Is it possible that a child molester is NOT a pedophile?

by sir82 57 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

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  sir82

  I realize many here have (unfortunately) much more experience with this sort of thing than I do. Any personal insight, or direction to research material, would be appreciated.

  There was a letter to all BOEs about 8-10 years ago, saying that if an appointed elder had any incidents of child abuse in his history, he had to step forward & admit such, so that his status as an elder could be reviewed. None of the elders in this congregation said anything.

  It was later (maybe 5 years ago) discovered that one of the elders had sexually abused his daughters some time in the 80's, before his appointment. Since he did not volunteer this information when the Society had directed all elders to in that letter, he was removed as an elder (he had been d-f'ed and re-instated back in the 80's when the incidents took place).

  The (now) ex-elder said he did not step forward out of shame for his previous course, and did not realize his actions would come to light. He claimed that the abuse of his daughters stemmed from an enormous amount of pressure he was going through. His wife was extremely emotionally abusive, and was in the process of filing for divorce. Of course, the brother had no outlet for his sexual impulses, was feeling pressure, and so got gratification from touching his daughters. He claimed that once the divorce was done, the pressure was gone and he never again did anything like that.

  He has since re-married, but had no further children. He is a very emotional person, and has a strong attachment to his current wife. In my limited experience, he had no overt signs of being attracted to children.

  My question is, is that possible? Is it possible that someone turns to a child for sexual gratification in a situation of extreme pressure, even though is not naturally a pedophile (i.e., normally has no sexual attraction for children)? If possible, is it also possible that once the source of pressure is removed, the child abuser would never again repeat his vile acts?

  Any insight is appreciated, as there may be a similar situation (abuse of a child many years ago) near where I am currently.
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  Scully

  If I'm not mistaken the two terms are not always interchangeable.

  A person can be sexually aroused by and attracted to children (pedophilia) and not act on their impulses. Very rare, but they can be a pedophile and not be a child molester.

  A child molester may not be attracted to children in a sexual manner, but engages/engaged in sexual activity with a child because the child was available.

  Sometimes child molestation isn't about sex at all. It's about seduction and power. It's a form of entertainment to them, the way fishing or hunting is to some other people.
  

  the brother had no outlet for his sexual impulses

  Cry me a river. Just my opinion, but he'd have been better off going to a prostitute than inflicting that damage on his own child. Lots of people have "no outlet for their sexual impulses" but they don't go around sexually abusing an available child.
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  Gretchen956

  I don't know, it all sounds like an excuse to me. Just because someone doesn't "act" like a pedophile is not surprising. Most of them don't act like it, how do you think they are so successful in accessing other people's children? This person would not be believed by me.

  Sherry
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  oldflame

  I always thought that pedophile was a label given to child molesters, in other words all the same.....
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  funkyderek

  The act is wrong and inexcusable regardless of his sexual preference and I would not leave him alone with my children. However, I have no difficulty believing that it could have been mere opportunism, rather than a primary sexual attraction. Men in prisons and submarines often have homosexual encounters, which they would not even consider if women were available.
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  oldflame

  Right on scully
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  sir82

  I always thought that pedophile was a label given to child molesters, in other words all the same.....

  Someone correct me if I'm wrong...

  "Pedophile" - someone with a sexual attraction to children. He may or may not act on that attraction

  "Child abuser" - Someone who perfroms a sexual act with a child. His predominent sexual attraction may be toward adults

  I can understand a pedophile struggling to control his impulses and not abusing children--but is it possible that someone abuses children even though their primary sexual attraction is toward adults?
• 

  Scully

  http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/pedophilia

  One entry found for pedophilia. Main Entry: pe·do·phil·ia
  Pronunciation: "pE-d&-'fi-lE-&
  Function: noun
  Etymology: New Latin
  : sexual perversion in which children are the preferred sexual object- pe·do·phil·i·ac / -'fi-lE-"ak / or pe·do·phil·ic / -'fi-lik / adjective

  http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=molester

  One entry found for molest. Main Entry: mo·lest
  Pronunciation: m&-'lest
  Function: transitive verb
  Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French molester, from Latin molestare, from molestus burdensome, annoying; akin to Latin moles mass
  1 : to annoy, disturb, or persecute especially with hostile intent or injurious effect
  2 : to make annoying sexual advances to; especially : to force physical and usually sexual contact on
  - mo·les·ta·tion / "mO-"les-'tA-sh&n, "mä-, -l&s- / noun
  - mo·lest·er / m&-'les-t&r / noun
• 

  Scully

  is it possible that someone abuses children even though their primary sexual attraction is toward adults

  Sure, it's possible. But that doesn't mean I'd trust him around my children. I'm afraid that's a bell that he can't un-ring. Tell me, if you know... or ask him if you don't: One offense requires that he add his name to a local sex offender registry. Has he done this? Has he confessed to the authorities? Has he apologized to his daughter? Unless he's done these things, he wouldn't get the time of day from me.
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  Lady Lee

  Scully gave a wonderful answer.

  The two terms are not interchangable.

  I would add however that the oportuntistic sexual abuser is no less a danger to children. If the stresses in his life become too great there is no reason to assume he won't take up his old behaviors.

  Sexual abusers are very deliberate in their actions. They would seek out a child who is vulnerable, as his daughters were. They choose their victims carefullly and slowly introduce the child into sexual acts. They choose how to nurture the child into activity that allows them to to believe the child won't tell. They choose times and situations where they have access to the child without the fear of getting caught..

  Child sexual abuse is a well thought out and well planned act.

  If the man you describe was someone I knew there is no way on earth I would leave a child alone with him