by roflcopter 67 Replies latest jw friends
((((((((((((((((roflcopt))))))))))))))
Sorry you have to go through this. Unfortunately this is how most JW's live - Holier than thou with a double life.
A cheating mate is a very hard thing to get over, if you do infact ever get over it. If she cannot so the simpliest thing, leave the job and never see him again, I don't think you can trust her to be faithfull.
Cry your tears, dust yourself off and move on. Be careful about jumping into another relationship to quickly!!
nj
I feel for you. This is just sh!t.
I had the same thing happen to me after 9 years, and I wish I had your sense at the time. If she really felt sorry, and wanted to be with you, her job would be irrelevant.
End this chapter in your life, and start a new one. Only with fancier script, and prettier pictures.
take care.
steve
Can she have a scriptural divorce if she was the offending party? As long as he remains single, then she cant remarry. Am I right on this?
I had a talk on this very subject. Yes she was the offending party but by her actions she ended the bonds of marriage. The local BOE might have different views on this but both are free to marry.
* By Dub rules... both would be free to remarry. My ex had an affair that she would never admit to with an older man (in his 40's) so she claimed to the local BOE that they were "just friends", and that when she stayed over at his place on weekends that she slept on the couch. 1.5 years later I met my girlfriend, and slept with her, I was then the "offending" party, and both of us were now considered free to "my" adultery, because I came clean about it, and then got DF'd, because I wanted to be with my girlfriend who is amazing.
I found out my ex was cheating much like you, through her phone records, then her staying at this "worldly" man's place all weekend long, and hanging out there during the week, etc. I was also 24, since then I lost 60 lbs, got in better shape, dated some amazing women, some crappy, and had lots of fun being single again, hanging out with my friends, playing in bands, cooking for my friends, buying my own house, buying new guitars, etc. I have ZERO desire to get married again right now. I got stuck with a mountain of debt and had to lose lots of possessions in my divorce, but we had no kids and no house, so all together it was pretty easy.
Leave and never, ever look back!!!
Once cheating/lying and the such happens in a marriage, it is virtually impossible to make mends with it. Not "impossible" but so close to it. The marriage will never be the same.
Some on here have invested 10+ in marriages with kids only to have this happen. And some have taken their wives/husbands back just to have it done all over again. Fortunately for you, you're still young with no kids and you've only invest 3 years tops in this relationship. You can rebuild your life and have a chance at meeting someone that is not in the cult and would be faithful to you for the rest of your life.
I'm so sorry for your pain. Hugs to you! Just don't let her take over your life and happiness. (easier said than done, I know)
First things first: If you intend to go through with a divorce, DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER AGAIN. To the Elders™ resuming sexual relations with an unfaithful partner is considered "forgiveness" of the unfaithfulness. If you think you might forgive her, INSIST that she get herself tested for STDs, and do not have sex with her until the test results come back clean. You don't need to catch crabs or worse as a result of this.
Next: Continue to insist that she find other employment - or the other offending party finds a new job. If one or the other of them not willing to change jobs, then it's time to take the divorce route.
Next: Take it to the next level (since she's such a high and mighty pious JW): Tell her she has to go to the Elders™ and take her lumps like a True Christian™, and so does the guy she cheated with. If she wants to make things right, according to their own value system (which she's been holding over you like a guillotine), this is the way it has to be done. If they don't do it of their own accord, then you will go to the Elders™ yourself.
Once they're DF'd (and they most probably will be, due to their affair initiating in the workplace, amongst people who are going to know they are both JWs and thus have Brought Reproach On Jehovah™), initiate divorce proceedings. Honestly, just cut your losses and move on. If they end up together, it won't be your problem anymore. If they end up together, they probably deserve each other.
bum situation rofl, I'm sorry to hear of it.
I am curious why she wouldn't get df'd for fornication?
Turn the bitches ass in to her elders ! And drop the useless woman.....
Been there, done that, and hated the t-shirt.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. I wish I could be more positive, but I can't.
Toss her ass to the curb. You are young....you will find the right one when the time is right.
Dear roflcopter,
(((HUGS!!!))) I am so very SORRY you are going through such a terrible thing!! Why is she refusing to stay on at her job? If she really was sorry you would thinkshe would offer to quit, not refuse to leave. Maybe she is just sorry she got caught and now she may face disfellowshipping! Hang in there. 2.5 years is definately a long time, but imagine if you would have 10 -20 or more years invested and then she pulled this. I know it doesn't make it easier, but if she was going to be unfaithful, at least you don't have more time then you already do invested in her.....You will be in our thoughts and prayers!!
Sincerely,
Lady Liberty
