Cut and Run

by yumbby 26 Replies latest jw friends

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  DanTheMan

  I can relate. Although I didn't move or change my name, leaving Jerhover's loving organization back in '02 was a Cut and Run for me. My DA letter took me all of about a minute to write - 'let this letter serve as notice that I am disassociating myself from JW's' - and that was pretty much all I wrote. And so with one hastily written letter I tossed out ten years of JWism and started afresh.

  The nice thing about living in a larger city is that in some ways it is possible to escape from at least some of your past. Nowadays I never see any JW's that I used to know, nor do I ever come across people that I knew in school or from previous jobs. And I like it that way. If I never again saw anyone from those aforementioned groups of people, I would be all the happier.
• 

  Maddie

  Yes I have had that feeling many times in the past and still do occasionally. When I have problems or situations that I feel trapped in or very painful to deal with I just want to run away and forget about them. My way of running away used to be alcohol until it made everything much worse and added more problems, so I don't do that since I got in recovery. Running away just creates more problems and doesn't make anything go away so I try not to act on these feeling now.

  Maddie
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  chickpea

  i have had several bouts of the urge to cut and run.... for nearly a year i wouldnt tie my shoes, left the laces dangling so i wouldnt run......

  once i had gone as far as making a plan to head across the border and disappear in toronto.....

  a roommate from college happened to call during that period of significant and ongoing stress...... she was very experienced in the realm of mental health issues, by her own admission having been in therapy "off and on for 20 years.... mostly on"

  t'was she who recommended to me that i seek counseling...... and that made a huge HUGE difference for me..... and now i recognize the signs and have on one other occasion, paid attention to that "cut and run" urge and sought counseling.... neither time longer than 6-8 months, but man! what a difference it makes to have a 3rd party help ya sort thru your shite and help you see options you never knew were options......

  i do understand that feeling and i hope you can get what you need to resolve or at least ameliorate it for yourself..... godspeed you
• 

  Crumpet

  I know how you feel, although I'd never change my name and there are people I will always want to keep in touch with.

  I have always cut and run.

  I planned my first escape from when I was young enough to know escape was possible and had saved enough to run away when I was 14. I waited til my family had gone on Saturday field service and then ran away. I got to the city about 30 miles from our small town, found myself a bed and breakfast, didn't tell anyone where I was going. The police brought me back the next day after I attended the kingdom hall after looking it up in the phone book, so I didn't miss the meeting.

  I next ran when I was 16. Unable to abide by parental house rules and unwilling to sacrifice my freedom longer than I legally had to surrender it to them, I found a dingy attic room I could afford to rent by working long shifts in a supermarket and promptly left home as I'd always known I would.

  I'm inclined to do a runner frequently. I'm impulsive. But I've learnt there is one person I can't runaway from. So its best to make my peace with her before making rash decisions!

  That said I don't regret any runners I've done. They were all absolutely right at the time.
• 

  Sparkplug

  Yeah, I'm a fixer too. I have come to understand that some things can't be fixed and for those things "acceptance" and "forgiveness" is the answer.

  Definition of "forgiveness": giving up all hope for a better past.

  After several months of intense therapy, I have learned the above also. It is not always cut and run. Sometimes it is making a aware choice to change things. Then you do it. Some things cannot be fixed. Sometimes things are started out of your control, so you take the control you have over yourself and you fix that. Just that and do what you have to do for you and yours.

  Make a better past to come.

  Acceptance is BIG and Forgivness is KEY.

  Starting with forgiving yourself.
• 

  Quandry

  yumbby

  I know I have felt like leaving it all behind many times. I am now 56, and still feel that way occasionally.

  I have stayed and stuck it out. The past is always there in our minds, no matter where we go; hence the aptly named book mentioned earlier.

  I am glad I stayed. My dad is dead now. What if I had left and he died not knowing where I was? I could not have lived with that. My mom is in a nursing home. Difficult things to deal with. But I know I'd never want to be alone all day thinking that my loved ones couldn't bear to be with me.

  I have a family of my own. Yes, they need me and the responsibility of work, husband, child, in-laws, is sometimes alot to bear.

  One finally comes to terms.

  At least I don't have the added misery of thinking that I left everyone for selfish reasons. I can sleep at night knowing that I gave everything my best. Not perfect, but I tried very hard.

  Hope this helps.
• 

  cognizant dissident

  Yes, it is one thing to cut and run when you are a teenager from an abusive home, with no children, no spouse, no sick or aging parents to think of, no mortgage or credit card debt. Then you are relatively free to search for your own path. But when you have a partner, children, sick parents, and people you owe money too, then cutting and running is just irresponsibility. You won't feel better about yourself if you do cut and run. It can be devastating to your family. There are ways to seek and follow your own path without abandoning all ties. While cutting all ties is a pleasant fantasy when stressed to the max, the price paid will be very high. Loneliness can be a bitch!

  Cog