I am stuck in a life I don't want and can't see the way out (page 3)

garybuss

You wrote: I am stuck in a life I don't want and can't see the way out

I thought that once too. It wasn't true. I chose to stay in a life I didn't like because I lacked the courage to change and I stayed because of the benefits I was receiving.

When I developed the courage to change, I lost the benefits I was receiving . . . but the loss of benefits was the reason I needed the courage in the first place. I grieved the loss, I replaced the benefits, and for me, the leaving was much harder than the staying.

sspo

Hang in there because many of us are in the same boat.

Take your time and in due time you'll make the right decision.

RollerDave

Orgull, my man.

I know it can seem daunting at first, starting over from scratch, but if you proceed with caution you may yet salvage parts of the life you now live and have less to rebuild.

If it takes X number of years to be through the ugly bits and that seems like an eternity, ask yourself where you'll be in X number of years if you DON'T start now.

I know you feel like you are in one of those dreams where you are falling, but one needs to remember, you can't land on your feet, unless you ARE falling, and that often requires a jump.

We here on JWD have got your back, it's what we do.

So make your plan, take a leap, and land here with us on your feet so you can help the next poor fellow who thinks he is stuck.

Roller (of the 'got your back' sheep class)

Hortensia

take advantage of the situation you are in - you need time to learn job skills that will support you the rest of your life. You need to save money. You need to make new friends (I suggest community college). Meanwhile you have somewhere to live and only need to work part time. Make a written plan for the future - where do you want to be in five years. Then outline the steps it would take to get there, in as much details as possible. Then figure out what it will cost in $$$, emotions, and support/family/friends. Then make a check list and start checking of things as you accomplish them. You'll feel better and you''l wind up closer to where you want to be. Your plan may change as time goes on, but that's OK too - at least you'll have a plan and you'll be taking positive steps.

Lecture over. Hope things get better for you - hang in there. Make a plan, then just do it, one step at a time.

as for the meetings, I suggest dysphonia - "unfortunately," you'll whisper to the elders, "I have a case that flares up under stress." If they push you, you grasp your throat and look stressed.

freeme

I am not ready to walk away from my family and my few meager friends and I am not ready to re-enter the full-time work force. But I cannot keep living the lie. I had to give a talk on Tuesday. It was horrible. I didn't pray. I didn't believe what I was saying. Yet everyone loved it. Just more evidence that "God's spirit" was not at truly at work there.

same here, buddy. the last talk i gave i felt exactly the same. no prayer, not believed one word i said. it was unlogical BS i was talking. i just was rewriting some stupid text in some literature into a manuscript. when i wrote it i searched evidence to make it believable but i found nothing. only circular reasoning. gave the talk in jw mode. everyone was happy. "i felt the zeal in your talk". it would be funny if it wasnt so sad.

i dont really wanna know HOW MANY of us are in all those "happy" congregations. just being jws because of the pressure and fear. living a lie. i bet the congregations are full of them.

gods chosen people? ya, whatever...

freeme

JPT

How about just go on Sunday. Just gopart-time. Just say it's just to much to go to all the "endless" meeting because of your aging parents. Everyone should be OK with that.

Sorry, it's not always easy. Try to find some joy in something.

WLG

Prepare to move as soon as you are ready. New friends will come faster than you can imagine. the mover fade is pretty easy to pull off...if you move far enough away.

coaster

I feel the same way, and last year it was so bad that even though married with two young adult kids, I made a serious suicide attempt that ironically left me in jail for first time ever. Anyway, it is still bad for me, but my elders, but only one in particular know what I am going through. Since I went to them and my CO when I could not figure some things out, they know how the "new light" shed upon me and not the rest of the cong has affected me. The one elder has been told by me "after finding out the real truth about our bible......I am very depressed, on three meds, tried to kill myself, and now have to choice but to re-evaluate my life-long faith."

And that dear friend is the truth, and it felt good to say it and they are not giving me any grief. zero service for a year now, and a few meeting once in awhile.

Good Luck

coaster

flipper

Orgull- Drew Sagan's remark that he was changing but didn't know what he was changing into or towards was pretty accurate. I read a book called ," Gestalt Therapy Verbatim". In it the author Frederick Perls, psychologist says," To suffer one's death and to be reborn is not easy." Exactly what most are telling you here. Jehovah's Witnesses beliefs kill a little of something off in each of us, by being programmed to believe what they say is true. It can be somewhat frightening and enlightening all at the same time when our blinders come off and we see it for what it is, a deceptive controlling cult. I too faded about 4 years ago and haven't looked back. Just keep fading my friend. Your parents need you, so do it in a way you feel comfortable with gradually. My folks, 82 and 80, witnesses since 1951 respect my fade and understand my reasons. If you are respectful with them, don't verbally put them down for believing it, just in time let them know you have some issues and are working it out. Don't tell them you don't believe it's god's organization, then your mom might invite an elder over to convince you otherwise and try to get two of them there as witnesses to set yourself up for a jc meeting. In other words you are being reborn now to a freer way of thinking, cherish that! But still fade slowly and carefully so you can stay close to your parents. It has worked for me, and my dad is still an elder! Love them and care, just privately don't share their beliefs, but respect they have them. Good luck my friend, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

BizzyBee

Orgull,

I believe that deep down in your deepest downs you know what you have to do to change your situation. Right now, you just don't want to do it. And I say that with true sympathy, not criticism. But if you "keep doing what you've been doing, you're going to keep getting what you've been getting."

It's great that you are debt-free. Now, pretend that you are the sole survivor of a plane crash that took the lives of everybody you know - parents and those pesky 'meager' friends, sibs, and all the dubs you know. You are coming out of a coma, surrounded by strangers, yes, but strangers who are pulling for you. Once your broken leg heals and the bruises fade and the physical therapy kicks in - you can start a whole new life. At 34 - sheesh! - what an adventure awaits you! Plenty of time to get an education - and use it - to make a fantastic life.

Last suggestion: Sort out your issues and keep them in perspective - money/work issues from JW/parents issues. You do yourself no favor to get these two domains entertwined.

Now GO!

I am stuck in a life I don't want and can't see the way out

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