Ok, this is not my request, my boyfriend's roommate was sitting next to me while I was reading this and he said his last meal request would be a women--LMAO!!!!
Posts by Jesika
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15food for thought
by ballistic in.
here's some light reading for you.... http://www.tdcj.state.tx.us/stat/finalmeals.htm.
i was wondering if anybody ordered "to go"..
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86
My Story.......
by Jesika inwell, i talk about my abuse so much i haven't found the need to post it.
i guess i will post it now so i can write it once and not have to keep writing it over and over again.
well, my eariliest memory is of being punished.
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Jesika
Thank you all for your encouraging words and support.
Big TX--I was at work last night so I didn't call, sorry, I will try to call you. I work again tonite so I will try or I will email you.
TO EVERYONE----I don't consider myself brave at all. I posted this to maybe help others or to give those a little insite in where I am coming from. I learned to survive in this situation and had to learn early how to lie in my father's face to hopefully not get caught doing anything wrong for fear of his anger. This was my reality, and my family, so I am not wanting any praise for this. I only did what I thought I had to, since the final beating I recieved at 15, I knew I had to leave cause I wasn't sure I would survive another attack like that. I was afraid he would choose to do it again when noone was home. I only did what basic survival instinct made me do. This was not bravery, this was survival. In my opinion bravery would have been going to the police when I still had the bruises to prove he had beaten me, but I was afraid. I consider those who take a stand in the face of fear--to be brave. I only stood up when I left, but at 15 this was the only way I knew how was to run away. This is something I still fight with, when things start going bad, I run. I am still working through alot of this but wanted to share only a few instances that I can never forgot. I hope to share more later.
I am a survivor and want to help others who need me.
Love,
Jesika
Edited by - Jesika on 2 October 2002 13:24:0
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86
My Story.......
by Jesika inwell, i talk about my abuse so much i haven't found the need to post it.
i guess i will post it now so i can write it once and not have to keep writing it over and over again.
well, my eariliest memory is of being punished.
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Jesika
TR---i have wondered the same thing for yrs. Having a child of my own now, just the thought of it happening, much less me seeing it with my own eyes----I would be in prison for murder for sure!!!!
Lin----I know exactly what you mean, *passing Lin a beer*, funny you said that after I wrote this I got a beer for myself.
Out---thanx honey, loved meeting you and everyone too.
Well, gotta run guys I start my new job in an hr and have to get gas etc before I get there.
Hugs to all
Jes
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14
Asking For Evidence=Scorn & Ridicule?
by Valis ini've been trying to maintain a middle ground amid all the threads where certain allegations of abuse have been questioned and i have a couple questions for everyone and a few observations.
first is asking for evidence of abuse tanamount to scorn and ridicule?
are outward manifestations of abuse enought to convince you?
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Jesika
Valis,
You are a good friend and listener. Thank you for being there for me when I needed to talk or cry--usually both.
I agree with what you have stated. I personally dont feel I have to prove anything, but I am also a doer and not a talker.
I finally posted my story----- http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=37768&site=3
edited to include link.
Edited by - Jesika on 1 October 2002 17:17:26
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Welcome Lawrence !
by Simon ingood to see you online bud .
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=37734&page=2&site=3#511186.
wish it was in happier circumstances
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Jesika
Welcome Lawrence!!!!!!!!!! We are ALL so happy to have as part of our family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you ever need us we will ALWAYS be here for you.
Love,
Jesika
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86
My Story.......
by Jesika inwell, i talk about my abuse so much i haven't found the need to post it.
i guess i will post it now so i can write it once and not have to keep writing it over and over again.
well, my eariliest memory is of being punished.
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Jesika
Footprints---yes he remained an elder after this and yrs after this. The reason why he was removed or stepped "aside" or down whatever---is because he had an affair with another married sister in the cong. He broke up two families, the other sister---now my step mom has a daughter. He recently told me he was angry they would not give his privs back.
I am still shaking from writing this. I think it is because it took so long to write, then again I had to go get a beer, so maybe not.
Thank you all for your support, if I can help anyone who needs it PLEASE let me know.
I have emailed all the new ones from silentlambs since the 27th and have had a responce in return by all of them.
Edited by - Jesika on 1 October 2002 16:31:47
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86
My Story.......
by Jesika inwell, i talk about my abuse so much i haven't found the need to post it.
i guess i will post it now so i can write it once and not have to keep writing it over and over again.
well, my eariliest memory is of being punished.
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Jesika
Thank you everyone.
Lilacs---I did report them, but my sister was scared--rightly so she was still living at home. I was held prisoner in my house or they covered everything with make-up so noone could see the bruises. By the time I got away they were gone, so they put me in foster care and he is on record of having the accusation.
Erica--thanks for the email addy, I was kicking myself for not getting it from you. We had a blast and I was soooooooooo glad I got to tell you in person how much your interview on dateline meant to me.
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86
My Story.......
by Jesika inwell, i talk about my abuse so much i haven't found the need to post it.
i guess i will post it now so i can write it once and not have to keep writing it over and over again.
well, my eariliest memory is of being punished.
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Jesika
Well, I talk about my abuse so much I haven't found the need to post it. I guess I will post it now so I can write it once and not have to keep writing it over and over again. Forgive me for approaching this lightly,but that is how I have been dealing with it for yrs.
Well, my eariliest memory is of being punished. I was about 3 or 4 in Chicago, and remember getting spanked even then. I remember walking to the KH when it was very cold--snow and stuff on the ground.
Next, I remember driving to TX. My family moved in to my grandparents house untill we found a place of our own. My uncle Keith was in charge of babysitting me and my younger sister Charice (she is 2yrs younger). I know this happened more than once, but this particular day I remember as if it was yesterday--I never forgot it.
I was 4 and my uncle had taken my sister and I outside to play. My uncle would lay me on my stomach in frount of him and he would molest me, yes in frount of my sister. I don't know if she ever looked, she was only 2 so I don't think she remembers if she did or not. Anyways, he would refer to this as tickling. I was very ticklish as a child and I wondered why it didn't tickle, but it did feel "funny". My father came home early that day, or my uncle lost track of time, no sure which. Well, my father walked outside and caught him molesting me. My uncle was startled and pulled his hands away from my shorts. I remember my father's face was beet red. He yelled at ME and told me to go inside. I don't know what was said outside, but the next thing I know I am in the back bedroom (my parents room) with my grandparents and parents all standing over me. I was scared and thought I had done something terribly wrong. Then my father in a harsh tone asked me to point and show everyone where Keith was touching me. I remember to this day the feeling of humiliation that came with that command. I didn't want to do it, but you never told my father no. So, I looked down, spread my legs, and pointed. My father looked at my grandfather (he was the PO in the cong) and they both left the room abruptly. My mother gasped and put her hand over her mouth when I pointed. The next thing I know I am being excorted to the bathroom we were not aloud to go into (my grandparents bathroom). I still remember my grandmother's panty hose hanging on a line across the top of the tub. I was then scrubbed sooooooooo hard it hurt, like I had something on me that wouldn't come off. I thought this was odd cause it wasn't my bath time and my sister always bathed with me.
I don't know how much time passed, but I remember my father coming to me and telling me Keith's microphone priv was taken away, and he was no longer aloud to be alone with me or my sister anymore. I said ok and didn't understand why.
Over the years, I always had a funny feeling around my uncle. I would have flashbacks or nightmares and was told it was in the past, so leave it there--or it was an attempt on my part to get extra attention.
I was beaten ALL the time by my parents, mainly my father. Even over things as small as not brushing my teeth within 5min of being told to. I had been biting my fingernails around the time I was molested, and contiued to as I got older (still do). My father had this "great idea" to stop my sister and I from bitting our nails. He announced that every Friday he would check our nails for growth, and if he saw none than he would give us 5 licks with the leather belt. Every week he saw no growth it would increase 5 more. So, it went like this--one wk 5, next wk 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 36 was my final week. By this time he was pissed off it hadn't worked. Oh, forgot to mention I was 14 at the time and this was done with our pants and underwear off or down. I was FULLY developed by this point. Very humiliating.
The pressure was on to get baptized and like I said before you never said no to my father. So, I took the test--passed and was to be baptized at the circut assembly. The more I thought about it the more I was looking forward to it. I could be baptized and get myself disfellowshiped!!! I found a way out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I went into the water with every intention of getting disfellowshiped. I was miserable. Well, since my father was an elder and reg pioneer, anytime he couldn't control me I was before a judical committee. I must have been to about 9 of them before I was 15. It only took me 9 months to get my chance at being disfellowshiped. My mother walked in my room, without knocking (I was 15 at this point) and saw a hickey on my chest. I swore up and down it was a "bruise". Well, they didn't believe me, and I wouldn't budge on this in frount of the elders. I didn't cry or show any remorse---why? I wasn't sorry. The district convention was only days away, so they decided to wait for the decision after the convention. I already knew what the judgement was, I had been to enough of these meetings to tell. So, while at the district convention I went around telling everyone good-bye. When asked why I told them I would be df'd after the convention. Most thought I was kidding---well, now they no I wasn't.
When I was given the judgement, I didn't cry or anything, I just said ok. Then when I left the room it all hit me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had just lost everyone and everything I ever knew!!!!!!!! Then I cried, alot. I demanded to be at the Kingdom Hall for my announcement. My mother and I recently talked about that night, and she said I held my head high the whole time--I dont remember that, but I didnt feel bad that night.
After my announcement, my father sat down with me one night and told me I was still his daughter and he still loved me no matter what. He told me I didn't have to go to the meetings if I didn't want to. Well, that proved to be a big fat lie, I was forced to go to everyone of them, and had to sit there in silence as they chit chatted with everyone after the meeting. I had gone to that cong since I was 4, and they would just walk by me and look down on me---which just pissed me off more.
My parents pulled me out of school, before it even started. I was to start high school that yr. They had already made me fail my 8th grade yr for pulling the same shit. So a friend of mine--he would walk 2miles to my house in the middle of the night to let me talk. I had noone to talk to. We had nothing romantic going on, he was just there for me, and he knew my family was screwed up. Well, one night he was caught in the backyard and my parents thought the worst. The next day, my father asked me about it, and from the look on his face I knew I was in for it. My father asked me if I loved the guy. I said yes, he was the only one who had shown me any kind of kindness in months. I wasn't "in love" with him, but I did love him. My father didnt listen to the explaination, the only thing he let me get out was "yes I love him". The next thing I know, my father called me a bitch and threw me on my bed, crawled on top of my pelvic bone (stattling me). He raised his fist and I dont remember the ? now, but he didnt like the answer. This was the first time in my life I had been punched in the face. I was 15 and about 98lbs, and 4ft 11in. My father was 200lbs, and 5ft 10in. I don't know how long he beat me, but my sister opened the door and saw what was going on. She yelled at him to stop, my mom was out somewhere, not sure where. My sister went to the phone and dialed ---9-1- and my mom walked in the house. My sister told her what was going on and my mom came in my room. By this point I was conviced my father was going to kill me, I had wet my pants by this time. My mom and dad had a few words and then my mom jumped on top of me and started hitting me too. She is about my size so she was having a hard time staying on top of me, so my dad held me down. My mother dragged me off of my bed and on to the wood floor, and kept dragging me around on the floor. I finally backed myself into a corner and they kept hitting me. My sister drapped herself over me and they stopped. I now had my first concussion.
This is already so long so I will only summerize the rest. I ran away multiple times winding up in foster care for 8months. Returned home for about 3 months--age 16 then. Left home again never to return at age 16. Married and pregnant at 17, gave birth at 18, son at 2 days old almost died, he is ok now, divorced at 20, started stripping at 20, on drugs and alcohol really bad at 21, off drugs and out of stripping by age 26--which is where I am now.
I will write more later, but this is just a little insite on me. Thank you for reading this if you made it this far.
Jesika
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40
I am Back
by Robdar ini finally got my head out of my ass, got some things done, and most importantly i am no longer suffering withdrawal from the vicodin that i took for 3 months before and after my surgery.
golly, that stuff is not good for you.
causes depression, crying jags, bad tempers, etc.
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Jesika
Good to see you back. I was wondering why you left and was worried about you. Glad to see you are feeling better, welcome home.
Jesika
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Started My "Ministry" Today
by TR instarted dispensing some sl brochures to the local kingdumb halls.
you know, i get a good feeling from this.
tomorrow morning i get my new sl" wt abuse" graphics put on my rig.. tr
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Jesika
TR,
The sign making parties I have hosted have always been alot of fun and very uplifting. We usually get some beer and order pizza as we try and come up with a witty sign to put in the ground. We have alot of laughs and it gets us amped up to go out an pass out the flyers and put the signs all over the corners. It also enables those who can't pass out the flyers--for whatever reason--a chance to be involved too. Let me know if you need any suggestions for signs or let me know how your party goes if you have one. They are alot of fun and since it is usually a small group you have the chance to get to know one another and vent a little too.
Jesika