Golf, sex, whisky, Judas Priest, cigars.
How did you fill the void after leaving?
by gutted 33 Replies latest jw friends
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Velour
What a great thing you've done in assessing your situation and deciding to make it better for yourself! That's a positive step (even if you don't like the situation, assessing it and admitting it as something you need to address is great)
It sounds like joining a volunteer organization would give you an activity and opportunity to socialize while being a part of something greater than yourself. Also, try meetup.com. Go to a few different meetup groups as they all have different types of people, activities, and vibes. It's an easy way to meet people who have similar interests. Lucky you, once being a JW, we have experience in starting up conversations with strangers ;)
Don't be afraid to also try dating sites if you're looking for a love connection. I went on a few casual dates with people from match.com and ended up gaining 2 great friends through it. I would recommend waiting until you feel better about the situation you're in so you can exude happiness and confidence on your dates. For me, I've been seeing a therapist once a week for a few months now. It's really helped me deal with reality and keep a positive spirit and a level head. After getting to a comfortable spot with myself and my situation I started dating. I pimp this site a lot on this forum: http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/ but it's a great way to find a therapist in your area. Most of the therapists there offer a free initial consultation so you can chat with a few to find one you're comfortable with and most work on a sliding scale for those of us low on cash. After briefly explaining my background, every therapist I chatted with were more than excited to work with me. Who wouldn't want to work with an ex-cult member?!
Read some books. The organization has skewed everything in their literature and most of the ''knowledge'' we've gained through them is slanted, opinions, and unsupported creating weird biases and prejudieces in our minds. Read.
And if it interests you, I'd look into going to school. It will keep you busy and give you a sense of empowerment over your new life. It takes you from victim of a brainwashing cult to proactive member of the real world.
Whatever you do, I hope you'll find ways to feel comfortable and happy with the new life you're living outside of the organization. You took the step to leave, to no longer let life just happen to you, so I hope you keep that up ^-^
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clarity
There is a void for sure.
I'm wondering if, (for me anyway) there was a void before I signed up,..and now it's ....... baaaaack! Perhaps that's why I joined in the first place. Just thinking and musing.
Meeting potential friends is the easy part ... the hard part is making friends. Reaching out for the next step. Saying yes to an invitation. Trusting that this is safe. Going beyond our comfort zone.
When I am invited out for coffee or dinner - yes by an actual man omg - what still runs through my mind is "I shouldn't be doing this, he's ..you know..worldly!"
That is still stuck in my head.
So anyway, there are lots of things you can do & clubs to join, but try to be conscious of what is going on in your head at the same time.
good luck
clarity
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mummatron
WHAT void??? Seriously, I couldn't WAIT to get out - not after being bullied/slapped/kicked/battered into the religion
Yep, I'm with Zid on this one.
University, pub, Playstation, work, friends, Gameboy, lie-ins, music, cinema... LIFE!
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cult classic
Hey Gutted - I had that feeling off and on for a while (out 5 years). It was a very strange feeling (born-in) and it scared me sometimes. My immediate family and a couple of close friends don't seem to care that we've left so having those relationships remain intact was huge for me.
I think being a part of this forum is extremely helpful (although I didn't stumble across it until about a year ago) Now that I've been through that whole mish mash of emotions my conclusion is that the problems we experience when leaving are due largely to our perspective.
As a JW we were indoctrinated with a crap view of time and how it is supposed to be spent. Spending social time with non JWs helps you recalibrate your thinking. People mostly work or go to school and spend time with their family/friends doing things they like.
As witnesses we were filled with this whole notion that everything we do has to fit into some grand purpose. It's just not true.
I have lots of fun time with the family. I get together with my friends when I can. Learn about things that are interesting. Travel a lot (did that even as a JW), and, of course, work.
The suggestions by everyone are great.
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EntirelyPossible
Sure, golf, whisky, sex, cigars and metal get ignored. Fine. What. Ever.
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cult classic
There really was NO "void" when I left - I jumped ship and took off LIVING!!!
Ziddina - Great escape plan and outlook
Awesome
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designs
Education first off, University, then started 3 new businesses, became politically active and work with several non-profit environmental groups.
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sooner7nc
How did I fill the void after leaving? That's an easy answer: I filled the void "by" leaving. The WT is like a black hole that nothing can escape from, not even light. When you toss away that black hole, then the "void" is no more.
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sizemik
gutted . . . it depends on the nature of the void. For me it seperated into two distinct parts.
The first . . . finding friends, social activities, a meaningful career, education etc. The majority of posts here have offered good advice on how to deal with this.
The second . . . is the spiritual void as regards belief etc. This is far more difficult to come to grips with (well it was for me). It depends a lot on your nature as a person, and also on the depth of your belief when you were a JW. Some never believed, or stopped believing a long time before exiting, and so dealt with the two one at a time.
It's when you have to deal with both at the same time that things get a little tougher.
The answer? . . . simply deal with one at a time. Leave the spiritual void to sit for a while and deal with the first considerations. The first, you can deal with immediately. The second may, by necessity, require the passage of time. But you will find your path.