Stop paying for things, and you won't have to do the pursuing, rest assured.
Help Me Please !!!!!!!!
by Maddie 31 Replies latest jw friends
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flipper
MADDIE - I"m so sorry you are going through this. It sounds as if your son is playing a control game with you - trying to dominate you. I would talk to him sincerely about showing respect to you his mother , and he should let his yes mean yes, his no mean no ! He is probably being influenced by the wife to do this as well , as some have said. Try to be loving, but firm with him. He should know from being in the witnesses that it is expected to respect your parents , so he should show that he really does that. Good luck to you , I'm going through similar rejection from my daughters still. Hang in there sis ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit
I can't add to what everyone has already well said. So sorry you're dealing with this, we're with you, dear.
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shell69
Maddie,
its been a while since you and I conversed. I really sorry that this is hurting you so much, and I fully understand that you must love your family so much. A new baby does bring such joy and should bring much love into a family.
I'm afraid I havent really got much more to offer than that which other board members have already posted, and they are all valid ways of trying to deal with the situation.
I know its not quite the same... I'm not yet a grandmother, but I did have a similar situation, in that I used to spend an awfull lot of time with my young nephew. Oh Maddie, I love that little lad so much, and I miss him.
However, and I don't know if this is going to be of any help to you, I have to sort of put my feelings and thoughts of him to one side because I cannot change what is happening..... I know the JW drill! It will never change the fact that I love him, but I know what they (my family members) will do in dealing with my exit from the borg.
My thoughts are with you; I think what your son is doing is mean and nasty, and you don't deserve to be treated like this, but sadly, by experience I have to concede that this is what they'll do. Fair play to you if you can get them to act differently.
Kindest regards. Shell69
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sass_my_frass
This happened between my mum and my oldest sister. They just fell out over a series of minor things, but when my sister got a couple of babies she only had time for them. I occasionally remind mum that she rarely made time for her mum either, when we were growing up, she was too busy with mothering and doing all the JW stuff, and now my sister is doing the same thing. I get the feeling now that mum is too much work emotionally for my sister to be able to handle it, I know I can't myself. Don't be hard to have around.
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MidwichCuckoo
Maddie - maybe she (DIL) feels insecure and jealous as she hasn't a close relationship with her parents, and so by isolating your son they are 'in the same boat' and reliant only on each other.
Regarding 'he believes in the "education and career isn't what you should be doing propaganda" put out buy the WT' - my head wants to say, 'get the WT to support/subsidise his salary then'. I've found that, one way or another, most of US (me included) are still having to compensate (wrong word, but I know what I mean, lol) the WT (whether time or money) just to maintain relationships with JW relatives.
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AK - Jeff
So sorry Maddie for your having to deal with this. Robots only act on command. They have no mind of thier own. This is the problem.
I really do understand your pain. I hope you can find a way to deal with it. I am afraid I have no solution, except my well wishes and positive thoughts in your behalf.
Jeff
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jgnat
Your son and your daughter-in-law have turned in to little monsters. And you are begging for it.
I think your desire for a normal relationship has blinded you to the terrible behavior you are tolerating. The only hope for any improvement is to demand proper behavior from your son and your daughter-in-law. Love yourself enough to be treated as you should be.
Your husband is absolutely right, you have to stop being a doormat.
Believe me, I understand the terrible pain you are suffering. But you are not going to get a kinder family by begging. You are not going to be treated any better for tolerating their bad behavior. Writing out your feelings won't help either, because this is a terribly selfish couple. They don't care how you feel.
You have to turn the tables so they do care. And that is going to take some initial sacrifice and pain on your part. It might take a couple years. They may never stop being stupid. But I am convinced this is your best shot at having the relationship with your granddaughter that you desire.
First of all, make a list of behavior that a grandmother should expect. How often do you want to be called on? Your visits should NEVER be cancelled at the last minute. Put together a toy box at your house that your granddaughter can enjoy when she visits. And they can certainly pay to be the parents they are supposed to be, by themselves. Otherwise, what are they doing? Playing house?
Second, stop calling. Cold turkey. Wait for them to call you. If they dare call to ask for money or things on their first call, tell them that is very insulting and you wouldn't even consider it unless they started calling and visiting on a regular basis. If they pull out the guilt card (providing for your granddaughter) make it clear that they are the parents and you wouldn't even consider interfering with their parenting or their responsibility. Hey, my flaky brother tried that on me. He showed up at my work with his two babies in tow, asking for milk money. But I was a single parent who had dragged my family up from the bottom by myself. I am also un-embarrassable. I didn't care how it looked to those watching. I was much more concerned about what sort of message I was giving my brother. I told him I didn't have any money to give him. Guess what? The boys turned out all right. In spite of their flaky parents. His youngest just got married a year ago, and he is a wonderfully kind and thoughtful man.
I know this sounds harsh, but I truly believe this is the fastest way to get these two monsters to straighten out.
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compound complex
Dear Maddie,
What words of comfort you've received. Those very words from your JWD friends have helped me too.
I'm an empty-nester dad whose situation is not as difficult as yours, but I still feel bad and left out at times. If I were still at the KH with the mother of my children, I would see my kids and their children weekly - no problema.
No can do - I'm finally learning to be a man.
Not easy for the likes of me.
Love,
CoCo
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Maddie
I just want to say thanks to everyone who tried to help me on this thread. I know many (too many) are going through the same pain with family in the JW's, so it helps just to have you understand. I have had a lot of suggestions and have decided to be honest with my son about how he and his wife make me feel by their behaviour. I shall also tell him that it is disrespectful and unchristian to me as his mother. If this has no effect then there is really not much I can do about it except to try and let it go and minimise my pain if that's possible.
Maddie