Xena, good contrast! The reason I stopped believing was that I had stopped associating with my disf/disa survivor siblings because of my faith and when I fell from grace and was clearly needing a shrink instead of a spanking, the same thing was going to happen to me-- it opened my eyes to the humanity of my siblings. They were going through growing pains and not the evil they were made out to be. It was a painful, yet humbling experience.
So my shipwreck of faith did not happen as they would have people believe, because I was bitter about the way the Elders handled the abuse, or so that I could become a flamboyant fag and commit gross acts with others. It was simply because I realized these mere mortals know not of what they speak. They have no comprehension of the affects of sexual abuse. They are as human as the rest of us.
morrisamb
JoinedPosts by morrisamb
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Molested? Forget it, "and think good thoug...
by Nemesis injust forget youve been molested, its no big deal according to the watchtower.
one woman who was having problems because she had been a victim of incest over many years went to the elders in the congregation to discuss her problem.
they told me to forget about it, she reports.
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morrisamb
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Molested? Forget it, "and think good thoug...
by Nemesis injust forget youve been molested, its no big deal according to the watchtower.
one woman who was having problems because she had been a victim of incest over many years went to the elders in the congregation to discuss her problem.
they told me to forget about it, she reports.
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morrisamb
Dear Jacinta, What a horrible thing for you to go through. People can be very extremely insensitive. After about the 1000nd time, you realize it's time to get out some armour to protect yourself because you are the most important person in this scenario. Others don't spend a second on your feelings after saying unkind remarks.
I wouldn't stand in the same presence of my molestor no matter what and he has used his younger children as bait to try and re-establish a connection. The only time I've been in the same room as him in 20 years is the last time I saw him--in court!!
I know people who've had coffee with my rapist over the years. Do I think it is insensitive and grossly inappropriate (an understatement) -- you got it. But unfortunately, that is the way it is and I can't control other peoples' behaviour. What I have absolute control over --and this is so important-- is my little world, my space. Survivors need to create a safe environment for themselves at whatever cost. For me, self-righteous 'christians' of whatever flavour, get out of my face... -
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Some Antis are just as bad as JW's
by DIM inspecifically i am talking about the "apostates" or antis who plaster cars or send people things in the mail with the truth about "the truth".
to me, this seems exactly like the jw's banging on doors on a saturday morning.
exactly the same thing, just from the other end.
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morrisamb
Excellent, open-minded thread.
I visit and post on this site because to an extent the posters are open-minded and not hate-oriented. If this was called Jehovah's Witness apostate.com, forget it.
My introduction to the word apostate was in the 70's when my abusive father left the Witnesses and became an apostate. He was and is unbelievable..throughout the last 26 years, 4 wives later, 4 children later, he has devoted himself to reaching Jehovah's Witnesses. Now, you couldn't find a more corupt, evil person whose trail of wreckage has devastated many lives.
So you can understand why I don't want to identify myself with him.
I am interested in truth, free speech, openness. If a Witness wants to ask me what I think, I tell them, are you sure you can handle it?
But I'm never going to initiate the conversation, nor would I picket, yell, scream, attack Witnesses in any forum. All that happened to me when I was a Witness and it just convinced me I was in the true religion. Love, kindness, true Christian acts..that can move mountains...just my thoughts. I respect yours... -
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Molested? Forget it, "and think good thoug...
by Nemesis injust forget youve been molested, its no big deal according to the watchtower.
one woman who was having problems because she had been a victim of incest over many years went to the elders in the congregation to discuss her problem.
they told me to forget about it, she reports.
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morrisamb
Since I never read ANY religious material of any kind of any religion...since '84, thanks for your research.
I remember reading articles on incest in the magazines in the early 80's though as my family was dealing with our private hell. I ALWAYS FELT LIKE I WAS READING an imaginary Leave It To Beaver episode: I couldn't relate in any way, but it sure looked wonderful. Ward was a loving father who's only game with his children involved basketball...now that was a fantasy for me.
Unfortunately the reality was far different...so when I read these quotes below I flashed back to old feelings, the thoughtless things people said.
"They may help her to reason on this by gently asking questions such as, “Is your anger helping you or is it harming you? By letting anger affect you so much, are you still letting him influence your life? Do you really think he has got away with something? Is not Jehovah the Judge even of those who commit crimes in secret?”—
I heard that a thousand times. Before I even dealt with abuse on any level, I was told to not let my anger control my life. God will take care of it in the end. Oh yeah, unfortunately, my abuser went on to produce more children to abuse, married more wives to control, and now preaches from a born-again's mantle. Things that make you go hmmm...
Nevertheless, the ties that bind families can be strong, and you may not want to cut off all contact with your parents. You may even be willing to consider a reconciliation. . . . Victims are sometimes inclined to forgive their parents outright. . . Preferring to avoid an emotional confrontation, some are content to ‘have their say in their heart’ and let matters rest.—Psalm 4:4. . . . For example, your father might acknowledge the abuse, expressing deep remorse. He may also have made sincere efforts to change, perhaps by getting treatment for alcohol addiction or by pursuing a study of the Bible. Your mother may likewise beg your forgiveness for her having failed to protect you. Sometimes a full reconciliation may result. . . . At the very least, though, you may be able to resume reasonable family dealings.—[
This shows no insight into the situation whatsoever. Subliminally suggesting reconciliation? Alcohol addiction: the scapegoat of all scapegoats! Begging forgiveness? Molesters are the biggest actor/con artists going. But yeah, there's a succor born every minute.
All of this just validates my belief that religion should get out of the crime solving business. Send the abuse situation to the police where it belongs (even though we know even that doesn't guarantee a perfect ending!). If the Elders report every case of suspected child abuse to agencies such as Children's Aid Society (Canada), are they not also protecting the congregation, the community, the world?
It's time religion(S) get with the program. Abuse is a crime! Stop considering it just a sin!
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morrisamb
Hey deadalus, you should see my partner's third apendage! Eat your heart out...
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Where to order memoir about Sexual abuse & ...
by morrisamb infor those interested in my memoir about sexual abuse and faith, father's touch, -- this is the link to my publisher's book store, thanks, donald.
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http://www.pdbookstore.com/healingrecovery.htm
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morrisamb
For those interested in my memoir about sexual abuse and faith, Father's Touch, -- this is the link to my publisher's book store, Thanks, Donald
http://www.pdbookstore.com/HealingRecovery.htm -
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Silent Lambs and The Wisdom of The WTBTS
by Siddhashunyata inquestion.......from the stand point of the wtbts would it have been wiser to spread out their judicial notifications say over a couple of months or more?
ie.. bill bowen in january, barbara anderson in march etc.
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morrisamb
There ain't nobody on the planet who will agree with The Witnesses on this one except the Witnesses.
I've been in these 4 peoples' shoes before...20 years ago I was told the only way I could switch halls (for my sanity, and that of my family) was is if I agreed there were no problems with the way our situation was handled. I said whatever it took to escape! [No wonder I ended up with an acting career]
Now, you wouldn't catch me dead or alive sitting in front of some men telling me how I should feel, what I should say, and how I should revise my interpretation.
People have the power if you give it to them. -
Newspaper blurb
by morrisamb ini am such a ditz that i didn't figure out how to post a new topic until today!
anyways, the paper in my area ran this blurb on monday.. thanks for reading it..... eric bunnell, st. thomas times journal, may 5, 2002 .
surviving the game with courage : update .
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morrisamb
Hi! I am such a ditz that I didn't figure out how to post a new topic until today! Anyways, the paper in my area ran this blurb on Monday.
Thanks for reading it....Eric Bunnell, St. Thomas Times Journal, May 5, 2002
Surviving The Game with courage : UpdateAnd Donald D'Haene on other end of the telephone line...
Faithful reader will recall an entry in late November in this corner, a mention of Father's Touch, the extraordinary memoir by Donald about the sexual abuse, he and three siblings suffered for years at the hand of their father. It was called The Game and their escape to survivorship. His book is soon ready. It's to be published in a few weeks.
Donald being Donald -- a man whose dictionary seems to have no entry for no, other than try harder.
He has amassed a huge number of prepublication reviews from as far away as India. They are as favourable as Donald's book is powerful. People Column is getting a sneak preview of the galley proofs.
Snippets of the notices are posted to www.fatherstouch.com and
prepublication orders may be made through Oxford Book Store in London or at http://www.fatherstouch.com/Order.htm -
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PRESS- Silentlambs-More to Follow---
by silentlambs in, http://www.courier-journal.com/localnews/2002/05/08/ke050802s203205.htm.
jehovah's witnesses act against abuse-policy critics .
by peter smith .
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morrisamb
Dear Reader(Airmail)
I will only comment on your point about so many victims not reporting.
You might be interested in this column I wrote on the subject: (this will appear in part of a larger column in the Gay & Lesbian World Review -May issue on abuse and the church.)
Why Victims Don’t Tell
As a survivor of sexual abuse, what strikes me as most ironic is the fact that male victims still remain nameless: ashamed of their experience even now, in 2002. Why should male victims be ashamed when our numbers are legion?
It's time we talk openly about child abuse and its prevention. But the fact is that men are ashamed of disclosing their experience with sexual abuse. They shouldn't be.
Even today, as we watch the Catholic priest scandal unfold and legions of boys come forward to report abuse that occurred years or decades ago, most of the victims of sexual abuse—especially males—are reluctant to tell what happened to them. Why should this be the case?
Since 1982, the year in which I and four other victims charged our abuser in court, scores of men have confided their history of sexual abuse to me. Yet few have gone public with their story.
A more pressing question is why victims don’t report the abuse while it’s going on. For boys at least, perhaps the most common reason is the culturally imposed shame they experience when the contact is homosexual. While most victims are not gay, the very fact that they were targeted for abuse somehow raises questions about their masculinity. Beyond that, victims of sexual abuse, however innocent of wrongdoing themselves, are often made to feel like “damaged goods” by the larger community. Thus, for example, after hearing about our case an otherwise sympathetic minister [Elder] recommended that I change my name, “because there is a bad sound to it now. It’s connected to the abuser. People will think of him, not of you as his victim.”
As the current crisis in the Catholic Church will reveal, a powerful institution can stand as a formidable barrier to the disclosure of unpleasant little secrets such as sexual abuse. In our case, even after the situation had come to the attention of our mother, the family was reluctant to rock the boat by setting in motion the Witnesses’ top-heavy judicial apparatus. To report our abuse would have involved the Children’s Aid Society, which would have removed us from our father’s reach—but where would we have ended up then?
Our society cultivates feelings of shame in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. Often an abuser is enabled to continue molesting by members of the community. Although our father was excommunicated by the congregation and our mother was publicly reproved for not reporting the incidents to the ministers earlier, we four children were sent back home with our abuser.
Therefore, although the congregation was protected, the abuser's children and the public at large were not. From the disclosures other victims have shared with me, my experience is not unusual in this regard.
Another reason for silence is a concern for the feelings of the extended family. But I suggest disclosure may lessen the feelings of shame. Sometimes victims must listen to their abuser being praised as a fine pillar in the community. Silence perpetuates abuse.
I am not suggesting that court proceedings will not prove daunting. I have learned justice is a relative term.....
Survival is a never-ending process. Our society still tries to silence victims. My abuser writes me: "It appears (I) am the only one whose lifestyle reflects that of the Almighty...I forgive you for all that you have done to me." But I encourage fellow victims and survivors to take charge of their destiny. Come forward, seek help and healing. For those who have the strength, fortitude and peer support, consider telling your story and seek legal counsel now. It is only by publicly bonding that we can truly feel we are not alone, not to blame and do not need to continue feeling shame. -
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PRESS RELEASE
by silentlambs inplease distribute freely to press.. silentlambs.
tuesday, may 7. .
jehovah's witnesses begin excommunicating child sexual abuse whistleblowers .
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morrisamb
Oh my god, It's like the boss is calling you into a meeting and you're going to get fired! Betcha some on the committee are nervous; the other half feels like they are on The Mod Squad!
God do those letters bring back memmories...