Old-ish one, but still VERY amusing!!!
Background:
Laura Schlesinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice
to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that as an
observant Orthodox Jew homosexuality is an abomination according to
Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned in any circumstance. The following
is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a listener.
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Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge
with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly
states it
to be an abomination. End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws
and how to follow them.
a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how
do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female,
provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
Why can't I own Canadians?
e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill
him
myself?
f)A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination (Lev.11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I
don't
agree. Can you settle this?
g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around
their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27.
How should they die?
i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
and blaspheme a lot.
Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole
town
together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death
at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their
in-laws?(Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can
help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.
Your devoted disciple and adoring fan,