by herlovelyworld 62 Replies latest social relationships
Have you exhausted the local dating pool already?
Is their some reason you would rather find someone online than locally? A 21 year old girl should have no trouble meeting guys and getting dates, unless she is wearing a dress that will fit over a 55 gallon oil drum.
I feel sorry for your boyfriend being caught in this situation, but please realize that if you stick with him he is going to have to choose between his birth family and you. If he tries to have both, he's constantly going to be pulled both ways and having to choose between you.
Think about your future chidlren. You definitely don't want to have children raised as JWs.
Your in-laws won't rest until your kids are dressed in business suits going door to door every week placing copies of Watchtower literature instead of doing "evil" things like having birthday parties, dressing up at Halloween, exchanging Christmas presents, and the like.
Think about whether you want to have to watch your in-laws every time they're around your kids in order to prevent them telling the kids that you will be wiped out at Armageddon because you oppose Jehovah and trying to suck the kids into "the truth" in order to save them from annihilation by God. That's really the way they will see things. They'll pull out all the stops to save their grandchildren from this fate.
It's hard enough to deal with this with your husband 100% on your side, but if he's wavering, you'll be your kids' only protection.
Your boyfriend's parents really believe the scene portrayed in Black Sheep's post is just around the corner (any day now)! Given that, they'll do everything they can to make sure their son and his wife and children are gung ho Jehovah's Witnesses because they fervently believe that's your only hope of escaping this awful destruction.
There is a good chance he is just using you for sex until he can meet the right jws girl. You are a worldy girl and he can dump you easliy if he find a nice jws girl. If his family knew he was dating you they would most likely be livid. As several have said, oral sex is a huge NO among jws, and he should not be doing this married or single. He can't get a jws girl to do this for him so he's getting it from you.
Also, are you aware that jws do not allow blood transfusions , and if you have children he would allow your children to die before giving them a blood transfusion?
Get the hell away. Tell him that he belongs to a dangerous cult and that until he mails you a copy of his disassociation letter that it's best for the two of you not to be together. Sounds like in his mind he has justified his problems and believes he's still in good standing in the congregation. If anything, he is trying to get you to buy into the polar opposite of what you are trying to get him out of. Its really not worth it at all to keep trying. As you can already see, logic doesn't rule his mind. Get away before you find yourself getting dunked in a pool at a district convention.
He'll sneak around with you until a good little Jehovah's Witness girl comes along and then he'll dump you so fast.
I want to try to answer this from your "love" point-of-view. He didn't tell you he was a JW at first. Okay, that's typical. Who wants to attract a lady with that stuff? I mean, janitors don't usually start with "I clean toilets for a living." I mean, did you tell him you had "numerous relationships" when you first met him or did that come out later? So fair enough, we won't hold that for or against him.
But now, living at home and going to the meetings and talking about pressure to become a JW ministerial servant. Those are buzzwords for "going back in." What he is doing is searching for a non-JW fling before he takes the religion seriously. Think of the Amish who are actually allowed to go experience normal people before settling back on the farm. Only, this one is worse because he has to keep it pretty much secret from the elders in the congregation. The Amish going out is not as common as some movies or books have portrayed it. They are not "encouraged" to enjoy life outside of their cult and then decide if they want to come back. It's just that some do "go out" before they are baptized into it. They only leave and comeback if they are unbaptized. A JW that leaves and comes back is typically disfellowshipped and shunned. To avoid that, they might experience the world secretly, have some fun and then go back without telling the elders.
You might (just might) be able to keep him from going back, but the idea of losing his entire family's communication is hanging over him. He is clearly already a baptized JW. To get him to that point of not going back, he will be all over the scale on his emotions. The only hope is to educate him that Watchtower is a dangerous mind control cult and let him decide on his own what to do about it.
If he won't learn about them, then I would have to say to cut your losses now and save yourself from his yoyo life. I know that you might think he's a virgin and you can simply win him over with the enjoyment of sex, but even that will just show him that the JW's are right about outsiders- they are just pleasure seekers. He would probably just admit his affair if he cannot hide it and take the punishment from the congregation to get back into their graces.
Your situation is not uncommon on this site.
A few weeks ago, and again yesterday, I posted a bit of advice to a young lady in your position and it raised a few hackles from some members but that was not my intention. Anyway I still going to repeat it for your benefit:
I was raised as a JW and I have been 'in' all my life; I am now mid 60's. Based on all this knowledge and experience I will distill it down to two pieces of advice:
1. Have absolutely NOTHING to do with the religion of JW's.
2. Have absolutely NOTHING to do with anyone who is, or has been, a JW.
Yours sincerely
George
See this several times. The JW 'revolving door' syndrome sets in for some. JW boy, doing 'double-life,' gets 'worldly' girlfriend to fall in love with him. Then, because of family 'pressure,' he gets girl to study with JWs, then, because of JW sex issues/regulations, they get married. She gets baptized, his mother & family are happy. Wife learns to be JW submissive. Then, child or two come along.
JW boy/husband/father now, starts getting inactive again, etc. Then, gets back to a 'double-life' or even 'triple-life.' He leaves JW life, wife and kids. Each congregation has a few of these cases.
i had a relationship with a non jw when i wasstill a jw, i didnt have the strenghth to leave it then, the fear won out and they kept control of me for a few years longer,
but i left eventually,
not every ones story is the same,
i would say its important WHY people leave, ie if they leave cos they cant live up to it but still believe it, then i think they are still basically under the thumb of it,
i left cos i lost my faith in it, and so will just never go back, the myth has been exposed, and however much i miss the security of it and the "community" i have seen through the myth of it all, and cant recreate it again or pretend its real,
does your boyfirend still believe it ? if so then run, cos it will have control over his darkest fears much more than you will.
if he no longer believes it as a truth then there may be some hope he will free himself,
OK, to move on without any regrets , find the Kingdoooom hall he attends and the time for the
Sunday meeting. Show up without his knowledge, walk in and sit next to him, hold his hand
and see what take place. Young lady you will have no regrets. So far you have been reading about
this cult, you haven,t seen them in action. Yes you will see first hand the insane underworld
of the JW,s..Young lady what you have learn about the cult and what you will see and hear at
the meeting will blow your mind. Yes I am trying to scare the living hell out of you, run run run.
JW are good at deceiving people.
