I was born into The Elastic Fact, Tract & Knock Knock Club, as it is known to some, but most often you will hear them referred to as "the worst thing I've ever been through."I had the typical JW early life of forced compliance by sadistic joy killing narcissists. I learned early on that 'new light' doesn't come from stifled children and there was no suggestion box at my house.
When I was 6 my parents divorced and my mom quickly remarried and we moved from Portland to the Oregon coast. The stepdad soon became an elder and the congo PO. The only welcome thing about the 'dad-swap' was his older brothers.The oldest of these was a funny, gentle giant and genius who taught me to think beyond my thoughts and the things I was taught.
He's the reason I joined this forum. I called him "The Uncle Monster" because he was huge and would attack my brothers and I in our blanket forts. Some of you veterans of this forum knew him as Craig Mills. I believe there are others here who knew him as Onacruise.
I came here because I miss him, and have deep regrets about not keeping closer contact with him. His early passing makes that impossible now. I left the Dub Club years before he did and despite being shunned by everyone I was ever allowed to know, I had special resentment towards Craig, because I expected more from him. He was supposed to try.
As of this year, I have been out longer than i was in. Not one try by any witness. Not one family member or friend. Later when Craig was df-ed, he called me to apologize and we reconciled, but it seemed clear to both of us that the damage this cult does to families had been done to us. We had many great conversations on the phone, but things were different. Our connection had been broken, and I still believed he was indestructible.
My hope is that by interacting with this group, I may find a way to forgive myself for not being there for him, and to better understand where he was in his mind during his last years. I'm not looking for pats on the back and "Don't beat yourself ups". I had no clue what he was going through and thought we had more time. Imagine that. Whether you knew Craig or not, this was the last place he hung out and he loved it here.
As a member of the Ex-JW community, I know we are right to be suspicious of new comers showing up wanting to integrate, while being WT plants and narks, thus the introduction. Feel free to ask/tell me anything you like including verifying who I say I am and I'm sure there are parts of his life you may not have felt comfy asking about. Now when you see me lurking around your forums, you'll at least know what brand of apostate lies I'm shoveling :-D
