Cut and Run

yumbby

This is just a post to see if anyone else feels how I do. Have any of you ever in response to a situation you didnt' feel you could control just feel like packing a bag and taking off without telling anyone where you are going and starting over completely fresh and away from your past? It is so tempting. I have a husband I love, a father that needs me, but a life that I don't feel that I can change in any good way. It would hurt to leave everything, but it would solve a lot of problems. Just think about it. Starting completely over. Even changing your name, in a place you've never been before. Tempting?

stillajwexelder

In 1989 I felt like that - never felt that way since

darkuncle29

I think that that's an illusion, albeit a pleasant one. So you feel trapped, and that is not good for anybody's mental or physical health. Would it be possible for you to take a few days off and get away, go to the mountains or stay in a B&B? You need to give yourself enough space to decompress a little, and then turn around and activly figure out how to fix your life, and what you can fix about it.

I've felt trapped before too, and it really wers you down. It is also difficult to make any changes in an environment where you feel trapped. but if you can, start with the small changes first, and let them build.

Good luck.

Anti-Christ

Yea, I thought about that once a wile ago but back then I was not myself, I was a JW clone and I was trying to brake free but I did not know it yet. I knew something was wrong but it took a wile before I figured out what it was. I guess in a way I did became an other person, I became me, it's sort of starting all over again but you don't really leave anybody.

yumbby

I'm guess I"m embarrassed that I don't feel I have the strength to make the changes necessary. I need to reach deep and stand up and change things. But my one thought is, if I win, will I like what I've won? Is it really worth it?

cognizant dissident

I have felt that way more than once and not in the too distant past, either. There comes a time though, when we are just too old to run away from home and start over. We have responsibilites to our families, to our financial obligations, and to ourselves. Could we really be happy with ourselves if we abandoned our obligations and ran?

I'm reading a book now, on mindfulness and meditation, called, "Everywhere you go, there you are." The bottom line is we can not run from ourselves, or from our fears. We take them with us. We can change our minds and our lives though, by staying in the present and working with what he have right now.

I highly recommend the book. It is for beginners to meditation. It focuses on taking care of ourselves, our whole selves, mind, body and spirit.

Cog

yumbby

Thanks cog, I"m going to check out that book. The one thing that keeps me here is that I"m afraid I'd run away and make exactly the same mistakes over again because I didn't learn anything. I'm programed to make the same screw ups till I fix myself.

darkuncle29

Forgive yourself, give yourself permission to be human and imperfect.

OUTLAW

I`ve reinvented myself more than once..Near killed myself,doing it on one occasion..All in All..It was worth it............... Clint Eastwood ...OUTLAW

cognizant dissident

The one thing that keeps me here is that I"m afraid I'd run away and make exactly the same mistakes over again because I didn't learn anything. I'm programed to make the same screw ups till I fix myself.

Your statement is partially true Yumby. We are "programmed" and we do make the same mistakes over and over again. The solution is not to "fix yourself" or "your screwups" though. It is awareness of the processes of our mind that are "conditioned/programmed" into us from a very young age by many facets of society. This is the "mindfulness" that comes with meditiation. When we are aware, then we can make more skillful choices. There is nothing "screwed up" about you and nothing to fix. There is nothing to be gained by beating ourselves up for mistakes made because of what we didn't know in the past.

Becoming mindful is a compassionate process. As darkuncle said, forgiveness is what is needed, gentleness and compassion for ourselves and our families. I'm going to recommend another book to you also that is excellent for beginners. It is not so much about meditation but about the psychology of our mental conditioning that keeps us "trapped" and how to break free from it.

It's called, "There is nothing wrong with you!" by Cheri Hubert. The first one I mentioned, "Everywhere You Go, There You Are", is by John Kabat-Zinn. They are both simple, easy reads, but don't let that fool you. They were both paradigm changing books for me. I recommend them to everyone.

Cog

Cut and Run

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