All I want is this: for us to be a family, to spend time together enjoying life. I don't wish to debate about their beliefs when together. They can remain JWs for all I care. I just want them to stop shunning me. My father is nearing 70. He and my mom have been in this religion for over 30 years now (Catholic before that). They believe this is the truth primarily because it changed their personalities and behaviors for the better. They confuse outcome with strategy (or rather truth) in this case.
Anyway, I just want us to have normal conversation and to hang out together fairly often. With them getting older I fear I don't have much time to spend with them. I'm able to visit them unannounced once a year or so and talk with them for an hour or two. Those golden two hours are typically normal and wonderful. They are smiling, gleaming with happiness. We talk about all sorts of things, just normal stuff. I never bring up religion, evolution, or any other controversial subject, and say little if they do. But it always ends with profound emptiness and sadness. Their smiles change to long faces and tears. They tell me things like:
"We can't keep doing this. We just can't"
"We love you so much, but you know we shouldn't be talking with you."
"We must trust that doing things Jehovah's way, no matter how much we don't want too or how much it hurts, will be the best course of action in the long run"
The latter sentiment, one of faith, how to get past that? How do I get thru to them. I know they are under mind control (i.e. BITE, information control, fear, intellectual dishonesty in publications, etc). I get that. It's probably not gonna happen. But I still want to try.
I've thought about addressing the logical fallacy in that latter sentiment with my Dad. He's a very intelligent person. He sees all kinds of logical fallacies in what typical JWs say every day (i.e. if someone says, "I prayed to Jehovah for new shoes and look I found just what I was looking for, and 50% off at that. Thank you Jehoavah," he would respond with why would He give you shoes and not food to starving witnesses in Africa?"). I really think I have a shot with talking to him using logical, but the problems with this are:
1) He's been an Elder for about 20 years. He is indoctrinated quite a bit. He sees a bunch of bull shit, but says "This is the most perfect, imperfect organization... It has to be the truth." So while intelligent and logical, ideological motivation usually beats evidence or logic and as mentioned he is susceptible to confusing outcome with strategy are big problems. However, he often is the odd man out on his elder body. Most elders view him as a "problem elder." He is a very compassionate man and when other elders want to take action against members in Pharisaical ways ("strip brother so and so's privileges because he is only getting 9 hours in field service, not 10" he will stand up and fight for that member much to other elder's chagrin).
2) He's said before, "If one leaves the truth what do they have to believe in? Evolution? But what hope is there with that?" So he also makes the fallacy of appeal to consequences.
3) I worry any attempt to talk about his faith will be counterproductive, turn into debate, and will activate the cult personality. Still, while I'd never address logical fallacies with my Mom and would always appeal to her motherly love and emotions, my dad might bite with logic, or it could turn him off form talking to me forever. I'm not wanting to take on logic fallacies with the goal of somehow trying to get him to stop believing in his religion, just to get him to stop shunning. I just don't know how to do it. Suggestions?