by dgp 33 Replies latest watchtower bible
A question for all those who managed to do it. When you realize that it's unrealistic to expect someone in the WT to ever leave, and when you see the damage it does you to keep hoping, and to keep trying to get them out, how do you manage the pain?
What do you do when you know that someone has spoiled the only life that person will ever have, yet you can't reach to them?
Thanks.
I don't have anyone in the WT, so I can only answer from other experiences. When you've done everything you can to reach someone, and they don't want to listen (or can't) then you can only accept. They are choosing their own path and life. You can be there for them, and you can try to lead by example, but ultimately, everyone chooses their own path.
It is their life to spoil or value. Just be there to catch them if they need you.
Tammy
Reconnoiter.
That IS a hard question. I don't know. You don't want to concede victory to a cult, and yet...you can't beat them. Fair enough. Then you can either set as many fires as possible along the way to promote the real truth about them, or you can walk away. The hurt doesn't go away, especially when you see the literature all the time, hear the meetings on speaker phone in your home, hear them talk about what Sister So-and-so said or did.
People waste their lives on foolish causes every second of the day. It hurts more knowing it's someone you hold dear. But you can't interfere. They have to follow their own path; they have a right to that, even if that path is a fool's errand. If this is the only life we have, being born itself is a fool's errand, too, one we've no control over.
It's reality. You can't change people. Just be good to 'em and watch over them. You can't go wrong that way. The pain is a part of this--knowing it's a cult, that scar never heals, that pain never goes away.
DGP, funny you should post this today. My husband and I were discussing today where we would be buried. My uncle was buried in December in an inexpensive cemetery here in town and my husband thought, for the money, we might want to buy plots next to him. I want to buy plots in our Catholic church graveyard. My husband was surprised because, before, I wanted to leave things in a state so that my JW relatives would feel comfortable. In the past year, I've come to accept that they're never getting out of the WTS and that I can't keep worrying about it. They've made their choice, just as I've made mine. I find that I'm more and more distant from them and I worry less and less about them because I've FINALLY accepted that they like things the way they are. It's kind of like finally, completely, totally cutting the umbilical cord. It has freed me up mentally and emotionally to focus more on my own life, my own husband, my own children, because I'm not wasting emotional energy on the JWs.
My uncle who died was my last non-JW relative. All the other aunts and the one remaining uncle are Dubs. Seems like, since losing my uncle in December, it has been easier to accept that I don't really have any extended family left because they're all Dubs. It's taken the pressure off.
StAnn
Aw, pleeeeeeeeeease, get off the soap box!
Being a true JW is a very wholesome and healthy way of life, and plenty of people have found true happiness within it! I've been quite a happy JW myself in the last 3 to 4 years or so. It was just a matter of getting off the soap box I was on and getting with the program.
If it's not for you, fine, just move on and live, but also let live!
DY
I have found it best in my situation with my husband to just accept it. He has had to do the same with me. I try to show him respect, and he is learning to show me some. A year ago, we were on the verge of divorce. If he asks me how I feel about something, I answer him and share what I believe. I don't initiate it because it immediately causes him to get defensive.
This approach seems to help keep the peace. As far as his future goes, he's a big boy and can make his own decisions.
"Being a true JW"
Can you please define this?
And these people who you say are happy, what makes you think so? I'm not trying to be funny I really do want to know. Alot of JWs I see seem to be tired out, just barely making it.
"I've been quite a happy JW myself in the last 3 to 4 years or so."
What changed that made you happy lately?
I dont know the answer dgp and I've learned that you just have to live with the pain...
Loz x
The "pain" is balanced by the respect for their choice, and being ever ready to offer something else when the opportunity arises.
Otherwise, you're just torturing yourself and them.
Just keep loving them - they get little unconditional love from the krazy kult.
