Posts by Cindy

25

Stuck

by Cindy in

i feel so stuck.

i am married to a wonderful man.

i have been married for almost a decade and adore my husband.

Thanks everyone for understanding and the advice. It's a tough one. If I did anything it would be a very slow fade. For the last few years I have been decreasing ministry time. I go out 4-5 hours a month max. My husband doesn't push me to do more thankfully. It is also time for me to go off the ministry school. I can't fake it anymore. I rarely comment at meetings. We are moving soon, so I just won't join up on the school. (Easy!).

My husband isn't serving. He was an MS at one point early on in our marriage. His brother was disfellowshipped a few years back and my husband just doesn't have it in him to serve, it affected him deeply. His brother did some terrible things, and is still doing drugs/is an alcoholic and treated his ex wife and friends/family terribly. I didn't like him before or after all of this went down, he just isn't a nice person and has been awful to my husband too, once threatening to kill him. My husband has minimal contact with his brother, but what went down broke his heart. My husband is the kindest person I know. His parents are controlling and still ask him why he isn't serving as an MS. My husband had to tell them to stop asking. They are very evangelical and preachy. My parents are just happy we are happy and have a strong marriage. Thankfully we live close to many dear friends, and not my inlaws! They mean well, and are doing what they know to be best. They are helicopter parents.

As for me, I have an independent spirit. I believe in being a good person, kind and true to myself. Rules are hard for me, unless they make absolute sense. INTJ female here.

i suppose it will be a journey. For now I want to support my husband, less than I used to, but still provide some support and attend meetings with him. I am not sure whether or not i believe in God, but if it weren't for JW religion I would never have met my husband, for that I'm forever grateful.

thanks everyone. It helps to know I'm not the only one out there with this struggle. It makes me think many fellow attendees at the Kingdom Hall are perhaps having the same internal struggle. I think I can now tell who they are.

25

Stuck

by Cindy in

i feel so stuck.

i am married to a wonderful man.

i have been married for almost a decade and adore my husband.

Cindy

I feel so stuck. I am married to a wonderful man. I have been married for almost a decade and adore my husband. We are both witnesses. He is devout. Any issues that come up, he sits down and prays with me, finds answers in the bible and is mild in his approach. We talk everything through.

we both grew up as witnesses. My husband in a strict JW family. Mine were not so strict. I started pioneering at 20 years old and was a textbook nice spiritual young sister. We met in our mid 20s and married after a couple of years.

i started having doubts in my late 20s. I would try to ignore the doubts and tried to pray for spirituality and help on overcoming my doubts. I have felt bored at meetings and conventions/assemblies for years. At our most recent I didn't take any notes and barely clapped. My husband knows I'm struggling with my belief in a god. He is very kind and understanding.

I have no time for angry anti-JW comments. JWs are kind people. It's more that I don't believe it's the truth. I feel stuck in this life. I can leave my friends and ones I know. But It will break my heart disappointing my husband. I feel like I signed up to support him spiritually. I am one of the lucky ones in life having found love, but it's at a cost. I'm not being true to myself.

i feel depressed and like I am being fake in life. My husband is visiting family overseas right now. I'm taking it as a holiday from meetings. Will call in sick for the talk I'm meant to give this week.

if I slow fade it will take me years. Has anyone else had to deal with this? Or are in my situation?