Caleb, you are way too serious.
Just read what I wrote: "Jesus might have spoken with a heavy Egyptian accent...His use of obscure parables might also be explained in the fact that he had an Egyptian background... and this might also be explained in the fact that the disciples could not make out what he was saying. ... at some point Jesus' disciples at least tried to compare notes.... If he was charismatic perhaps women were attracted to him first and they found his accent foreign and attractive. The men later just went with to listen because their wives would nag them to go... The disciples later got together to try and figure it out but they never really cleared up matters. Its almost like a Scotsman addressing an American audience. They share a common language but the Americans would not have a real clue what the Scotsman was saying...With John one gets the idea that he might have been ingesting a hallucinogenic of some sort and not paying attention to Jesus at all. Jesus is God and all that and he almost never agrees with the Synoptics. Then when you get to Revelation you know he's on something."
Giving my initial "evidence" I take a lot of disparate sources that give Jesus time period in Egypt. Then I average these values. On what basis did I do that? Where's the rule that you can just average different time values from different sources?
Then I contend that after 4.1 years Jesus would now have an Egyptian accent for the rest of his life. Children will actually adopt the accent of their environment. By 10 or 11 years old Jesus would have been speaking Aramaic like the boy next door.
Then there's the issue of evidence for the decree by Herod for the execution of children below two, for which there is absolutely none.
I really didn't think my "thesis" would be taken seriously, least of all by you.
Unfortunately when you kept on coming I started feeding the flames...
I am sorry.