Posts by Scully

65

Disfellowshipped but still forced to pay maintenance or alimony

by Markw1509 in

can i ask for your opinion?

i have been disfellowshipped and divorced for a few years.

my ex-wife and my daughter have cut off all contact from me.

Scully

Money is really what JWs worship, despite any claims to the contrary.

The Necessary Family Business™ clause proves it with utmost certainty. If your ex-wife felt so strongly that any influence of yours was so harmful to your child, she wouldn't accept the money, nor would the WTS encourage it. If they were compelled to endure financial hardship for the sake of The Truth™, then the WTS would likely have to set up a fund to assist single parents who divorced on grounds of Spiritual Endangerment™. Your money suits their agenda just fine.

Would you have the right to require an accounting of how the money is spent? Do you get to claim alimony and child support as a tax deduction? I'd get it in writing from the court that the ex must supply you with receipts. You don't want one thin dime going in the Contribution Box™ - all of it must be used for essential expenses, such as clothing, food and shelter.

Are the maintenance payments enough to allow her to not have a job and Pioneer™ instead? If that's the case, then I think a review and possibly a revision of the support order is a reasonable thing to request. Is she making substantial Contributions ™ to the WTS using your support payments to do so? Again a review is in order.

If you do succeed in having the payments decreased, set aside the amount you've saved in a trust fund for your child's education. Tell the court that is your plan. You know the WTS would rather have that money for themselves, and you need to think of your child's long term benefit.

13

Hubby gave me my cross and chain

by KariOtt in

jw
friends

we got home earlier today from celebrating our 7th wedding anniversary.

we had a blast.

walked aroung gatlinberg.

Scully

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

The cycle of violence in domestic abuse

Domestic abuse falls into a common pattern, or cycle of violence:

Abuse – Your abusive partner lashes out with aggressive, belittling, or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show you "who is boss."
Guilt – After abusing you, your partner feels guilt, but not over what he's done. He’s more worried about the possibility of being caught and facing consequences for his abusive behavior.
Excuses – Your abuser rationalizes what he or she has done. The person may come up with a string of excuses or blame you for the abusive behavior —anything to avoid taking responsibility.
"Normal" behavior – The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.
Fantasy and planning – Your abuser begins to fantasize about abusing you again. He spends a lot of time thinking about what you’ve done wrong and how he'll make you pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality.
Set-up – Your abuser sets you up and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing you.

Your abuser’s apologies and loving gestures in between the episodes of abuse can make it difficult to leave. He may make you believe that you are the only person who can help him, that things will be different this time, and that he truly loves you. However, the dangers of staying are very real.

The Full Cycle of Domestic Violence: An Example

A man abuses his partner. After he hits her, he experiences self-directed guilt. He says, "I'm sorry for hurting you." What he does not say is, "Because I might get caught." He then rationalizes his behavior by saying that his partner is having an affair with someone. He tells her "If you weren't such a worthless whore I wouldn't have to hit you." He then acts contrite, reassuring her that he will not hurt her again. He then fantasizes and reflects on past abuse and how he will hurt her again. Heplans on telling her to go to the store to get some groceries. What he withholds from her is that she has a certain amount of time to do the shopping. When she is held up in traffic and is a few minutes late, he feels completely justified in assaulting her because "you're having an affair with the store clerk." He has just set her up.

Source: Mid-Valley Women's Crisis Service

5

Priest accused of offering Cleveland Metroparks ranger $50 for sex

by Scott77 in

.

james mcgonegal above now faces a a third-degree felony because he also admitted he knows he has hiv.

read more: http://www.newsnet5.com/dpp/news/local_news/cleveland_metro/priest-offers-cleveland-metroparks-ranger-50-for-sex-admits-he-has-hiv-park-spokesperson-says#ixzz2htzsjtv7.

Scully

effing bastard.

put him in jail.

he won't last long there.

39

Oops I did it again. Another mistake

by KariOtt in

jw
friends

so it seems i made another mistake.

i expressed negative feelings to my hubby.

i'm not allowed to express anything but positive emotions.

Scully

A more up-to-date website with details to help identify if you are in an abusive relationship:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

39

Oops I did it again. Another mistake

by KariOtt in

jw
friends

so it seems i made another mistake.

i expressed negative feelings to my hubby.

i'm not allowed to express anything but positive emotions.

Scully

perfect1:

It's not actually an exhaustive list. I've kept it for well over a decade - so things like cell phones, social media and internet use are not addressed.

I would certainly include something to the effect of "compelling her to delete social media pages, blogs, etc. that he does not approve of" and any other bullying behaviour.

One of my biggest concerns is the social isolation he and his relatives are trying to impose. That is part and parcel of the BITE Model of Cult Indoctrination: Behaviour Control, Information Control, Thought Control and Emotional Control. If a person can be isolated, it helps to facilitate cult manipulation and indoctrination.

39

Oops I did it again. Another mistake

by KariOtt in

jw
friends

so it seems i made another mistake.

i expressed negative feelings to my hubby.

i'm not allowed to express anything but positive emotions.

Scully

This is a list that I use at work in situations where I suspect a patient might be in an abusive relationship. Take from it what you will, take note of the points that apply.

The Eight Types of Abuse

These lists of abuse are based on one made by men who were describing how they controlled or harmed their wives or girlfriends. Remember, a single act may not be abuse. But if someone is doing something to harm or control you ... then, YES, it is abuse. You have the right to be treated with respect and to feel safe in your home.

* Indicates acts which are clearly criminal, or may be criminal depending on the circumstances.

Emotional/Psychological/Verbal Abuse

making her do illegal things*
false accusations
name calling, finding fault
yelling
intimidation
making her think she's crazy or stupid
overpowering her emotions
disbelieving her
bringing up old issues
inappropriate expressions of jealousy
degrading her
turning a situation against her
brainwashing her
laughing in her face
silence
refusing to do things with or for her
insisting on always getting his own way
pressuring her
neglecting her
expecting her to conform to a role
real or suggested involvement with other women
making her feel guilty
certain mannerisms (eg, snapping fingers, pointing)
threatening to get drunk or stoned unless ...
manipulating her
starting arguments
withholding affection
not sharing in household chores as punishment
never really forgiving, holding grudges
lying
treating her as a child
having a double standard for her
saying one thing, meaning another
denying or taking away her responsibilities
not keeping commitments
threatening her with loss of immigration status
deliberately creating a mess for her to clean up
threatening to report her to the authorities
making her drop charges
telling woman-hating jokes
minimizing her work or contribution
pressuring her to stay around during drug or alcohol abuse
not coming home
displaying woman-hating or violent pictures
egging her on, challenging her to physical violence
coming home drunk or stoned
friendship or support of men who are abusive
demanding an accounting of her time/routine
taking advantage of her fear of something
ridiculing her preference in foods
threatening suicide unless ...

Emotional abuse around reproduction, pregnancy and childbirth

refusing to allow or forcing her to use contraception
forcing her to have an abortion
refusing sex on the grounds that her pregnant body is ugly
denial that the child is his
refusing to support her during the pregnancy
refusing to support her during the birth
denying her access to her newborn child
not supporting her or helping out after she comes home with the baby
demanding sex after childbirth
blaming her because the infant is the "wrong" sex
refusing to allow her to breastfeed
pouting, sulking or making her feel bad for time spent with the baby

Environmental Abuse

In the home

harming pets*
ripping clothing*
locking her in or out*
throwing away or destroying her possessions*
slamming doors
throwing objects, food
taking the phones or denying her use of the phones
punching walls
mowing over her garden

In the vehicle

driving too fast*
driving recklessly, pounding the steering wheel*
driving while intoxicated*
forcing her into a vehicle*
pushing her out of a vehicle when it's in motion*
threatening to kill her by driving off a bridge, into and oncoming car, etc.*
chasing or hitting her with a vehicle*
killing her in a deliberate accident*
prohibiting her from using a vehicle by tampering with the engine, chaining the steering wheel, taking the keys, etc.
putting his foot over hers on the gas pedal
hitting her while she's driving
grabbing the steering wheel while she's driving

Social Abuse

controlling what she does, who she sees, who she talks to, what she reads, where she goes
not passing on messages
put downs or ignoring her in public
not allowing her access to family or friends
interfering with her family or friends
change of personality with others
being rude to her friends or relatives
dictating her mode of dress
dictating her behaviour
habitually choosing friends, activities or work rather than being with her
making a "scene" in public
making her account for herself
censoring her mail
treating her like a servant
not giving her space or privacy
insisting on accompanying her into the doctor's office

Using children

assaulting her in front of the children*
initiating false child abuse charges against her
making her stay at home with the children
teaching children to abuse mother through name calling, hitting, etc.
embarrassing her in front of the children
not sharing responsibility for the children
threatening to abduct the children or telling her she'll never get custody
putting down her parenting ability

During separation or divorce

buying the children with expensive gifts
not showing up on time to pick up children or not having them back on time
pumping children for information about boyfriends, etc.
telling children that Mom is responsible for breaking up the family
using children to transport messages (sending notes home to Mom in their suitcases)
denying her access to the children
not giving a valid phone number

Financial abuse

taking her money*
forging her name*
giving her false receipts
cancelling her insurance
sabotaging her efforts to attain economic freedom
withholding money
spending money foolishly or beyond means
pressuring her to take full responsibility for finances
not paying fair share of bills
not spending money on special occasions (birthdays, etc.)
spending on addictions, gambling, sexual services
pressuring or controlling her working conditions
preventing her from taking a job

Ritual abuse

mutiliation*
animal mutilation*
forced cannibalism*
human sacrifices*
suggesting or promoting suicide
forcing her to participate in rituals
forcing her to witness rituals

Physical abuse

any unwanted physical contact*
kicking, punching or pinching her*
pulling or pushing her*
slapping, hitting or shaking her*
cutting or burning her*
pulling her hair*
head butting*
squeezing her hand or twisting her arm*
choking or smothering her*
force feeding her*
spitting on her*
throwing her*
throwing things at her*
hitting her with objects or whipping her*
restraining her in any way*
tying her up*
urinating on her*
breaking her bones*
knifing or shooting her, murder*
threatening to kill or injure her*
ignoring her illness or injury
denying or restricting her food or drink
pressuring or tricking her into alcohol or drug use
standing too close/intimidating her
hiding or withholding necessary medication

Sexual abuse

any unwanted sexual contact*
forcing her to have sex, hounding her to have sex*
forcing her to have sex with others*
forcing her to have sex with animals*
uttering threats to obtain sex*
pinching, slapping, grabbing or poking her breasts or genitals*
forcing sex when she's sick, after childbirth or surgery*
sleeping around
knowingly transmitting sexual diseases
treating her as a sex object
being rough
pressuring her to pose for pornographic photos
displaying pornography that makes her feel uncomfortable
using sex as a basis for an argument
using sex as a solution for an argument
criticizing her sexual ability
unwanted fondling in public
purposely not washing and expecting sex
name calling (whore, slut, frigid, bitch)
accusations of affairs
degrading her body parts
sexual jokes
sexual comments in public
demanding sex for alcohol or drugs
demanding sex as payment or trade
administering drugs or alcohol for sexual advantage
insisting on checking her body for sexual contact

Religious abuse

using religion to justify abuse or dominance
using church position to pressure for sex or favours
using her, then demanding forgiveness
giving higher priority to religion and religious activities above family or couple activities
excessive spending on religion
interpreting religion to his advantage and/or her disadvantage
preventing her from attending church
requiring sex acts or drug use as religious acts
mocking her beliefs

39

Oops I did it again. Another mistake

by KariOtt in

jw
friends

so it seems i made another mistake.

i expressed negative feelings to my hubby.

i'm not allowed to express anything but positive emotions.

Scully

By the way, if it wasn't a Disfellowshipping Offense™ for your husband to attend another church, then why wasn't he there to support you on your special day?

39

Oops I did it again. Another mistake

by KariOtt in

jw
friends

so it seems i made another mistake.

i expressed negative feelings to my hubby.

i'm not allowed to express anything but positive emotions.

Scully

The Elders' Manual™ called Pay Attention to Yourselves and All the Flock (1991 edition), on page 91 defines Apostasy this way:

Apostasy
Apostasy is a standing away from, a falling away, defection, rebellion, abandonment ; it involves teaching false doctrines, supporting or promoting false religion and its holidays or interfaith activities. (Deut . 13 :13, 15 ; Josh. 22 :22, ftn . ; Acts 21 :21, ftn. ; 2 Cor. 6 :14, 15, 17, 18 ; 2 John 7, 9, 10 ; Rev . 18 :4)

Attending another church to witness someone's baptism into that church would be construed as "supporting ... false religion" and "interfaith activity". It would be considered an act of Apostasy™, and would be considered a Disfellowshipping Offense™.

It also applies to weddings, christenings, funerals, and other rites of passage that take place in a house of worship.

39

Oops I did it again. Another mistake

by KariOtt in

jw
friends

so it seems i made another mistake.

i expressed negative feelings to my hubby.

i'm not allowed to express anything but positive emotions.

Scully

You are being abused. You have the right to your opinion. You have the right to express your opinion. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise or punishes you for your free expressions is abusive.

Ask them if what you posted was true or false. You know it's true. They know it's true. Why are they so afraid of other people knowing the truth about what they believe?? Don't let them get away with saying it was "disrespectful" - it's the truth. It is what it is, there's no disrespect in truth. Perhaps they cannot tolerate having the truth about them known on a public forum such as Facebook.

I wouldn't have deleted my Facebook account over them. I would have unfriended or blocked them instead, so you can be free to speak your opinion without reprisal.

And one other thing - I would cancel the Bible Study™ with the Elder™ and his Pioneer™ wife. There needs to be some consequences for the way they are mistreating you.

53

Do you make your own soup?

by compound complex in

jw
friends

greetings, soup lovers:.

i have a huge kitchen at my disposal (not my own); vegetables, cans of this and that and spices are scattered about, prepared to go into a cauldron of minestrone i started a few days ago.

i'm preparing ahead so as to freeze the leftovers to heat up later at home over my hotplate.. nothing like a 6-burner gas range to simmer over!.

Scully

So, CoCo, I was thinking about you yesterday while I was making a pot of chicken stock for meatball and kale soup.

I was wondering if you have a crock pot - it would be really a great tool for you to make a nice chicken (with some veg and potatoes) for a weekend dinner, then you could put the carcass and a couple of carrots, celery stalks and onions in the crock pot with some water to make your stock overnight, and then use it to make soup the following day. Your room would be filled with a wonderful aroma, and your fridge / freezer would have the best homemade soup in town in it. If I could pick one small appliance to have, it would be a crock pot... you can make just about anything in one.