Orgull,
I feel for you, and anything I say isn't meant to sound harsh, just helpful. Just know this, we love you brother! There is still love here, it's NOT just at the kingdom hall. Having said that, here goes. Your life is the only you're going to get, so live it. Not selfishly, in a worldly way, just live it. Jehovah gave us our lives to live and be happy, so just live it, happily. If that means you should get an education at a local college then do it. Ananlyze what YOU want to do with the rest of your life. A wife, kids, dogs, cats? Remember, your parents gave YOU the gift of life (albeit from Jehovah), it's your obligation to live it happily.
I was somewhat in your shoes as well, although not having elderly parents to take care of. I was an MS, giving talks, prayers, etc... It was the pressure of having sooo many people to please that I left (there were other things too, but staying on topic), I just couldn't do it any longer. There comes a time in your life when you kinda get sick and tired of taking care of everybody else's demands and none of your own. You're in your 30's and have NO education? You got to look at this, seriously, how can you progress economically? What about your retirement, are you going to live like a bum? On the street? Who's going to take care of you when you need it? I've got the answer for you, NOBODY!
I think someone mentioned this already, and it's a good idea;
- Look at where you are today
- Think about where you want to be in five years
- Make a plan to get there
You sound like a nice, caring, loving guy, surely there is a woman out there for you, go find her! You've got to expand options or you'll litterally go crazy. There are tens of thousands that have gone down this road, you're not alone. That's what this forum is for, it's a healing place. A place to vent your feelings, share your failures and successes. You're going to need some help, so PM (Private Message) me if you need to, we can talk. We're NOT satanic monstere here as the org would have you believe, we're real people who left the org. just like you. People with real emotions and real feelings and real needs for companionship, that's why we're here.
In conclusion (sounds like a talk doesn't it?) we want to see you around here, share your thoughts, open up a dialogue with someone either here on the board or by PM'ing them, you'll get through this. This board helped me and my wife tremendously, the healing process went much smoother and quicker.
Keep in touch bro,
BP