Hi guys! I’m very new here and I need a little help.
I’m not a witness, but I know all of the quirks and rules and whatnot because my long-distance boyfriend is a witness. The issue, other than the obvious, is that I fell in love with him BEFORE he told me he was one of Jehovah’s witnesses. The obvious solution would be to leave him, move on, try and find someone else etc. My issue with THAT is… I don’t believe he’s 100% about this religion/cult/ridiculous group. So I’d like to list a few things that he’s done (with me and without) that’s been hinting at why I feel this way, and get feedback as to whether or whether not I’m grasping at straws and holding out hope.
Firstly, I wholeheartedly believe he’s only in this religion because of his parents. He’s a skinny, socially challenged, red-headed boy of 23 who was raised IN the religious beliefs. He’s never been able to think for himself. So when I asked him “are you in this cult because you WANT to be, because you honestly believe it’s the truth?” I got hesitation and a subject change. His mom, dad, and older brother is literally all he has family wise. They are all witnesses. I believe he’s holding on to it so much because he would lose basically everything without them. Especially since he lives with them… and his dad’s an elder. The other day when talking to him, he mentioned that he was thinking about working towards being a MS. The way he worded it though? “My dad and CO were talking and putting some pressure on me at the convention.” Pressure. Another red flag that he’s not exactly truly in it. He has non-witness friends that he hangs out with everyday pretty much. He’s not cold when it comes to masturbation, porn, etc. When we met in August, we even got seriously intimate, we’re talking oral sex here… He listens to hardcore music, watches gore movies, occasionally misses a service meeting. Not to mention the fact that he’s dating me, and has openly discussed marriage with me. We discussed holidays and he’s said to me that a small part of him believes he would be okay giving me flowers on V-day, and letting me have a tree in the home come Christmas time. He doesn’t treat me less than an equal. He’s started treating me more like a partnership. He’s quoted a few scriptures and the watchtower a few times, but it constantly sounds like he’s reading from a script with no emotion and no love. His family has done a lot for him, and people from his Kingdom Hall helped out enormously when his eldest brother passed away in 06. He’s mentioned to me in passing that he has an obligation to those people. Does any or all of this sound like someone that’s 100% committed? I completely understand that by leaving the cult, he would have no family.
I don’t want to ASK him to leave, as I don’t want him to do it for me. I want him to realize how ridiculous it is. I thought about bringing all of this up with him, showing him this site and a few select articles (any particular article that would be good? He’s not exactly a reader, lol. I might have to read it TO him to get him to actually pay attention.) I want him to realize what he’s into by pointing out what I’ve noticed and the behavior he’s shown. Maybe even ask questions as to what a “partnership” means. I’m not sure and I’m very confused on the best way to go about this.
Does anyone have any experiences to a matter such as this? Wanting to discuss it with someone that’s possibly not completely committed? Any advice? It would be so much appreciated!