This week's Bible Highlights, verbatim quote: "Jehovah is a Killer..." (page 5)

JWoods

Pretty slow day today, isn't it?

undercover

Pretty slow day today, isn't it?

I'm just taking it easy, man

JWoods

Yup - it pretty much went into slide mode for me when Scully locked that "I'm mad at the board and want to quit" thread.

MadGiant

Apparently people have no idea of the things our "good" and "loving" dog can do if someone piss him/her/it off.

http://dwindlinginunbelief.blogspot.com/

How many people did God kill in the Bible?

		Verse	Number killed	Cumulative total
1	God drowns everyone of earth (except Noah and his family)	Genesis 7:23	?	?
2	God rains fire and brimstone on Sodom and Gomorrah, killing everyone.	Genesis 19:24	?	?
3	Lot's wife for looking back	Genesis 19:26	1	1
4	Er who was "wicked in the sight of the Lord"	Genesis 38:7 , 1 Chronicles 2:3	1	2
5	Onan for spilling his seed	Genesis 38:10	1	3
6	A 7 year, world-wide famine	Genesis 41:25-54	?	3
7	7th Egyptian Plague: Hail	Exodus 9:25	?	3
8	God kills every Egyptian firstborn child.	Exodus 12:29-30	?	3
9	God drowns Egyptian army	Exodus 14:8-26	600	603
10	God and Moses help Joshua kill the Amalekites	Exodus 17:13	?	603
11	Israelites for dancing naked around Aaron's golden calf	Exodus 32:27-28 , 35	3000	3,603
12	God plagued the people because of the calf that Aaron made	Exodus 32:35	?	3,603
13	Aaron's sons for offering strange fire before the Lord	Leviticus 10:1-3 ; Numbers 3:4 , 26:61	2	3,605
14	A blasphemer	Leviticus 24:10-23	1	3,606
15	God burned people to death for complaining	Numbers 11:1	?	3,606
16	God sent "a very great plague" for complaining about the food.	Numbers 11:33	?	3,606
17	God killed ten scouts with a plague.	Numbers 14:35-36	10	3,616
18	A man who gathered firewood on the sabbath	Numbers 15:32-36	1	3,617
19	Korah, Dathan, and Abiram (and their families)	Numbers 16:27	3	3,620
20	Burned to death for offering incense	Numbers 16:35	250	3,870
21	For complaining	Numbers 16:49	14,700	18,570
22	Massacre of the Aradites	Numbers 21:1-3	?	18,570
23	For complaining about the lack of food and water, God sent fiery serpents to bite the people.	Numbers 21:6	?	18,570
24	God delivers the Bashanites into Moses' hands and Moses kills everyone "until there was none left alive."	Numbers 21:34-35	?	18,570
25	Phinehas impales a mixed-race couple having sex	Numbers 25:6-8	2	18,572
26	Israelites for "committing whoredom with the daughters of Moab"	Numbers 25:9	24,000	42,572
27	Midianite massacre (32,000 virgins were kept alive)	Numbers 31:1-35	?	42,572
28	God kills the entire Israelite army	Deuteronomy 2:14-16	?	42,572
29	The slaughter of the Zamzummim, Horim, Avim, and the Caphtorim	Deuteronomy 2:21-22	?	42,572
30	God hardened the king of Heshbon's heart so that the Israelites could massacre his people. (included several cities)	Deuteronomy 2:33-34	?	42,572
31	All the men, women, and children in 60 cities	Deuteronomy 3:3-6	?	42,572
32	Massacre of Jericho	Joshua 6:21	?	42,572
33	Achan (and his his sons and daughters) for taking the accursed thing	Joshua 7:10-12 , 24-26	1	42,573
34	The Ai Massacre	Joshua 8:1-25	12,000	54,573
35	God slaughters the Amorites and even chases them "along the way" as they try to escape.	Joshua 10:10-11	?	54,573
36	Joshua kills 5 kings and hangs their dead bodies on trees	Joshua 10:24-26	5	54,578
37	Massacre of 7 kingdoms	Joshua 10:28-42	?	54,578
38	The remaining kingdoms	Joshua 11:8-12	10,000	64,578
39	Massacre of the Anakim	Joshua 11:20-21	?	64,578
40	God delivers the Canaanites and Perizzites	Judges 1:4	?	64,578
41	The Jerusalem Massacre	Judges 1:8	?	64,578
42	Ten Massacres, a wedding, and some God-proof iron chariots	Judges 1:9-25	?	64,578
43	The LORD delivered Chushanrishathaim	Judges 3:7-10	?	64,578
44	Ehud delivers a message from God: a knife in the belly	Judges 3:15-22	1	64,579
45	God delivers 10,000 Moabites	Judges 3:28-29	10,000	74,579
46	Barak and God Massacre the Canaanites	Judges 4:14	?	74,579
47	Jael pounds a tent stake through a sleeping man's head	Judges 4:18-25	1	74,580
48	God forces Midianite soldiers to kill each other	Judges 7:22 , 8:10	120,000	194,580
49	A city is massacred and 1000 burn to death because of God's evil spirit	Judges 9:23-57	?	194,580
50	The Ammonite massacre	Judges 11:29-33	?	194,580
51	Jephthah's daughter	Judges 11:34-39	1	194,581
52	The spirit of the Lord comes on Samson and he murders 30 men for their clothes	Judges 14:19	30	194,611
53	The Spirit of the Lord comes upon Samson and he kills 1000 men with the jawbone of an ass	Judges 15:14-15	1,000	195,611
54	Samson's God-assisted act of terrorism	Judges 16:27-30	3,000	198,611
55	"The Lord smote Benjamin"	Judges 20:35-37	65,100	263,711
56	God kills Eli's sons	1 Samuel 2:25 , 34 ; 4:11	2	263,713
57	God smote three cities with hemorrhoids in their secret parts	1 Samuel 5:1-12	?	263,713
58	For looking into the ark of the Lord	1 Samuel 6:19	50,070	313,783
59	The LORD thundered with a great thunder upon the Philistines	1 Samuel 7:	?	313,783
60	The Ammonite Massacre (and another God-inspired body part message)	1 Samuel 7:11-13	?	313,783
61	Jonathan's very first slaughter (not counting the one before)	1 Samuel 14:12	20	313,803
62	God forces the Philistine soldiers to kill each other.	1 Samuel 14:20	?	313,803
63	The Amalekite Genocide	1 Samuel 15:2-3	?	313,803
64	Samuel hacks Agag to pieces before the Lord	1 Samuel 15:32-33	1	313,804
65	God delivers the Philistines.	1 Samuel 23:2-5	?	313,804
66	"The Lord smote Nabal."	1 Samuel 25:38	1	313,805
67	David spends the day killing Amalekites	1 Samuel 30:17	?	313,805
68	God has the Philistines kill Israelite soldiers	1 Samuel 31:6 , 1 Chronicles 10:6	?	313,805
69	Saul and his three sons	1 Samuel 31:6 , 1 Chronicles 10:6	4	313,809
70	God delivers the Philistines to David (from the front)	2 Samuel 5:19, 25	?	313,809
71	God delivers the Philistines to David (from behind)	2 Samuel 5:19, 25	?	313,809
72	Uzzah for trying to keep the ark from falling	2 Samuel 6:6-7 , 1 Chronicles 13:9-10	1	313,810
73	David and Bathsheba's baby boy	2 Samuel 12:14-18	1	313,811
74	God sent a three-year famine because of something Saul did.	2 Samuel 21:1	?	313,811
75	The seven sons of Saul hung up before the Lord	2 Samuel 21:6-9	7	313,818
76	From plague as punishment for David's census (men only; probably 200,000 if including women and children)	2 Samuel 24:15 , 1 Chronicles 21:14	70,000	383,818
77	A lion is sent by God to kill a prophet for believing another prophet's lie	1 Kings 13:1-24	1	383,818
78	Jeroboam's son	1 Kings 14:17	1	383,820
79	Baasha killed everyone in the house of Jeroboam "according to the saying of the Lord."	1 Kings 15:29	?	383,820
80	Zimri killed everyone in the house of Baasha "according to the word of the Lord."	1 Kings 16:11-12	?	383,820
81	Religious leaders killed in a prayer contest	1 Kings 18:22-40	450	384,270
82	God delivers the Syrians into the Israelites' hands	1 Kings 20:28-29	100,000	484,270
83	God makes a wall fall on Syrian soldiers	1 Kings 20:30	27,000	511,270
84	God sent a lion to eat a man for not killing a prophet	1 Kings 20:35-36	1	511,271
85	Ahaziah is killed for talking to the wrong god	2 Kings 1:2-4 , 17; 2 Chronicles 22:7-9	1	511,272
86	Burned to death by God	2 Kings 1:9-12	102	511,374
87	God sends two bears to kill 42 children for making fun of Elisha's bald head	2 Kings 2:23-24	42	511,416
88	An unbeliever is trampled to death	2 Kings 7:17-20	1	511,417
89	God calls for a seven year famine.	2 Kings 8:1	?	511,417
90	Jezebel	2 Kings 9:33-37	1	511,418
91	Jehu killed "all that remained unto Ahab in Samaria ... according to the saying of the Lord"	2 Kings 10:16-17	?	511,418
92	God sent lions to kill "some" foreigners for not fearing him	2 Kings 17:25-26	?	511,418
93	Sleeping Assyrian soldiers	2 Kings 19:35 ; Isaiah 37:36	185,000	696,418
94	Saul	1 Chronicles 10:14	1	696,419
95	God delivers Israel into the hands of Judah	2 Chronicles 13:15-17	500,000	1,196,419
96	Jeroboam	2 Chronicles 13:20	1	1,196,420
97	"The Lord smote the Ethiopians."	2 Chronicles 14:9-14	1,000,000	2,196,420
98	God kills Jehoram by making his bowels fall out	2 Chronicles 21:14-19	1	2,196,421
99	Judean soldiers killed for forsaking God	2 Chronicles 28:6	120,000	2,316,421
100	God delivered the Israelites into the hand of the Chaldeans.	2 Chronicles 36:16-17	?	2,316,421
101	God and Satan kill Job's children and servants	Job 1:1-19	10	2,316,431
102	Ezekiel's wife	Ezekiel 24:15-18	1	2,316,432
103	Ananias and Sapphira	Acts 5:1-10	2	2,316,434
104	Herod	Acts 12:23	1	2,316,435
105	Jesus	Ephesian 5:2 , Hebrews 10:10 , 1 Peter 1:19-20 , Revelation 13:8	1	2,316,436

Take care,

IsmaelT

snowbird

I'm training someone at work, catch you guys tomorrow!

Sylvia

superpunk

I am assuming the picture is not of a woman holding the remote, demonstating that the man has given his manhood to the woman, but that the picture is of a woman holding a case in which his testicles are placed so she has control.
Either way, he has surrendered them.

It's an optical illusion.

Or he has three hands.

Open mind

At least my gender symbol doesn't look female to first-time posters.

(As the thread slips ever closer to Jerry Springerdom)

om

pirata

Remember that when Thomas said to Jesus "My God and My Lord" he was really saying "Oh my God!".

Thus when Eli said that "Jehovah is a Killer" he was really saying "Jehovah is Killer" (ie. Wicked, awesome).

Open mind

Good one pirata.

Hold on a minute. That was actually back on topic.

What were you thinking?

om

Open mind

And thanks also to MadGiant.

I've seen something like that before but can't remember where.

Those numbers are very conservative too since big whoppers like the Flood count as zero.

om

This week's Bible Highlights, verbatim quote: "Jehovah is a Killer..."

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