Do males get 'grilled' the same way women do?

by Scully 21 Replies latest members adult

• 

  Scully

  There are countless experiences of women, both here on this board and elsewhere on the 'net, of how elders handle judicial hearings for sexual 'misconduct'. There are stories of being grilled by the judicial committees for intimate and often humiliating details of the incident(s), leaving the subject of the hearing emotionally wracked, ashamed, and unable to look these so-called "ministers" in the face. They are often told that if they fail to disclose "everything", it will be construed as an 'unrepentant attitude'.

  While I think it's deplorable for ANYONE to be subjected to this kind of inquisition, I don't recall ever hearing of this kind of thing happen to men who are called before a judicial committee for sexual "misconduct".

  I know of a case where a pioneer sister apparently refused to allow the elders to pry into the details of the incident for which she ended up being disfellowshipped. The pioneer/elder brother who was the other party in the incident was suspended from pioneer and elder service for a year, without having to be disfellowshipped. He, too, declined to divulge details, but because he shed tears when confessing, he was not disfellowshipped, his tears were 'proof enough' of his repentance.

  Does anyone else know whether this disparity in the way men and women are treated by judicial committees is standard practice among JWs? Are men not subjected to the same prying questions and humiliation the way women are?

  Just curious.

  Love, Scully
• 

  Xander

  Funny I never thought of it, but yeah....

  As perhaps the finest proof the elders are doing it do get their kicks, I know of at least three such 'fornication' incidents that had JCs formed in 2 different halls.

  In all cases, the sisters were absolutely GRILLED. Every little detail. Thongs? No thongs? Did you O? How much? Etc.

  The brothers got little, if anything. Certainly not private questions like the above. In fact, one brother denied anything happened, and was left off the hook entirely. The sister involved, however, had her conscience SO deeply troubled, she insisted on confessing. She got DFed for trying to tarnish the reputation of the brother.

  Xander F
  (Unseen Apostate Directorate of North America - Ohio order)

  A fanatic is one who, upon losing sight of his goals, redoubles his efforts.
  --George Santayana
• 

  safe4kids

  Hmmm Scully, somehow this thread wasn't about what I thought it would be

  Interesting comment about his tears being evidence of repentance *gag* When my abuser met with the elders, they too took his tears as a sign of repentance, even tho he had fought tooth and nail not to have to meet with them...and even tho he had 3 victims present that forced him to admit what he'd done. Funny how our tears seemed to mean nothing to the elders; in fact, I guess they were just evidence of my inability to forgive.

  Interesting post Scully.

  Dana
• 

  JT

  only sisters get grilled

  infact some KM instructors have told elders to lay off the detail questions,

  but once you let Fred Ralph and Bubba get in a room with Sister Nice legs the ding dongs go on HIGH ALERT

  sad but too true and too many times

  this is why the problem is THE SYSTEM

  why should some dude called an elder literally be able to ask any quesion he wants to and THE Sister MUST ANSWER or be viewed as hiding something or unrepentant
• 

  Scully

  Thanks Xander, safe4kids and JT for confirming my suspicions.

  If there are any experiences of 'brothers' having to go into the gory details of a sexual encounter during a judicial committee hearing, and being subjected to humiliating, prying, and inappropriate questioning, please respond.

  Love, Scully
• 

  bluesapphire

  I remember being drilled. :(
• 

  jst2laws

  Yikes, I am afraid to comment on this, but I will.

  As I contemplated this issue I discovered some things I wasn't aware of. On the judicial committees on which I served it was rare that a sister got grilled on those details. That may have been because the brothers on the committee knew I would not allow it. But there were many sick elders I knew that I would not trust with a sister. JT is right, the society got wind of the abuses and made a token effort to tone down the intimacy inquisitions.

  What surprised me as I reminisced was that I was involve in very few judicial committees involving fornication on the part of men compared to those where sisters were the subject. I'm not sure if this is a fluke in my personal experience or a trend. I hope my experience is not the norm but would like to hear from others for confirmation.

  Jst2laws
• 

  mommy1

  I was 17 year old girl whenI was grilled about the details of losing my virginity. One Elder rubbed my feet and said certain parts of our feet are connected to other organs of our body. He told me to rub my feet to relieve myself of my problems. The other two elders just sat there. Strange.
• 

  Scully

  mommy1 writes:

  I was 17 year old girl whenI was grilled about the details of losing my virginity. One Elder rubbed my feet and said certain parts of our feet are connected to other organs of our body. He told me to rub my feet to relieve myself of my problems. The other two elders just sat there. Strange.

  He was practicing reflexology on you during the judicial committee meeting. You're right. That's just bizarre. Plus, it was totally inappropriate in that circumstance for him to just do that to you. People go to a reflexologist the same way they go to a doctor: BY APPOINTMENT ONLY.

  At the age of 17, we often have conflicting internal messages about what kind of physical contact is appropriate or not. Being in a stressful situation - such as being the subject of a judicial committee - makes a person more vulnerable. As well, the tendency, in wanting to cooperate to the best of one's ability can make someone compliant in these circumstances, when otherwise they would not. However, I suspect that this elder wouldn't have done the same thing to a male that he did to you.

  These guys simply have to learn to keep it "professional".

  This stuff is really making me angry.

  Love, Scully
• 

  ChristianObserver

  Hello Scully :o)

  I was pondering the same thing! The *impression* I have received from researching the modus operandi of the WTBTS and the accounts I have read from those involved leads me to strongly suspect that the answer to your question would be *No*.

  Whilst I am sure that there are those within the organisation who are really trying to do the best that they are able, the picture that I am building of the *Judicial Committee* system is not one that reveals the WTBTS in a good light.

  I have felt outrage when reading about the humiliating and probing questions posed by a group of men to an unaccompanied sister.

  Would any *brother* treat their *sister* in that way?

  And what would be the reaction of the *father/Jehovah* to such an inquisition?

  Any group of doctors who behaved in that way would be struck off!

  The whole procedure smacks of *sadism* and *auditory voyeurism* imo, rather than love or concern for spiritual well-being.

  What would be the reaction of outsiders if this damaging information became available in the public domain..........?!