When the whole Heaven's Gate thing went down, I saw a video of those who joined. I remember thinking that many of them had somewhat of a normal existence before they joined the cult, but now they were spouting crazy stuff in all seriousness. What scared me at the time was that I wondered if that is how people looked at me. It was one of those thoughts that you push into the back of your mind because you don't want to believe that you yourself are in a cult. I'm not like them, I'd never eat poisoned pudding!!
I joined at a young age. I was a shy person and I was pulled in by the love and acceptance. And everyone seemed so happy and friendly. It didn't seem crazy like those other cults. It was only after years of growth, maturity, learning, and observation that I came to realize that I indeed had gotten sucked into an off-centered world, and that crazy comes in many forms. No, I was not asked to eat poisoned pudding, but I gave up my life all the same. But, by then, I was in too deep.
I do consider myself a normal person, but one who fell for a con. Yes, I had my years of blindly following and now I look back and wonder how I could have taken such a leave of my senses. I think it's partly because of the 'keep them busy' game. You get so involved in all the activities you don't have time to think. But one day I did, and I woke up. And I think those that do or who know that something is wrong, even if they stay for family reasons like me, are the only normal ones left.