by depressed 43 Replies latest jw experiences
Hi Lost.
Just a thought you might consider.
Agent 7 What the hell ever that is supposed to mean . Is the kind of person we should not put any trust in.
Anyone who labels groups of people he has never met or known, as Fornicators and Adulterers and using this as a way to scare you away, tells me this.
That since he is promoting a group filled with "pedophiles" AND fornicators and adulterers as a group that will help heal you "as they are hurting you" is best ignored and laughed at.
Outoftheorg
thanks to everyone for listening!
Maverick, what happened with your wife? Why did you divorce her? Did the organization accept your divorce?
The organization has not accepted the divorce my husband filed for - yet his PO father is financing it and has argued with me that the divorce is 100% scriptural. Go figure. I guess I'll never find out what I did to warrant a scriptural divorce. And my soon to be ex husband's adultery will never go punished. Oh well.
The organization has not accepted the divorce my husband filed for - yet his PO father is financing it and has argued with me that the divorce is 100% scriptural. Go figure. I guess I'll never find out what I did to warrant a scriptural divorce. And my soon to be ex husband's adultery will never go punished. Oh well.
That's appalling. I know a JW couple who married after she had divorced; they got 'spiritual endorsement' because they had it off. Their reasoning was 'adultery has occurred, therefore a divorce can be accepted'. Your ex will pay though, he probably already is just for the amount of time he has to spend with his horrid family.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. My recommendation re the loneliness: get out there and make a lot of friends. I found all of mine, and a good portion of the cure for my own depression, while volunteering. Working with others towards a difficult mutual goal builds strong friendships.
Who is that Agent 7 dude? How weird of him to label us like that. He reminds me of my dad, lol. That guy has no idea what I do in my personal time. I was a fornicator/adulterer while I was a smiley little JW with a "clean" record. Not anymore!
I'm sorry to hear about your husband, Depressed. If he wants to be a whore, let him be one. He will have to live with his own conscience (if he has one). To me, the biggest slap on the face for him would probably be to see you making yourself happy again without him. I know it sounds childish and immature, but it really does bother someone when they thought you lived for them, then they realise you live for yourself instead!
You just have to give yourself some time to think. Don't just jump into another religion. When I first decided that being a JW didn't set well with me, the first thing I wanted to do was panic and run to find another place to hide. But after a short while, I realised that thinking for myself, instead of allowing another religion to think for me, was the road I wanted to take.
I was raised a JW, and I'm still technically one of them. I just recently decided that I couldn't stand it anymore. I'm still trying to work out a plan to get out without hurting my parents too much.
Depression isn't fun, but it's normal under your circumstances.
I hope you start to feel better! I know it takes a lot of courage to even log onto this board (I know it was hard for me, because we're trained to believe that this would be stooping to a low level. It's not, it's actually stepping upward)
Take care!
Depressed, have you ever read the book "Crises of Conscience"?
Sorry Depressed no good news on them endorsing my divorce. My exwife was a habitual liar. Details are not horribly important anymore but basically anything for attention when she felt she wasnt getting enough. Ranging from miscarriages to her having a rare kind of "cancer". I was counselled by the elders that this was my fault and that she had no reason to seek treatment.(Didnt hurt that her dad was the PO of the congregation we had moved to after getting married) When I went into the hospital from the stress and inability to be a proper head of my household, as the elders said, I finally had the time to reflect on my own about what was happening, I also talked to the psychiatrist about the issues with my wife at the time and he reassured me that she had her own psychological issues to work through. Long Story short it came down to an ultimatum that she needed to get help or I was not going to enable or allow myself to be taken advantage of any longer. She wouldn't get help so I never went back to her after leaving the hospital. The congregation I was from had several judicial committee meetings with myself and her and ended up deciding to disfellowship me. I appealed this and sent my own letter to New York along with the judicial committee's and New York did not let them disfellowship me. However in basically this my biggest time of need everyone I knew turned their back on me. The congregation was not a haven of love and support through times of hardship it was a rumor mongering judgement filled place where I was no longer welcome. Even my old hall which I moved back to after leaving my exwife offered the nice help of "We told you so" and "You were too young to get married". Honestly some of that advice had I heeded it would have helped a few years prior unfortunately I didnt take it which I do take responsibility for. However, I would not have been in such a rush to get married or baptized for reasons that are debated much in other threads I have seen on this site.
Depressed I appreciate you starting this thread I never realized how much some of these things are still bottled up inside. Remember if you made it with all the people that are working against you now just think how far you can go now that they will not be in your life holding you back or weighing you down.
Matt
No, but I did once. I never truly bought into the Jehovah God and Jesus thing, even though I was raised around the religion my whole life. I just did it, as it was what I was told was right. I actually found that upon searching life better, I found things that were more in tune with how I felt and life was much better then. Losing a religion is a lot like losing someone in death and you have levels of remorse that are human and normal. Just realize, at some point you will reach one called barganing, in which you will convince yourself for a short time that a little bit of being a Witness is not all bad and might find yourself sitting in a KH again. Just realize, it too will pass.
sass_my_frass, yes it is appalling - all he had to do was lie,and he was out of the woodwork. It's quite unbelievable. But he got away with it because his family lives in a different State. He lives independently now, so I'm pretty sure that he's going to lead the "worldly" lifestyle while divorced from me and far from his parents. They may or may not ever find out about my soon to be ex (stbx) husband's cheating. I guess what bothers me really is that the father being a PO never told me how this divorce is scriptural. It's BS as far as I'm concerned. The only thing that he told me was, "You mean to tell me that you've been married for 10 years and you don't know why your divorcing?" From this comment, I guess my stbx husband slandered me. That hurts a ton.
Another comment that he made was, "You can have your local elders contact me, but Im not giving them any information".
So what is that suppose to mean? And why would he make that comment? I thought that we were all supposed to be united, so why would he refuse to give my "local elders" any information? My stbx husband's publisher's card is here, not over there, and we are both in New York. Go figure.
Maverick,
I understand your pain very well. but who's idea was it to get a divorce? I also suffered a nervous breakdown, as I couldn't keep up with the demands of college, the meetings, being a wife, and a very hard full time job where my supervisor was verbally abusive. And this all landed on me after we both left bethel, where things were a lot easier (at least that's my opinion).
Schism,
I think that what's happening to my husband is that he's now living the repressed childhood he never got to have. He lived a very enclosed "kingdom hall" lifestyle, only being allowed to watch tv for only an hour a day. He had to pioneer, and do all sorts of things until he finally left to bethel. He had a lot of restrictions growing up. When he left our house, he bought a motorcycle jacket, and took a jean jacket, cut the sleeves and put it over the leather jacket. Then he got a tattoo and started hanging out in bars with the older 45 year old woman, who promised him a baby. Well, I guess that she made him feel "sexily bad boy desirable" if that makes sense. I guess that he associates me with the goody two shoes pioneer/bethel image - you know, like so not sexy?
Whatever.
Oh, and I haven't read Crisis of Conscience, even though my brother recommended that I read the book.
I terminated the relationship after she refused to get professional help for her problem with lying to be the center of attention. Case in point the mysterious and fictional Miscarriage shortly after her sister had a child. The situation was rather complex and on certain parts of it, as far as I know, I am still believed by some to be the one who caused the problem. My solace is in my happiness being single now. I may not have a divorce recognized by the cong. As someone above also said there is a grieving process don't let the different phases you go through cause you longterm damage. To me it sounds like you are unsure of whether you would like to try and get back to the cong. or not. Just remember in the end that whatever path you choose it needs to be your choice and based on what you believe. Also since you have already been away for 4 years while it does hurt to deal with people and the way they treat you think about how important the people that are hurting you are to you. If they aren't helping you as a person, do you really want them in your life? and if you dont, Then dont enable them to hurt you anymore. I know this is easier said than done. Also I would highly recommend talking to someone a therapist or someone along those lines. It can be a huge relief just to let it all out and/or hear viewpoints from someone completely removed from the situation.
Matt
I also started pioneering at 16 and i went to bethel at 19 (left when i was 21) was kinda the golden boy of my area then a few years back sort of fell off the deep end and got df a year and a half ago. started discussing some of the finer points of the org with a friend i grew up with and realized some things don't add up. Ended up sealing the deal with reading "Crisis of Conscience" which shed any remaining faith in the "slave" that lingered. Somewhere in there i managed to get married to a witness girl that had be newly reinstated and have had an extremely rocky marraige. Two weeks ago we seperated due to her unfaithfulness and since have discovered it wasn't the first time so i am currently struggling with the fact that i need to divorce her, even though i do love her she isn't going to change and i know it. all this and my family just keeps telling me go back to meetings and get reinstated and all will be better but they don't know my lack of faith in the org. But at the same time my natural instinct is to turn there since thats what i know, thats where i was raised. So I too feel lost not knowing where to turn. it keeps me up at night the uncertainty of where to turn. I so want to do the right thing spiritually but what is that. I sympathize with you. You are not alone
