. I think it works the best. I understand some of the reasons fof people who stay in, my mother is one of them. To me having kids means having to teach them, and having to teach them means I cant just skate by anymore and I had better learn why I believe what I believe. That is my point. There is some confusion when you just quit cold turkey. If you teach any of this stuff to your kids you are making it normal to them. I am probably just going through the progression of completely ridding myself of being raised a dub. I am not trying to be judgemental. Please know that being raised as a JW has an enormous effect on kids. Every meeting, every assembly are all geared towards shaping and molding these kids minds. I dont want anyone, the least of all my children, to have to wait until their mid 30's to realize its all a scam.
Hey, blues, I think having children actually saved me! I think its so true that religion is something that when your surrounded by it you have no other perspective and at least for me when I had children it forced me to really have to answer the difficult questions that are usually just answered "wait on Jehovah" by the dubs.
pbrow
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nugget
It was seeing the impact of the religion on our children that made me more open to question the belief system. The way it isolates them and restricts them it had to be worth it and it had to deserve that level of sacrifice. I am sorry my mother couldn't see it herself but then she had her road to Damascus moment and as a convert was convinced this was God's will.
This is bad religion but as with so many things when you are in the middle of things you just see the tasks ahead and not the flaws. You need to be able to look at things from a distance to be able to see the bigger picture.
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Aussie Oz
Because my Mother believed it was right, because my ex's born in parents thought it was right.
Because we believed it was right. because for me it was all i knew from 10, and for my ex wife, born in.
Because some of us never had doubts, just struggles with personal issues.
Because some of us never even thought it could be harmful.
Give us a break! lol... we feel bad enough as it is!
oz
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3rdgen
Blues bro. makes a good point. I am a born in and was a true believer when my children were born and raised. I truely believed that this religion was like the ark was to Noah. That it would be murder on my part not to lead my children to salvation. However, I also vividly remembered the difficultys of being a JW kid so I never took anything away(holidays birthdays etc.) without replacing it with something acceptable. We constantly had outings, camp trips, Disneyland, dance lessons, season ski passes, just to name a few. Our wedding anniversary was complete with decorated cake and TONS of wrapped presents for the kids. I threw back-to-school parties, dress up parties and I could go on and on. Our cong even had a prom for the kids. I vowed that I would NEVER FORCE but explain. If they were tired or sick we stayed home from the meetings etc. This is not to say I don't regret being in the cult and trying to pass it on to the kids. I just wanted you to know some of us did our best to make it as pleasant as possible for them.
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3rdgen
Ossie Oz, RIGHT ON!
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pbrow
touche Aussie! things are really never as black and white as they seem!
3rd gen, now that you bring up those things up I guess I could remember certain families that made it a point to fill in some of the voids for us kids as well as the adults. My aunt was awesome at that kind of stuff and then it just died out in the late 80's.
Ok, Im done being pissed at all you evil parents!
pbrow