lost

by depressed 43 Replies latest jw experiences

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  tijkmo

  In the meantime, I would suggest prayer, since you are a believer (as I am) as real help is to be found in The Lord.

  well i'm afraid i wouldnt..

  your symptoms are exactly as mine were a couple of years ago..altho to do fair the reasons were self inflicted unlike yours..but i still believed and wanted to believe and wanted the oppurtunity to put things right..but needed help doing so..i got none..and so i prayed ...and prayed ...and prayed some more and this is what i found

  that the answer to the question..who is god..is -

  you know when you really really really need something so badly, not selfishly but for all the right motives, and you close your eyes real tight and you seek that help real earnestly....

  well hes the one who ignores you....

  and that just adds to the disillusionment

  i cant offer any help with what you should do..all i did was muddle thru..some days are better than others even now..i started a college course in a subject that i loved and got to know some folk who i dod some stuff with..and some feelings returned..time heals nothing ...but doing something with your time can and does dull the pain

  one thing i did decide early on was that if i was invited anywhere i would go..i had no desire to initiate anything..and would have preferred to be left alone..but i forced myself to go and be with people...it wasnt much fun to begin with..and probably less fun for them having me there but i did make some forward movement as a result..

  wish you all the best..ian
• 

  Quandry

  What you are going through is being allowed by Jehovah for a possible reason of justified purification of his people

  Well, now we have it. The fault is obviously yours. If you were to go to the elders this would be their take, I'm sure. You must not have fulfilled your role as wife in a theocratic way. No matter what your husband did you could have prevented it by being a better meeting attender, going out in service more, being in subjection more, etc.

  I'm guessing "help" like this is why you have not been to meetings for a few years. My sixteen year old daughter was accused for two and one half hours of committing fornication, something she did not do, and elders said there was no accusation of. They showed their love for her by berating and humiliating her, and then finally calling her a liar, making her read a scripture that she was filth in God's eyes and would burn in the fire with the devil and his angels. They disfellowshipped her, and said, "AND IF YOU ARE STILL DISFELLOWSHIPPED WHEN ARMAGEDDON COMES, YOU CAN TAKE SOME COMFORT IN KNOWING THAT JEHOVAH CAN READ HEARTS.

  After much complaining to the Circuit overseer, the District overseer, and an appeal committee, we were told we should "ACCEPT WHAT HAPPENED BECAUSE GOD HAS ALLOWED IT."

  I would encourage you to stay close to YOUR family-not your soon to be ex's. I would encourage you to have honest discussions with your husband. Why does he not admit to having an affair with this woman? Are you beyond any doubts that he did? I know the harmful effects of assuming someone is a liar and falsely accusing them.

  If he did have an affair, and there is no way that you can work things out, then I encourage you to take charge of your life. Have you completed your education? If not, this is the opportune time. It is also a way of meeting new people-not in a club. Also, you could do some type of volunteer work. This will make you feel better about yourself, and give you a sense of accomplishment. There are programs everywhere to help people learn to read, or learn English, or other charitable organizations.

  Please regroup, realize that you are a valuable person. Jesus views you as such. Read through many of the posts on this forum as to why we are no longer going to any Kingdom Halls. You will learn much.

  Do not allow posters such as the one who said the above words to you make you feel as though God is doing this to you because you need to be punished and "refined." Chin up. We care about you.
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  avidbiblereader

  Depressed, you sound as a lot like I did and to some extent still have a problem with who to hang out with on spiritual matters, it isn't something that I ponder about all the time though. My ex divorced me and she cheated on my likewise, her divorce was completely financed with $ and support from her family which is huge in my area. I felt the injustice but then realized it is only magnified because in my MIND I was still thinking it was maybe perhaps in a small way Jehovah's True People or Organization as I had been taught for so long. If something like this and it does happen all the time in the world we would give it no more thought than to be upset and rightly so. But coming from the organization, how could they, how could this happen? The reason is, they are no different than the people they condemn, they are no different than any other religion no matter how much they may say so. Remember what Jesus said, you will be able to tell them by their fruits, their fruits say "I am no better or any different than other religions". I remember as a witness one time trying to add up all the divorce cases in the local 4 cong, believe it or not, they had a higher divorce rate than the current USA average. By their fruits Jesus said. I find when it comes to my spiritual need. I turn to the Bible and speak of the Bible with whomever I find, i have plenty of working peers and others I meet anywhere and talk about the scriptures. Not though in the way the witnesses do, LISTEN to me attitude and I am right but the sharing of scripture and Bible thoughts, it is joy and refreshing not to shove your beliefs down someone elses throat. Just talking, remember Jesus said wherever two or three are gathered in my name, he didn't say whereever two or three witnesses are gathered. Turn to God and Christ in prayer and rely on them where our faith should be anyway. Religion has put a bad taste in my mouth and at this point in my life have no need for organized religion but still feel a need for spirituality, I now have a deeper and stronger relationship with God and Christ than ever as I rely on them and no human to fill my spiritual need. It is amazing how this works out as you will feel the HS and relationship stronger than ever. I have already posted to you before my Biblical veiwpoint on family protecting their own with King Daivd and Absolom, Korah and his sons. It is a human trait, that is why I will never put my spirituality in men again, I will turn to the only Ones that will not let me down. I pray and wish you the best, put your faith in the Bible and the two who will never let you down, humans in the spiritual sense always have that possibility. I for one will not have lightening strike twice on me with this issue.

  abr
• 

  Quandry

  Agent 7

  Ps . Please realize most opinions in here are Apostate opinions of people who didnt recover , or worse ....fornicators , adulterers , themselves ( 1 Cor 6 :9, 10 ) And It would a shame to mix with them either in there ideas or pursuites , for the results would be as negative as their ideas .

  Oh, really?

  Well, Yes I would say that there are people on this board who did not recover-how does one recover when their child is told that they are filth in God's eyes and that they will burn in the fire with the devil and his angels? One appeals to the WTS who then backs the men who did this, says they must have "learned their lesson" (although no action was taken against them) and that her father and I are causing divisions because we refuse to be "friends" with these men.

  My husband was an elder at the time. Our family was the one that headed to the bathrooms to clean faithfully, always used our car in service, never had hobbies or did anything other than "theocratic" pursuits. You know the type. These elders further lied in a meeting to have my husband removed as elder, stating that my daughter had a pattern of drinking and he should have known it, even though they knew that she tasted alcohol twice in a three week period, and NEVER GOT DRUNK. They said other hurtful lies as well.

  The result? My husband developed psoriasis all over his arms and legs, I got shingles across my back -great when you have to wear a brassiere to work- and when whe was disfellowshipped my daughter had hives day and night for five weeks. We had one short appeal meeting but never a promised second one because it was "TOO INCONVENIENT TO GET EVERYONE TOGETHER. My daughter is in therapy now.

  My husband and I are still not disfellowshipped. I am sure we will be soon, however, because we refuse to keep their dirty little secrets of how many children are treated in the infamous "back room" of the Hall.

  Since that time, of course, I found this forum and also found that the treatment meted out to my child was not an isolated incident. Many others have had the misery of the same "loving concern and spiritual help" of bullies such as these. Then of course, I found to my complete dissilutionment that the WTS had joined itself to the United Nation as NGO, had promoted this organization in the Awake magazine, and various other goodies, such as using contributions to the worldwide work to defend child molesters.

  Yes, I mix in company with the ones on this forum. I feel they are better company than hypocrites who claim to love, but treat people that Jesus died for as worthless. Why do you mix in company here?
• 

  uninformed

  Lost,

  One of the people that replied to your post was AGENT 7.

  I would like to warn you that it was his first post. In his post, he very smoothly tried to place himself and you in the "same boat", with similar problems with mates. In my 60 year old man opinion, he is setting you up to turn to him, as he has now warned you about the rest of us. Please be careful with him, I have a very bad feeling about him.

  My name is Brant Jones, and I post as Uninformed, that is UN informed. I have posted for about a year, and I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer. You will find great comfort with a number of good people, some who have suffered like yourself, and some who have been extremely active in the Organization and were either disfellowshipped, like myself, for not accepting the WT daliance with the UN, or others who have walked away.

  Since you are new here, I would readily recommend Blondie as a soul that will inform you and protect your interests. There are so many here that will be of great help to you.

  There is a feature on this board that you can read other people's post history. I would definitely do that before becoming too confidential with them.

  My wife and I and three of our children left the organization one and a half years ago, after many letters to the WT and many elders meetings. 6 months ago, they decided they were not content to just let us walk away after 45 years, but they decided to kick us out.

  I was an elder for 30 years. Worked in Bethel as a temp const. worker about 10 times in the 80's and both my sons, one who is still an elder and has disowned us, went to Bethel during the late 80's and early 90's. My son who left with me went through similar problems with a mate that you have, but I am happy to say he is happily re-married, and he and his new wife, also a JW, were very relieved to leave the organization together.

  There is life after the Organization, but to be honest, sometimes I still feel depressed and like crying over the lost feelings. You will too for years to come. BUT, the best day of our lives was the day we got disfellowshipped. We KNEW we weren't bad and we KNEW we didn't do anything wrong. THEY did the wrong and disfellowshipped us for their sin. What a blessing it has been to be apart from that Organization.

  Please, again, be careful with Agent 7, methinks he is a double agent.

  Brant
• 

  jgnat

  Do you have children together? How old are they? What are their hobbies?

  I do think you would benefit from a wider social network, but maybe stay away from religions for a time. Are there any hobbies or interests from your past that you had to drop because of other commitments? It might be time to take it up again. Take up photography or painting or pottery or bowling. Something.
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  depressed

  I don't understand what agent 7 is talking about, because no one was disfellowshipped in my case. My in laws are shunning me and they are treating me as a disfellowshipped person, but disfellowshiped I am not. I haven't done anything wrong. My stbx husband was the one who had the affair with the older "worldly" woman, but he's being treated like the golden boy. His lawyer is being financed by his dad who's a PO, and by the rest of his family, who by the way, are in Gilead. Even though he had the affair, they are shunning me because they believe that I am responsible for the break up of my marriage, even though my husband and I have never sat down to discuss that he was unhappy. The truth is that he was NEVER unhappy - I jsut got in the way after he decided to screw some tramp at work, then by being married was he suddenly unhappy. But don't tell that to his parents! Oh no, they believe ALL of their son's lies.

  My lying husband is not disfellowshipped either because he lied about his affair. It's as simple as night and day. He lied, and was not disfellowshipped. Instead he slandered me, and now I'm being shunned, although not disfellowshipped. I guess having a disassociated brother and mom made me out to be a scumbag in front of them. Why, who can compete with my husband? His dad is the PO, his mom is pioneering and his sister is in Gilead.

  The hell with all of them, I say now at this point. If you have family that's DA or DF, forget it - you are scum too in their eyes. Yes, I have it figured out.
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  mrsjones5

  Ignore Agent 7, I think he's a one hit wonder.
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  pobthespazz

  Hi Lost

  Sorry to hear your sorrow , but don't get too down on your chinstraps after all it is the season of good will to all mankind, I went through a Jw divorce some years ago, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel, my wife was an abusive , neurotic , mentalist, but since got married last year on the 4th July,

  Forget about the angry Hebrew god Yahweh, he wont help you , trust me,

  Any way Seasons greetings

  The Spazz
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  JamesThomas

  Welcome, agent7.

  I hope you post an introduction, that all may welcome you.

  j