Well since we're all sharing "coming out" stories, I might as well add my own...
I think what started the ball rolling in the direction of the KH exit door for me was the uncaring, cold, rigid attitude of certain elders in our old congregation. Then our family moved across the country to Alberta and into an even colder, even less caring congregation. Elders are supposed to be concerned when your field service hours drop to practically nil. I told the PO of this new congregation that my hours had never been that low before EVER, and he just shrugged as if to say "what do you want ME to do about it??" But his apathy was a blessing because it made me start to seriously doubt what kind of an organization this truly was. If people care more about talking about their golf games than the fact that you are losing your faith in the only way of life you've ever known and have made so many painful sacrifices for, then you gotta wonder if they're "God's people" as they so claim. Eventually we moved into a warmer, friendlier congregation, but by then my doubts had already snowballed and were gaining more momentum with every passing day. I really started to resent women's "place" in the organization, and I started to realize how degrading this subordination to men really was. Then at one assembly I got so sick of the constant harping that they do to make you feel like you're never good enough for God that I could feel tears forming in my eyes, and I left the building. From then on I attended less and less meetings, and started to spend a lot of time with my "worldly" friends, who introduced me to the bar scene among other things. This was probably the first step out -- starting to integrate into the rest of the world and stop isolating myself exclusively to JW friends. Then I started to FINALLY, for the first time, explore my sexuality. I felt sooooooooo guilty about it at first, but eventually learned to relax about it. Although there was something inside me that was telling me that I didn't feel as strongly about boys as my other female friends did. Eventually my feelings for my girlfriends exploded like a dam that has burst under too much pressure, and after an initial period of much shame and guilt, I started to identify as a queer woman. I believe THAT was the last straw for me - because we all know that Jehovah hates homos!! Or so we are told anyway. Being a JW and a lesbian are mutually exclusive things.
It's been a long road since then and even today I still struggle with the paranoia, isolation, and alienation that has been pounded into me by WBTS doctrine. Spiritually speaking, I have some theories but no set-in-stone beliefs. I consider myself agnostic now. I am slowly but surely picking up the shattered pieces of my identity with the support of my friends. As for the role of the internet in my leaving, it was only after I had left for good that I summoned up the courage to look at "apostate" sites. At first I was too emotional and angry, angry, ANGRY!! to look at that kind of information and realize how cheated I had truly been. Recently though I have developed a more objective but still engrossing interest in the history of the organization and the flaws that they never tell you about at the KH. I've found both watchtower.observer.org and freeminds.org to be helpful.
