Hello, I've been lurking for a few months now. Like many others here I've been through quite a bit lately, and what I've learned (thanks to JWD) is very eye opening to say the least. Will write my story when I have time. Oh, heck why not start now.... I enjoy reading others stories so much and it's a sort of therapy I suppose.
I was pretty much raised a dub from the young age of 6 or 7 by faithful dub parents. I was asked at 14 "why not get baptised?" by my mother. It really hadn't crossed my mind. She and my father pushed it saying "if Armagedon came and I wasn't baptised I could die because I was old enough to take my own stand before Jehovah now". Geez, if you put it that way (and scare me), guess I'd better get baptised. I didn't want God to kill me when Armageddon came. And since Armageddon would be here before the 1914 generation all passed away I'd better get with it. My wonderful dad was sure to chirp in"be sure that's what you want to do because once you get baptised if you ever do any wrong at all like commit immorality you'll be disfellowshiped". Yeah ok dad, but it's not like I had a choice if I wanted my parents to be happy with me...baptised at 15. (Why does the borg ignore the fact that Jesus wasn't baptised till he was in this 30's?? Isn't that an example we should follow. Who knows about life at 15 or 10 or even 18? Sure we think we do until we get older and look back and think "What was I thinking?"
You see, I am the type of person (daughter) that always wanted to please and I couldn't stand it and still can't (but I'm better now) if someone was unhappy with me ---- so I did what they wanted me to do or what I thought they wanted me to do--------then if they were happy - I was happy. Dad was (and still is) very controlling, his way or no way. So, in order to keep him in a good mood and avoid endless nonsense counseling from the scriptures (controlling) I did things his and Mom's way. Anyhow, baptised in 1980's, Father becomes elder shortly thereafter......(what a source of power for a controlling person!) NOW, it's "you'd better set a good example for your siblings and the rest of the cong. & don't you dare get in trouble and embarass me and our family!!!!" Being the obedient dub and daughter I set a good example in everything, never gave them reason to complain, 3rd in my class, turned down a scholarship to college (since the big A was coming anytime) then regular pioneered and supported myself cleaning houses........I HATED EVERY BIT OF IT!!!!!! WHat a complete and utter waste of my youth and time. Oh how I regret turning down the scholarship.....
Then early 20's I made the biggest mistake of all.....married a man who claimed to be a JW. I endured 17yrs of lies and adultery that I couldn't prove, (once again, a faithfal elder's daughter -though states away from dear old Dad- and a faithful dub I stayed with ex because I had no proof of adultery!!) and found out once I kicked his @#$ out that he'd molested my sister when she was 15 or 16. Now I have 2 children by the sorry jerk and he is as sorry of a father as he was a husband.
Anyway before my divorce is finalized I meet this man (that seems to this day to be a blessing from God) I start to realize that my ex NEVER really did love me, he just used me. Now I am married to this wonderful man who is a good step-dad in my children's lives, and we are still very much in love. I was so afraid he wouldn't want me anymore once he got what he wanted (if you know what I mean) like the ex did to me after we got married (and he got what he was after). I figured it was my fault and I'd have to suffer with my bad choice to "set a good example" and uphold Jehovah's name. Boy do I ever regret that too, staying with someone who made life misreable and a sufferance constantly for the sake of "Jehovah".
Anyhow, long story short, my wonderful, loving, supportive parents turned against me once I was df'd (hey I wasn't divorced yet, but my heart sure was free to love again in my mind) They (parents) tried to force me into "it's him or us" I asked my Mom point blank, "so you are saying if I stay with so and so you'll stay in town, and if I leave him then you'll not move and stay in town" "YES" she answered me. Can you believe that!!!?? I could not and never will ever treat my children they way they have treated me. They moved many many miles away to a congregation where the "need is great" and Father can have "more control" in KY. My mother told my young daughter who was suffering ADHD and from losing her father and losing the friends at the hall (I refused to be a hyprocrite like the other sisters who F*#&%^ my husband and hid it and then I had to be quiet about it - less I be charged with slander), anyway Mom told her "we are moving unless mommy comes back to the meetings" CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! Not only where they trying their darndest to control and minipulate me - they were using my 6 year old daughter who was about to loose her grandparents too.
The saga and my enlightening continues with part 2 at a later date.......
PS..........I let my "wordly husband" BURN all of my books JW one day in March. I knew most folks here on JWD would be so proud of me!! :)
and BTW.......everthing the borg says is Jibberish to me now.
Jib