I just want this to stop!

by mrsjones5 40 Replies latest social family

• 

  Barbie Doll

  Sorry to hear about this. Its sad they are trying to control you.

  You need to pay your Parents back, as soon as possible, so you can get out from under them.

  You need to stay far away from them.
• 

  mrsjones5

  I totally agree
• 

  Hope4Others

  I'm so sorry to hear of all the stress you are under going right now, I do hope things will turn around for your family.

  You are doing all that you can try not to let them get the best of you. I know that it is easier said then done but my

  thoughts are with you.

  hope4others
• 

  flipper

  Hello Josie- I'm so sorry to hear this is happening to you and your family. With all the challenges with health and job issues the last thing you need is intrusive relatives who won't recognize boundaries or respect yours . If there is anything Mrs. Flipper and I could do please feel free to call anytime friend. We will keep good thoughts for you. My wife and I would be happy to talk with you sometime as we live in Northern California north of Tahoe. I'll PM you our phone number in case you lost it in the move. Feel free to PM yours if you'd like. Take care sis, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
• 

  cameo-d

  Barbie Doll said: "You need to pay your Parents back, as soon as possible, so you can get out from under them."

  Mrs. Jones, I disagree with the first part of that statement. Why pay someone back when they are already taking it out of your hide?

  Any funds you can manage to stash you should put in your "get away fund".

  I hate that this is happening to you. If you get too stressed out it can put you on your butt and then, who will take care of your family? You can't let that happen! I am sure you would not want your children subjected to their control.

  If a frank talk with your parents does not resolve the situation, perhaps you need to think of other options.

  Keep us posted as to whether you think the situation has a chance to get better...or not.

  Cameo-d
• 

  Marjorie

  Oh Josie, I'm really sorry to hear about your family troubles. I know what you're going through; unfortunately, we went through similar nonsense when my own husband became disabled.

  Your landlord will not like it if there are continual altercations at your residence. Therefore, if your father doesn't curtail his actions, he may wind up being responsible for having your family thrown out of your present apartment. I bet your dad didn't think about that.

  If I were you, I'd still try for the Restraining Order. Parents or not, they're overstepping their bounds.
• 

  screwproof

  Have you tried talking to them very calmly and telling them what they are doing to you? Maybe speak to your mother and explain to her how they are hurting you. I guess I am just one who is very close to her parent and would hate to be in the situation.
• 

  WuzLovesDubs

  About 1995 or so, I was forced to have to ask my father for mortgage money because my husband had just lost his job. I never asked for my father for ANYTHING up to that point in my life and I was 41 years old. It was only $1500 or so...and I paid him back with interest. But because I asked him, his second wife, my pitbull step mother, has NEVER let me forget about "how they were allllllllways there for me when I needed them" which apparently put me into some servitude for the rest of my life that I didnt know about at the time. Still....15 years later she is telling people "the only time we hear from LD is when she WANTS something!" It has killed my relationship with my father. I will live on the STREET before I will ask them for anything ever again! I wrote a letter to a cousin that I hadnt seen in years, and when stepmother found out I wrote to her, she said "What does SHE want?"

  Ugh... even my son's counselor has said that she has had to separate herself from her father and has had to learn to stop him in his tracks when he starts getting abusive and controlling with her. When he starts, she tells him when he is ready to act and speak to her in a civilized manner and respect her as an adult, he can call her again. Then she hangs up.
• 

  snowbird

  Josie, I'm so sorry to hear about that.

  You have my sympathy; my mother and I bought a house together (big mistake) and she nearly drove me crazy in her waning years!

  As I told Maddie on Friday, please know that you are a loved and valued member of this board.

  We're here for you.

  Sylvia
• 

  mrsjones5

  Thanks everyone for your good advice and loving thoughts.

  I've tried to talk to my parents but it's no use.

  Let me back up and tell what set this hoopla off: three weeks ago I had no money and I wasn't about to ask my parents for any cash so hubby and I went to Human Services and were able to get cash assistance. It wasn't much but it was enough to put food on the table and carry us to the next month. Our full benefits started up in May but because my parents paid for April and May's rent as a gift we could be penalized the amount of the rent for June and July thereby leaving us in a pickle. Human services advised us to convert the gift into a loan and have my parents draw up a formal contract for us to pay the loan back.

  So I approached my parents with the idea of converting the gift into a loan and promptly met with resistance. My mother wanted to know what the full amount of the cash benefit was so she could help me budget it. When I refuse to tell her she got pissed. She then wanted someone from Human services to call her about my case, I told her that would not be possible because of privacy issues and she promptly said "I don't believe that. What do you have to be so private about?" My mother got so upset with me and started screaming so my father got on the phone. He told me that the only way they would agree to write up the contract would be if the terms were for us to pay a month's rent out of the cash benefit for June and July. He said that he should be paid first. I told him that would not be possible because it would leave me with no money to pay rent and the cash benefit was not to satisfy a debt to him but primarely to benefit the children by keeping a roof over their heads. Then he said well I need to talk to your case manager and again I said that that was not possible. So my father said if I can't talk to the case manager then I don't want to talk to you. End of conversation.

  Two days later I received a message from my father saying that I'm not communicating with him, he doesn't know what's going on over here, and he will be calling social services about the kids and bringing the health department over with him.

  He's threatening me and my family which I don't take lightly. He's last message was he would be coming over here Monday or Tuesday because he needs to check things out. He has a key. I've changed the deadbolt.

  I'm waiting.

  Oh, I forgot a detail. My mother and father's names were on the rental agreement as co-signers. They have requested that their name be taken off the agreement starting in June. Which means we have to pay an additional $50 to satisfy the deposit. Our property manager is a real nice lady and is working with us through this mess.

  Josie